Harry Coleman quotes from Freaky Friday (2003)

Harry

I don't think he knows I even exist, so stupid thinkin' about him, but I can't help it. Jake! Ooooh! Jake!

Anna

GET OUTTA MY ROOOOM!!! [Anna chases the boys from her room] OUT! [Realizes her door is missing] Oh! My... My... Ah!

She saw it. [Anna shrieks again off-screen]

I'm gonna check out those Lakers.

I'm with you.

Anna

Mom! Mom, did you see what happened to my doo--? [sees Tess sitting at the table with her arms crossed]

I spoke to your principal.

Anna

What?!

Just now, on the phone.

Anna

Where's my door?

Privacy is a privilege, Anna.

Anna

Where's my door, Mom?

Your door will be returned to you, Anna, if or when you can explain--

Anna

I need my door. You give me the door, or I will kill myself!

Harry

Oh! Can I watch?

Harry!

Anna

SHUT UP!!! [Boys run away]

I think we can dispense with the drama. And maybe you can just calmly explain to me why you were in detention twice today.

Anna

Okay, I went to detention. But that was only because Stacey Hinkhouse kept hitting me on the head with a volleyball!

Now, when is this conflict with Stacey Hinkhouse going to end?

Anna

Never, because she's an insane, psycho freak! And you'd know that if you'd paid like a speck of attention while door is gone and it’s all your fault!

Anna?!

Anna

What?!

I think you know I pay attention, Anna. Enough to know that you got an F in English today.

Anna

Well, Mr. Bates is out to get me.

Oh, him too?

Anna

Yeah. You know, he just looks for ways to torture me. Like the one time Jake even spoke to me, he totally...

Who's Jake?

Anna

He's just... nobody.

You say I'm not interested, Anna. I'm interested. Try me.

Anna

Okay, he's just this really amazing guy, Mom.

Where'd you meet him?

Anna

Detention, but...

That's promising.

Anna

See? Do you see? Why do I even bother telling you anything?

Okay, who's up for Chinese?

Anna

YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!! I'M MOVING OUT AND I'M NEVER COMING BACK EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER AGAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!?

Hello, how are you?

Hello, Pei-Pei.

Anna, Harry, you're so big now. What happened? Are you happy for your mommy?

Anna

About what?

Oh. [laughs] She's such a joker. Who's catering? Chinese food good luck.

It's all planned already.

Okay, how about me?

Anna, I preordered the Peking Duck.

Anna

Joy.

Well, I know that's your favorite.

Anna

Whatever.

The wedding is in two days.

Think about it. See you soon. Happy dining.

Anna, your door is underneath the back stairs.

Anna

Like I didn't figure that out.

Stop groveling, man. Let her come to you.

She'd come with a hatchet. I think I'll go check on that duck.

Anna, do you really think that your surliness is the best way for you to get what you want?

Anna

I'm sorry, Mom. I really have been stressing in school, and I deserved every single one of those trips to detention. And I'm gonna apologize to Stacey Hinkhouse and Mr. Bates. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'll try and do better, Mom. I'll really, really try.

All right, what do you want?

Anna

To go to this really important audition tomorrow that we can never have again at the House of Blues.

An audition, that's great. Tomorrow? You mean after the rehearsal dinner?

Anna

Well, during.

"During". You mean as "instead of"?

Anna

Technically?

Anna, I need to talk to you right now.

Anna

I think I'm gonna pass on that.

Now! Anna, I am going to make one final attempt to understand what goes on in your head.

Anna

Don't treat me like your patients.

What?

Anna

All calm and reasonable. Let's talk about it. I really want to understand.

I really do want to understand, Anna!

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Oh, Mama, stay out of it, please. Mama.

Anna

Okay, fine. They're gonna pick one local band to play at Wango Tango. We were lucky to make this cut. Seriously, it's a once-in-a-lifetime chance, Mom. Please. Why can't I just go? Please.

And what I hear is that my special night means absolutely nothing to you.

Anna

I don't even have to ask if my band means anything to you. It's totally clear to us that you guys think we're all noise.

Harry

Look, I'm a walrus!

I do not!

Anna

Do too!

Anna, I let you practice in the garage. Anna, stop.

Anna

What?

Let's talk about what this is really about, okay? This is about your dad, isn't it?

Anna

Mom, stop shrinking me. It's not about Dad. It's about the audition! You're ruining my life!

Enough with the drama. Anna, high school is not that hard.

Anna

You couldn't last one day in my high school.

I could, and I would do it without getting a detention.

Anna

I'm sorry that I'm the one thing in your life that isn't perfect!

Perfect? You think my life is perfect?

Anna

Oh, I know your life is perfect. Your perfect job, perfect boyfriend, perfect patients who worship the ground you walk on.

You need a serious and bracing reality check if you think my life is perfect!

Anna

You can cut me some slack just this once, Mom.

I am beyond cutting you slack, Anna. But you are not going to the audition.

Anna

Yes, I am!

No, you're not!

Anna

Why not?

Because I said so!

Cookie?

Um... this isn't really a good time.

Now a good time. [speaking Chinese]

Okay, okay! Thank you. Anna, for one day, the entirety of our life is not gonna be focused on you.

Anna

Yeah, it's all about Ryan now, isn't it?

Anna!

Anna

Get away!

Honey!

Tess (in Anna's body): Honey, look, I think something's happened to us.
Anna (in Tess' body): What are you?
Tess (in Anna's body): It's me. Mom.
Anna (in Tess' body): You're not my mother.
Tess (in Anna's body): Yes, I am.
Anna (in Tess' body): Get away, you clone freak!
Tess (in Anna's body): Don't you use that tone with me.
Anna (in Tess' body): Oh, my God, you are my mother.
Tess (in Anna's body): And you're not who you think you are.
Anna (in Tess' body): [goes to the mirror and gasps] Look at me!
Tess (in Anna's body): I know. We seem to be inside each other—
Anna (in Tess' body): I'm old!
Tess (in Anna's body): [clearly offended] I beg your pardon!
Anna (in Tess' body): [screaming] Oh, I'm like the Cryptkeeper!
Tess (in Anna's body): Okay, that's enough. [They both look at each other and scream]
Anna (in Tess' body): [gasps] I want my body back.
Tess (in Anna's body): And I don't want mine? My wedding's tomorrow. Oh, my God, my wedding's tomorrow.
Anna (in Tess' body): Oh, I can't marry Ryan! Ew!
Tess (in Anna's body): Okay, Okay, Okay.
Anna (in Tess' body): Okay, what?
Tess (in Anna's body): I have no idea.
Anna (in Tess' body): Mom, maybe we should go to the emergency room.
Tess (in Anna's body): Oh no, all that'll get us is a 72-hour lockdown in the psych ward and a Thorazine drip. No, we're not going anywhere.
Anna (in Tess' body): Okay. Um, so, you're in my body and I'm in your body. Why don't we, like...
Tess (in Anna's body): Yes, I see what you're saying. A jolt. Okay, you go over there and I go over here. [She goes to the side far from Anna (in Tess' body)] Okay, now when I say go. Ready?
Anna (in Tess' body): Yeah!
Tess (in Anna's body): Go!

Harry

Hi, Mom!

Ow.

Harry

Grandpa, could you pass the milk?
Tess (in Anna's body): So Harry's still Harry, and Grandpa's still Grandpa.
Anna (in Tess's body): So it’s just us, what did we do wrong?
Tess (in Anna's body): I don't know.

Harry

Grandpa, PASS the MILK. [Shakes table] GRANDPA!!! PASS THE MILK!!!

EARTHQUAKE!!!

Harry, do you know who that is?

Harry

Anna's got a boyfriend. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

OK, where we going next? Harry's school?
Tess [in Anna's body]: Oh, he can walk from here.

Harry

It's 20 blocks!
Tess [in Anna's body]: The fresh air will do you good.

Harry

But what about bullies?
Tess [in Anna's body]: Run fast.

Tess, look, really, it's no trouble to drive him.
Tess [in Anna's body]: Whatever.

Harry

Mom?
Tess [in Anna's body]: Yeah, whatever.
Harry's teacher: Oh, Mrs. Coleman.
Tess [in Anna's body]: All right, let's do this thing.
Harry's teacher: OK. Well, what can I say about Harry? He is a sweet boy, but he's having a little trouble with bullies.
Tess [in Anna's body]: So? That's character-building. The kid needs to toughen up. He's kind of a wimp. So, that's it? I can go?
Harry's teacher: No, not exactly. Harry's very bright, but he's having a bit of a problem applying himself, particularly in math.
Tess [in Anna's body]: So, hold him back. I mean, he's short. He'll fit right in, you know what I mean?
Harry's teacher: Well, you know, he's very good in English. I had the class write an essay on who they admire most, and he wrote a wonderful paper about your daughter.

Harry

So? What'd she say?
Tess [in Anna's body]: She showed me the paper you wrote about Anna.

Harry

You saw that?
Tess [in Anna's body]: Mm-hm.

Harry

Well, don't tell her I like her.
Tess [in Anna's body]: Well, why not?

Harry

Because we have too much fun fighting.
Tess [in Anna's body]: You know, kid, you are way more twisted than I thought. Good try!

Harry

Oh, man!
Tess [in Anna's body]: Loser!