Lomper quotes from The Full Monty (1997)

Dave

I mean, what if next Friday 400 women turn 'round and say "He's too fat, he's too old and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser"? What happens then, eh?

They wouldn't say that, would they?

Dave

Why not? He's just said her tits are too big.

Lomper

That's different. We're... blokes.

Dave

Yeah, and...

Gerald

I think she's got nice tits, actually.

Lomper

I never said nowt about her personality, like. I mean, she's probably quite nice if you get to know her.

Dave

No. And they won't say nowt about your personality neither, which is good 'cause you're basically a bastard. Bollocks to your personality — this is what they're looking at, right? And I'll tell you summat, mate. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none.

Dave

I've been dieting. I do try. Seems like I spent most of me ****in' life on a diet. The less I eat, the fatter I get.

Lomper

So, stuff yourself and get thin.

Dave

I know. You could stand in middle of road and have a mate run smack into you right fast.

Lomper

Haven't got any mates.

Gaz

Listen to you. We just saved your **** life. So don't tell us we're not your mates, all right?

Lomper

Really?

Gaz

Yeah.

Lomper

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Dave

Yeah, me an'all, I'd run into ya as soon as look at ya.

Lomper

Cheers.