Barney Ross
[after seeing Dan Paine and his men terrorize a local market]
What's wrong with this picture?
Lee Christmas
Everything.
The Expendables quotes
Barney Ross
Lee Christmas
Lee Christmas
[tapping his head after Barney barely misses it while shooting a soldier behind him]
Are you crazy? You could've killed me!
Barney Ross
You're welcome.
[Lee angrily shrugs his shoulders and is mimicked by Barney]
Sandra Garza
[meeting Lee Christmas and Barney Ross for the first time]
What are your names?
Lee Christmas
[pointing to himself]
Buda. [pointing to Barney] Pest.
Sandra
Follow me, please. [walks away]
Barney Ross
[slowly turns to Lee]
Buda and Pest. Nice.
Tool
[in a knife throwing contest with Lee Christmas]
All right, baby, all right. Come on! Let's see what you got! [Lee throws knife near the center of the board]
Hale Caesar
Oh! Oh!
Tool
There's my boy! [throws knife closer to the center]
Hale
Oh! Go... go... go south!
Barney Ross
[Lee and Tool both throw knives, inching closer to the bull's eye and evoking laughter from Hale] [to Gunnar Jensen, who he earlier shot]
So, you're back from the dead. How are you healin'?
Gunnar Jensen
[recovering from a gunshot wound three inches away from the heart]
Good... considering you could have killed me.
Yin Yang
[referring to Gunnar's earlier attempt to kill him]
I forgive you.
Gunnar
Okay.
Yin
[referring to their fight]
I would've won.
Gunnar
[giving a thumbs and winking at Yin]
Of course.
Toll Road
[who sees a therapist]
Hey, Gunnar, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, brother: therapy. [Gunnar nods his head]
Barney
The man's got a point.
Lee Christmas
[stops before throwing a knife and laughs]
You know what? I'm gonna do you a favor, Tool. [reciting a limerick] I once knew a man called Tool...
Barney
I love poetry. [Hale makes a confused face]
Lee
To me, he was the epitome of cool. [Toll Road laughs] He was good with a knife... bad with the wife. [Yin and Toll laugh]
Barney
That hurt.
Lee
[speaking the film's final lines]
To think he could beat me, dreamin' he'd defeat me, Cool Tool, you gotta be a fool! [the team shows a confused reaction] Oh yeah! [now standing in the street, shocks the Expendables by throwing a bull's eye]
Barney Ross
[Barney Ross is speaking to a bald man in a church]
Let's just keep it simple. If the money's right, we don't care where the job is. Got it?
Mr. Church
Let's quit jerkin' off, get down to business, see who's hungry. We know your real name's probably not "Barney Ross". You don't need to know my name. The only thing you need to know is the job's real, and the money's real. But since we're in this nice place, you might as well just call me "Mr. Church".
Barney
Okay, Church, what can I do for you?
Mr. Church
In a minute. I'm still waiting for one more guy.
Barney
Who?
Church
[A tall man walks into the church smoking a cigar; his presence shocks Barney]
You know him?
Barney
Yeah, we used to be on the same team together. What's my oldest, worst friend doin' here?
Church
Both your names came to the top of the list. That a problem?
Barney
Yeah, should'a shot him when I had the chance.
Cigar-smoking man
[pointing his cigar toward Barney]
Big Barney Ross!
Barney
[to Trent, mockingly raising his hands]
Bigger Trent Mauser.
Trent Mauser
What are you doing here? Praying for work?
Barney
Could be.
Trent
Have you been sick? You've lost weight.
Barney
Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found, pal.
Church
[Trent laughs]
You guys aren't gonna start sucking each other's dicks, are you? [Barney looks suggestively at Trent and Church laughs sarcastically] Let's get down to business, see who wants to work. You ever hear of an island called Vilena?
Barney
[to Church]
No.
Trent
[to Church]
Yeah. It's a little island in the Gulf.
Church
[to Trent]
That's right.
Trent
[to Barney]
You should read more.
Barney
[sarcastically]
Thanks.
Church
There are resources on that island that my people are very interested in.
Trent
But a general by the name of Garza has overthrown their half-ass government.
Church
That's right. My people have a problem with this fanatic Garza.
Barney
[to Church]
So you want Garza gone?
Church
I want him dead!
Trent
[sarcastically]
All it takes is a little army. Only an idiot would do this job.
Barney
[to Church]
How much?
Trent
[to Church about Barney]
Oh, like I said. [winks at Barney] Well, I'm busy anyway. [to Church] So, give this job to my friend here. [to Barney] He loves playing in the jungle, right?
Barney Ross
[sarcastically]
Right.
Church
[uncertain]
That's right.
Trench
[to Barney]
Hey, why don't we have dinner?
Barney
[to Trent]
Sure, when?
Trench
In a thousand years.
Barney
Too soon.
Church
[Trent walks off] [confused about Trent]
What's his **** problem?
Barney Ross
He wants to be president. [Trent looks back at Barney] I've gotta recon this island first.
Church
I got a contact for you on the island.
Barney
[after Trent exits the church]
Good riddance. [to Church] I've got a feeling everyone else has passed on this job, so our fee is five-mil.
Church
[surprised; to Barney]
Five mil?
Barney
I want half up front and the other half in an offshore account. You got a problem with that?
Church
[shaking his head]
No. What I have a problem with is people trying to **** me over! So if you take this money and you don't deliver, you try to **** me in some kind of weird, cockamamie scheme of yours, me and my people are gonna come get you and your people, and chop you up into little, **** dog treats. [mockingly] You got a problem with that?
Barney
[shrugging his shoulders]
Let's talk.
Barney Ross
[James Munroe is running away with Sandra Garza] [aiming at Munroe]
Munroe!
James Munroe
[holding Sandra at gunpoint]
Drop the weapons, or I will put a bullet through her eye! Don't test me.
Sandra Garza
[Barney drops his guns and Munroe shoots his bulletproof vest] [screaming]
No, no!
Munroe
[to Sandra]
Shut up or I'll kill you. [to Barney, who is getting up, in reference to Mr. Church] The Agency's parasites hired you, didn't they? I'd have paid you twice as much... to go fishing! You'd have to think I'm pretty freakin' stupid to surrender to the Agency. Why would I do that? [referring to his control and drug business in Vilena] I created this. I made it all happen! And they wanted me out. Why? Because I saw the big picture! [Barney is now on his feet and approaching] Stop walking! And what about me and you? We are both the same. We're both mercenaries. We're are both dead inside. So why the hell did you come after me?
Barney Ross
I didn't come after you, dipshit. I came for her! [Sandra breaks free of Munroe's hold]
Lee Christmas
[Barney shoots Munroe five times in the chest with his revolver] [throws knife throws Munroe's back]
Call it a tie.
Gunnar Jensen
[The Expendables are negotiating the release of hostages from a group of Somalian pirates] [lifting a grenade launcher]
Warning shot!
Barney Ross
No!
Gunnar
[fires at the leader and rips him in half]
A little low...
Barney Ross
[After Hale Caesar fired a full drum magazine of his AA-12 shotgun]
Damn, that thing's loud!
Tool
[Talking to Barney about how they stood for something]
You remember that time we was up in Bosnia? We took down them Serb bad boys? All our guys were gettin' chopped up all around us, and there was blood everywhere. I never though I was gonna make it out of there, and I know you either. Kinda feelin' like... dead too, ya know? My head's all very, very black place. Didn't believe in shit. Just goddamn Dracula black. I remember I got this bottle of this local shit they have over there. That Silvits... I think that's what it was called. And I ain't feelin' no pain now... and I come up on this, uh... I come up on this overland bridge, and I see this... I see this... I see this woman standing there, ya know? And she's, uh... I stepped out and she saw me, and she's just lookin' right... right in my eyes. And I was lookin' right in her eyes, and I knew what she was gonna do. She looked at me, and I knew she was gonna jump. You know what I did, man? I just turned around, I kept walkin', until I heard that splash, and she was gone. [crying] After... after taking all them lives, she was one that I could have saved, but I didn't, and uh... what I realized later on was, uh, if I'd have saved that woman, I might have... I might have saved what was left of my soul, ya know. [puts pipe in mouth as Barney walks away]