Wade

Hey guys! Guys! I just found some broken down cabins over there. It's got to be the old camp. Who wants to go check it out?

Mike

Is this all we brought to drink, no Heineken or anything?

Richie

**** that euro-shit, this is Pabst Blue American Ribbon, my friend.

Wade

You do realize this camp was closed down like 20 years ago? Some woman, she went **** nuts, killed all these counselors. Blamed them for her son's drowning, he was like deformed or **** or something. Mom got hers. Uh, apparently there was one survivor. This girl, she cut that lady's head off with a machete. It gets weirder.

Richie

I'm sure it does.

Wade

Her son, Jason, he came back. He was actually there. He watched his mom being beheaded. Actually, a friend of mine, he went to camp around here..

Richie

Aw, sh..

Wade

He went to camp around here! He said the cops came, they were looking for that Jason guy. You know what? Don't believe me, nobody does. Don't believe me. But I'm pretty sure the way the story goes, the place was called Camp Crystal Lake.

Richie

Do you know how many lakes are probably called Crystal Lake? Crystal Geyser, Crystal Water. Go to a supermarket, every single bottle of water is Crystal something.

Wade

Aquafina.

Richie

Okay, fine.

Wade

Okay.

Richie

The story could've happened anywhere dude, that's how they get little kids to shit themselves.