Good Morning, Vietnam quotes

View Quote Adrian: Listen, I gave you my friendship, and my trust. And now they tell me that my best friend is the goddamn enemy.
Tuan: Enemy? What is enemy? You killing my own people so many miles from your home. We not the enemy. You the enemy.
Adrian: You used me to kill two people. Two ****ing people died in that ****ing bar.
Tuan: Big ****ing deal! My mother dead. And my older brother, who be 29 years old, he dead. Shot by Americans. My neighbor, dead. His wife, dead. Why? Because we're not human to them. We're only little Vietnamese. And I'm stupid enough to save your bullshit life at An Lac.

View Quote Oh, Edward, Edward, you don't understand. I've been on a small Greek island with a lotta women who look like Zorba. I never thought I'd find women attractive ever again, and now that I do you won't even turn the car around? [scoffs] Thanks a lot.

View Quote Hey, we're back. That last few seconds of silence was Marcel Marceau's newest hit single, "Walkin' In The Wind." And now, here are the headlines. Here they come at you right now. Pope actually found to be Jewish. Liberace is Anastasia, and Ethel Merman jams Russian radar. The East Germans, today, claimed that the Berlin Wall was a fraternity prank. Also the Pope decided today to release Vatican-related bath products. An incredible thing, yes, it's the new Pope-on-a-Rope. That's right. Pope-on-a-Rope. Wash with it, go straight to heaven. Thank you.

View Quote Nixon: Therefore, there is no place for neutrality or a neutralist sentiment in South Vietnam. As I leave Vietnam today there is no doubt, certainly, in my mind that the Viet Cong will be defeated and this war will be won. Asia does involve, I think, very appropriately as you have suggested, give and take.
Adrian: Well I-- I really didn't make that suggestion, sir, I'm sorry.
Nixon: The United States has no right to give--
Hauk: Why would Cronauer's voice be on this tape?
Abersold: I don't know, Lieutenant.
Nixon: --territory to the communists.
Adrian: Mr. Nixon, thank you for that concise political commentary, but I think I'd like to delve into something slightly more personal for the men in the field. How would you describe your testicles?
[Hauk turns to the radio in horror]
Nixon: That they're soft, and that they're shallow and they have no purpose.
Hauk: Oh, my God.
Adrian: What are you saying, sir?
Hauk: Oh, my God.
Nixon: That they lack the physical strength.
Adrian: How would you describe your sex life with your wife Pat?
Nixon: It is unexciting sometimes.
Adrian: Well, have you considered, possibly, a sex change. There is an operation that can transform you
Hauk: Please don't do this to me. Please don't do this to me.
Adrian: --into a female Great Dane or possibly a very well hung Chihuahua. Mr. Nixon, while you've been in Vietnam, its rumored that you've smoked marijuana. Are you planning to take some of the marijuana home back to the United States? How would you do that?
Nixon: By plane. By helicopter and also by automobile.

View Quote Garlick: I'm Private First Class Edward Montesque Garlick, at your service, sir.
Adrian: Well, first thing, Garlick, is you gotta requisition a new name.

View Quote I don't know. I may go downtown, look for a Vietnamese man named Phil. Or I may just stay here and listen to old Pat Boone records, try and find some hidden meaning-- 'cause basically I believe that that man is a misunderstood genius.

View Quote Why, son, the shadow of your ass'd weigh 20 pounds.

View Quote Dreiwitz: What is the appeal of Joey Bishop? I mean, the man's not funny. I know funny, and he's not funny. Don't get me wrong- he seems like a nice guy- but my father's a nice guy and he's not funny either. Joey Bishop. I wish someone would explain this one to me.

View Quote Trinh: I-- I not can do this, Cronow. No. No friend, Cronow. Not good for-- for me. My brother, OK, friends. But Vietnam ladies not friends. Please, OK? Not friends.

View Quote Dickerson: This is not military issue, Airman. What sort of uniform is that?
Adrian: Cretan camouflage. If you want to blend into a crowd of drunken Greeks there's nothing better.
Dickerson: That is humor. I recognize that. I also recognize your species of soldier. I had a guy like you in the field one time. He blew himself to pieces. But not before his humor cost the lives of three very fine individuals.

View Quote I understand you're pretty funny as a DJ, and, well comedy is a kind of hobby of mine. Well, actually, it's a little more than just a hobby. Reader's Digest is considering publishing two of my jokes.

View Quote Dickerson: [Pointing to his rank insignia] What does three up and three down mean to you, Airman?
Adrian: End of an inning?

View Quote Garlick: Gentlemen! Hey guys, guess who the hell I got in here.
Man 1: Groucho Marx!
Man 2: Senator Dirksen.
Man 3: Curly!
Garlick: Come on. Come on, come on, come on! Guess again.
Adrian: Oh bag it, bag it, Garlick.
Garlick: The fellow I got in here is the gentleman, the one and the only
Adrian: Oh, you're a dead man.
Garlick: The king of the airwaves, Adrian Cronauer.

View Quote It's unbelievable. Five months in Saigon and my best friend turns out to be a VC. THIS WILL NOT LOOK GOOD ON A RESUME!

View Quote Adrian: You could get in trouble for that.
Garlick: I requisitioned for a name change. Trouble is actually my new middle name.