Anna
Mr. Bates, I really don't understand this Frankie.
Mr. Bates
You completely missed the point of the book.
Anna
It's "1984". How could anyone miss it? It's a blatant attack on totalitarianism, about a rigid society, dominated by one all-powerful, ego-tripping dictator—
Mr. Bates
My grade is final.
Anna
Except he had hair. [Walks away]
Mr. Bates
Anna!
Mr. Bates
Today is a lovely day for a pop quiz. All of you should have finished reading Hamlet by now. I'm going to ask each one of you a question, and you will be graded according to your answer.
Tess [in Anna's body]: Oh, thank God it's Hamlet. I was in that play in high... I just know the play.
Like that'll help you.
Mr. Bates [to a student]: Mr. Waters, describe the character of Hamlet.
Hamlet. He's, uh... he's one of the big characters. I mean, he's Hamlet. He's just... bopping around... doesn't know which way's up. I don't think the guy's got a clue.
Mr. Bates
You mean to say that he is a man...
Yeah.
Mr. Bates
Who couldn't make up his... mind.
...mind. Exactly.
Mr. Bates
Good. B.
All right. Yeah.
Mr. Bates
Ms. Coleman.
Tess [in Anna's body]: Yes, Mr. Bates?
Mr. Bates
What are the central conflicts in Hamlet?
Tess [in Anna's body]: Well, political, of course, because Claudius usurped his father's throne. Oedipal, because of the undercurrents with his mother. Then there is the timeless question of insanity. Is he really seeing his father's ghost, or is he simply mad?
Mr. Bates
That is seriously overreaching. F.
Tess [in Anna's body]: F?
Mr. Bates
F. Mr. Franelli, who is Fortinbras?
Tess (in Anna's body): [Confronting Mr. Bates for failing her answer that was correct] Mr. Bates, may I please speak with you?
Mr. Bates
I think that would be fairly pointless, but go ahead.
Tess (in Anna's body): By what stretch of the imagination...I mean, like, how could I, like, get an F? What mistakes did I make?
Mr. Bates
Grading is subjective.
Tess (in Anna's body): That was a college-level analysis!
Mr. Bates
And you're qualified to make that assessment?
Tess (in Anna's body): As a matter of fact, I most certainly am.
Mr. Bates
Well, in the words of Hamlet, "What's done is done."
Tess (in Anna's body): [annoyed] That's Macbeth, you know-nothing twit– [upon realization] Bates! Elton Bates! Griffith High School.
Mr. Bates
How do you know that?
Tess (in Anna's body): You asked me...I mean, my mom to the prom, but she turned you down.
Mr. Bates
This is not an appropriate subject-
Tess (in Anna's body): And now you're taking it out on her daughter, aren't you? Aren't you?!
Mr. Bates
I don't know what you're talking about!
Tess (in Anna's body): Oh, come on! It was a high school dance! You've got to let it go and move on, man! And if you don't, I'm sure the school board would love to hear about your pathetic vendetta against an innocent student. [Starts to leave, but stops to make a final remark] Oh, and by the way, Elton, she had a boyfriend, and you were weird. [Mr. Bates is stunned into guilt]
