Friday the 13th (2009) quotes

I wanted to ask you if maybe you've seen somebody. It's my sister. She came camping up around here with some friends. And she's gone missing.

She ain't missing. She's dead.

What?

Folk go missing ‘round here, they're gone for good. Outsiders come, they don't know where to walk. They bring trouble. We just want to be left alone! And so does he.

So does who?

Just go up and talk to her.

Chewie

Are you kidding me? I have a better shot at **** a penguin than that girl.

Come here! Come here now. You're the last one. I've killed all the others. It'll be easier for you than it was for Jason.

Why are you doing this?

You need to be punished for what you did to him. You let him drown. Jason was my son.

No! No, please!

You should've been watching him. Every minute!

Jason. My special, special boy. They must be punished, Jason. For what they did to you. For what they did to me.

Kill for mother.

Richie

How's that beer treatin' ya, beer snob?

Mike

Better than my own piss.

Wade

You can drink that by the way. Yours, hers, hers, mine, yours.

What?

Wade

Swear to God, piss is sterile.

For the record, you will never drink my piss.

Wade

That's what you think.

Richie

I get it though, dude, you do what you've got to do to survive, you know? If we were all out here starving to death, and you were, and you were dead, I'd eat your leg.

Really sweet. Yeah.

Richie

Thank you.

Wade

Why would you eat my leg, man? I can teach you how to fish, just go fishing.

Richie

I don't eat fish.

That's not what you told me.

Trent

Nolan! How about I pay, you pump?

Sure, man. Hey, I give a wicked blowjob too.

Trent

Okay, well, uhm, we'll try it out later.

Trent

You better pull some MacGyver shit. Go to the toolshed, it's down the path.

Chewie

Yeah, okay. Trent, I'm sorry, man. You won't be disappointed. They don't call me the wood wizard 'cause I masturbate a lot.

Wade

Hey guys! Guys! I just found some broken down cabins over there. It's got to be the old camp. Who wants to go check it out?

Mike

Is this all we brought to drink, no Heineken or anything?

Richie

**** that euro-shit, this is Pabst Blue American Ribbon, my friend.

Wade

You do realize this camp was closed down like 20 years ago? Some woman, she went **** nuts, killed all these counselors. Blamed them for her son's drowning, he was like deformed or **** or something. Mom got hers. Uh, apparently there was one survivor. This girl, she cut that lady's head off with a machete. It gets weirder.

Richie

I'm sure it does.

Wade

Her son, Jason, he came back. He was actually there. He watched his mom being beheaded. Actually, a friend of mine, he went to camp around here..

Richie

Aw, sh..

Wade

He went to camp around here! He said the cops came, they were looking for that Jason guy. You know what? Don't believe me, nobody does. Don't believe me. But I'm pretty sure the way the story goes, the place was called Camp Crystal Lake.

Richie

Do you know how many lakes are probably called Crystal Lake? Crystal Geyser, Crystal Water. Go to a supermarket, every single bottle of water is Crystal something.

Wade

Aquafina.

Richie

Okay, fine.

Wade

Okay.

Richie

The story could've happened anywhere dude, that's how they get little kids to shit themselves.

Jason!,...

Say hi to mommy. [stabs Jason in the chest with his own machete.] ... in hell!

Trent [after having rough sex with Bree]: Wow, that was...

Bree

Stupendous?
[Trent laughs]

Chewie

Are you kidding? I have a better shot at **** a penguin than that girl.

Chewie

Are you looking for this? Because, uh, it completes your outfit.

Bree

Did you forget how to drink that? Just put it to your lips, blow, and suck.

Chewie

Fine. To all the felching, welching, pussies of the world!

Wade

Hey Mikey, wear a condom! An extra small one.