Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) · 32 quotes
Edgin
She's caught in a Time Stop! Counter it, Simon!
Simon
I can't! Sofina's too powerful! [he runs off]
Edgin
Take the tablet. Keep Kira safe. [throws the Tablet of Reawakening to Forge]
Forge
You have my word. [runs off]
Holga
So she did become a deer.
Edgin
Only at the very end. [to Doric] Are you absolutely sure about Sofina?
Doric
I saw her markings.
Simon
No wonder I couldn't counter her Time Stop.
Edgin
Forge knew all along he's got my daughter in there with a Red Wizard.
Doric
The vault is protected by something called "Morty Caiman's Arcane Seal".
Simon
Mordenkainen?
Doric
Yeah, that's it.
Simon
Oh, pity!
Edgin
What?
Simon
If the vault has Mordenkainen's Seal, we're not getting in. It's impenetrable.
Holga
Can't you just open it with magic?
Simon
Okay, here we go. I hate how everyone thinks that you can solve any problem with magic. There are limits. This isn't some bedtime story. This is the real world.
Doric
So there's no way to open it?
Simon
Well, I mean, if I was one of the world's most powerful sorcerers, so no. Or if we had the Helm of Disjunction.
Edgin
The what?
Simon
It's a helmet that disables all nearby enchantments. But it doesn't matter. That thing went missing ages ago. We're done. [gets up]
Edgin
Huh? C'mon! What's the problem? We can find the helmet.
Simon
Even if we could, I couldn't use it without attuning to it, which I'm terrible at.
Edgin
Oh, you can do it. I know you can.
Simon
You saying that doesn't make it so.
Edgin
Yeah, but you saying it does.
Simon
But I can't.
Edgin
Yes you can.
Simon
But I won't.
Edgin
Just say it.
Simon
No!
Edgin
Ugh, fine. Can we just keep this between us? I don't wanna hurt the group's morale. [walks to sit back down]
Simon
What morale? [sits back down as well]
Doric
Holga knows where the helmet is.
Edgin
You do?
Holga
My tribe fought the Cult of the Dragon over it at the Evermoors. We can just ask them where it went.
Simon
That battle was a century ago. They're all dead.
Holga
So ask them with magic.
Doric
He just made a whole speech how he can't fix everything with magic.
Simon
Actually, that is something I can do. [Holga chuckles in approval, as if to say "I told you so."]
Doric
You can bring back the dead?
Simon
I can't, uh, bring them back, but I have this token that lets me ask corpses some questions and then they go back to being dead.
Doric
Yuck.
Simon
Yeah, it's fairly horrible.
Edgin
It's fairly wonderful. We're off to the Evermoors. Thank you, Simon, for the drinks. [he and Holga get up]
Simon
Oh, what? No...
Holga
Just pay it with magic.
Edgin
Were you killed in the Battle of the Evermoors?
Yes.
Edgin
Great! I mean, not for you. Sorry for your loss. [to Simon] Four more questions, right?
Yes.
Edgin
No, no, no, that wasn't for you. [to Simon] Did that count as a question?
Yes.
Edgin
Dammit! Only answer when I talk to you, okay?
Yes.
Simon
Why did you say "okay?" at the end of that?
I didn't. [lies back in its coffin, dead]
Edgin
Fantastic. Where's the shovel?
There he is, the great Simon Aumar, sorcerer descended from wizarding blood.
Simon Aumar
Who are you?
Don't you know me? My name is Aumar too.
Simon
You're my great-great-grandfather.
That's quite the helm. What makes you think you're worthy of it?
Simon
I believe in myself?
You're asking me?
Simon
No, I'm-I'm sure. I'm a great sorcerer.
Are you now? Funny thing about magic: it chooses who may wield it and it does not suffer fools.
Simon
Why are you telling this?
Oh, I think you know, Simon. [taps the helm off Simon]
Holga
How 'bout this: we use the Hither-Thither staff to get into the vault.
Simon
No, I've explained this. You can't Hither-Thither into a room you can't see.
Holga
I'm not saying that. I'm saying we put the portal on something and then sneak that thing into the vault.
Edgin
Mm, the only thing going in that vault is treasure.
Holga
So we put the portal on some treasure.
Edgin
Forge did say the richest men in Baldur's Gate and Waterdeep are bringing loot to the city. They'll be traveling the High Road. We could catch one of their convoys.
Doric
There'll be dozens of guards.
Edgin
Yeah, but the guards will guarding against people taking things out of their wagon, not putting them in! Holga, I could kiss you!
Holga
Try it.
Edgin
The Games have started. We're going to Plan C.
Simon
Oh, buttocks. What's Plan C?
Edgin
Plan C is we go back to Plan A. [turns and points to Simon] We're gonna attune to the helmet.
Holga
Why don't you just call it Plan A?
Edgin
Plan A has a stink on it.
Simon
You know darn well I can't attune to the thing.
Edgin
That's not true! You couldn't attune to it. Look at me. Look at me! Huh? Do you remember that job in Loudwater? You couldn't spider-climb until Jolym sicked his dog on you. And when we robbed the spear of Aoth Fezim, your Stone Skin spell failed until the arrows were inches away. Even in Triboar, you flipped the gravity of the whole theater!
Doric
You did?
Simon
By accident. It was wild magic and that only happened because they were gonna kill me.
Edgin
Exactly! Look, you are at your strongest when you think you're at your weakest. But you deliver. [pats Simon on the cheek] You're gonna get into that vault, okay? Not because you can, but because you must.
Doric
I'm gonna keep chipping away. If I can get a quarter inch, I'll be able to squeeze through as a worm.
Edgin
As a worm! A-as a worm! Perfect! Do you see this? Now we have a Plan D if Plan C fails.
Holga
Isn't Plan D just Plan B again?
Edgin
Plan B has a stink too.
Simon
It all stinks.
Sofina
For too long, I've endured the arrogance of Forge Fitzwilliam, the false charm, the quips. And just as I begin to purge this place of its living filth, you dare interpose. Now, as you die, rest assured it will not be the end, for you will forever suffer.
Edgin
Ugh! I'm sorry, your breath just smells like...old clothes. It's bad.
Sofina
What is this?
Simon
I countered your Time Stop. I got better.
Edgin
We had to distract you so Kira could slap on that cuff and so Doric could do this. [Doric turns into an owlbear and attacks Sofina] I think you got her. [Sofina wakes up; Doric pins her again and throws her into a wall]
Simon
Szass Tam won't be happy about this.
Edgin
Well, if he comes back, we'll be ready.
Doric
"We"?
Edgin
Oh, that's right. You don't like humans, do you?
Doric
Some are okay. What about you? Going back to the Harpers? Be with your people?
Edgin
I'm with my people.
Simon
So, uh, I know my last attempt to court you was quite bad. [chuckles] But I wonder if you'd consider having another go at it.
Doric
Yeah, alright.
Simon
Yeah?
Doric
Calm down.
Simon
Right. [sighs]