Kristofferson quotes from Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

Let's see some hustle!

Kristofferson

Coach, we don't have whack-bat where I'm from. What are the rules?

There's no whack-bat on the other side of the river?

Kristofferson

No, we mostly just run grass sprints or play acorns.

Well, it's real simple. Basically, there's three grabbers, three taggers, five twig runners, and the player at whack-bat. The center tagger lights a pine cone and chucks it over the basket and the player tries to hit the cedar stick off the cross rock. Then the twig runners dash back and forth until the pine cone burns out and the umpire calls "hotbox". Finally, you count up however many score-downs it adds up to and divide that by nine.

Kristofferson

Got it.

Go in for Ash.

Ash

It'll-- It'll grow back, won't it?

Kylie

Tails don't grow back.

Ash

Tails don't grow back?

Kylie

Uh-uh. Except for lizards.

Tails don't grow back. I'm gonna be tail-less for the rest of my life.

Ash

Well, anyway, it's not half as bad as double pneumonia, right? I mean, his dad's got one foot in the grave and three feet on a banana peel. That's a lot worse than just...

Kristofferson

Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna go meditate for half an hour.

You have got twenty-nine minutes to come up with a proper apology.

Ash

Me? Me have an apology? He gets a bandit hat? He just got here, and he gets a bandit hat? Where's my bandit hat? Why didn't I get shot at? It's because, you... you... YOU THINK I'M NO GOOD AT ANYTHING!!! Well, maybe you're right, thanks. [stomps away angrily and closes door upon exit]

Kylie

Told ya not to bring him.

YOU SCARED THE CUSS OUT OF US!!!!!!

A lot of good animals are [yelling with rage] PROBABLY GONNA DIE...BECAUSE OF YOU!!! [everyone looks shocked] [angry tone] We've been digging in circles for three days! Half the woods have been obliterated, nobody can get out, Right now my wife's huddled at the bottom of the flint-mine with no food, no water, and 27 Starving Animal Brats!

I just want to see a little...sunshine.

But you're nocturnal, Phil. Your eyes barely even open on a good day.

I'm sick of your double talk! We have rights!

We don't like you and we hate your dad. Now grab some of that mud, chew it in your mouth, and swallow it.

Ash

I'm not gonna eat mud!

Cuss yeah, you are! [picks up a large glob of mud and shoves it in Ash's face. Ash makes a gagging sound but does not react further]

Kristofferson

Don't do that.

Why'd you take your shoes off?

Kristofferson

So I don't break your nose when I kick it. [proceeds to take Beaver's son out with some precision karate moves, ending with a throwdown on the ground. Beaver's son then gets up and walks away crying]

Ash

I can fight my own fights.

Kristofferson

No, you can't.

Ash

You should probably put your bandit hat on now. Personally, I-I don't have one, but I modified this tube sock.

Kristofferson

We look good.

Ash

Yeah, we do.

Ash

I'm here to rescue you.

Kristofferson

...I've got mixed feelings about that.

Ash

I don't blame you.

Kristofferson

Do you mind if I slide my bedroll slightly out from under the train set? It's hard to sleep in that corkscrew position.

Ash

There's a lot of attitudes going on around here. Don't let me get one. [goes back to reading his book]

Kristofferson

No, it's only just that my spinal-cord...

Ash

Sleep, wherever you want, man. Here, take my bed. I'll just, uh...I'll crawl under the bookcase. [goes back to reading his book again] Who cares if I get splinters in my ears?

Kristofferson

Never mind...

Ash

Oh, are you gonna pout about it? Because I've had it up to HERE with the "sad houseguest" routine! [he glares at Kristofferson, turns off the light, then continues reading once more with the nightlight on]

Kristofferson

Good night. [pulls out the mat under Ash's train set, lays down under the table and eventually starts crying. Ash notices this as he shines his flashlight on Kristofferson, then climbs down, turns the train set on with music playing, then Kristofferson notices this and they both watch the train go around and around the track]

Let's see some hustle!

Kristofferson

Coach, we don't have whack-bat where I'm from. What are the rules?

There's no whack-bat on the other side of the river?

Kristofferson

No, we mostly just, uh, run grass sprints or play acorns.

Huh. Well, it's real simple. Basically, there's three grabbers, three taggers, five twig runners, and the player at whack-bat. Center tagger lights a pine cone, chucks it over the basket, and the whack-batter tries to hit the cedar stick off the cross rock. Then the twig runners dash back and forth until the pine cone burns out and the umpire calls "hotbox". Finally at the end, you count up however many score-downs it adds up to and divide that by nine.

Kristofferson

Got it.

Go in for Ash. Substitution! Ash, come out. You need a breather.

Ash

What, what? Come out? What? I still feel good, Coach. Let me finish this eighth.

No, no. Come on. Step out. Step out. Let's go.

Ash

Am I getting better, Coach?

Well, you're sure as cuss not getting any worse.

Ash

Really? You mean you I can end up being as good as my dad if I keep practicing?

Your dad? Your dad was probably the best whack-bat player we ever had in this school. [points to the scoreboard showing Mr. Fox's name as Most Valuable Player of the year for four years] No, you don't wanna have to compare yourself to that.

Ash

No, but I think I have some of the same raw natural talent, don't you?

You're improving. Let's put it like that.

Ash

Psst. Psst. It's me. I'm rescuing you.

Kristofferson

I've got mixed feelings about that.

Ash

I don't blame you. Can you give me a karate lesson real quick?

Kristofferson

Okay. Stand like this. Position yourself on the balls of your feet. Close your eyes. You weigh less than a slice of bread.

Kylie

Don't turn around!

Where'd he come from? [to the wolf] Where'd you come from?! What are you doing here?! [points to the wolf] Canis lupus! [points to himself] Vulpes vulpes! [to the others] I don't think he speaks English or Latin. [speaks French to the wolf] Pensez-vous que l'hiver sera rude? [to the others] I'm asking if he thinks we're in for a hard winter. [the wolf continues staring at them] He doesn't seem to know. [to the wolf] I have a phobia of wolves! [the wolf continues staring at them; Mr. Fox sheds a tear and then raise a fist in the air; the wolf does the same] What a beautiful creature. Wish him luck, boys.

Kylie

Good luck to you.

Ash

Good luck, wolf.

Kristofferson

Good luck out there.
[the wolf starts to walk away but gives them on last look before disappearing into the forest]