General Jack D. Ripper quotes from Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

General Jack D. Ripper

Indeed, I did send out the order for Plan R, R for Robert...yes...yes, I take full responsibility...eh? Oh, no...don't you see, General? The commies...don't you--don't you use Clemenceau on me. The planes...no, it can't be done, Ripper. They are on their way in and no one can bring them back. For the sake of our country and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. My boys will give you the best kind of start, 1400 megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now. So let's get going. There's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear and in true health through the purity and essence of our natural fluids. God bless you all. [hangs up] And godspeed, soldier.

General Jack D. Ripper

Two can play at that game, soldier!...That's nice shooting soldier!

General Jack D. Ripper

In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress, come here and feed me this belt, boy...The Red Coats are coming!

General Jack D. Ripper

Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? Ice cream, Mandrake? Children's ice cream!...You know when fluoridation began?...1946. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual, and certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works. I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love...Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I-I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women, er, women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake...but I do deny them my essence.

Ripper

The base is being put on Condition Red. I want this flashed to all sections immediately.

Condition Red, sir, yes, jolly good idea. That keeps the men on their toes.

Ripper

Group Captain, I'm afraid this is not an exercise.

Not an exercise, sir?

Ripper

It looks like we're in a shooting war.

Oh hell. Are the Russians involved, sir?

Ripper

It just came in on the Red Phone. My orders are for this base to be sealed tight, and that's what I mean to do, seal it tight. Now, I want you to transmit plan R, R for Robert, to the wing. Plan R for Robert...It looks like it's pretty hairy...Now last, and possibly most important - I want all privately-owned radios to be immediately impounded...They might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs.

I think those fellas in the Pentagon have given us some sort of exercise to test our readiness. Personally, I think it's taking things a bit too far. Our fellows will be inside Russian radar, Captain, in about twenty minutes....I thought to myself, 'Our fellows hitting Russian radar cover in 20 minutes, dropping all their stuff, I'd better tell you because if they do, it will cause a bit of a stink, what?'

Ripper

I will not tolerate any special prerogatives to question my orders from an officer in the Exchange Programme.

Let's face it, we, we don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to, do we?

Ripper

The planes are not going to be recalled. My attack orders have been issued and the orders stand.

There is something dreadfully wrong somewhere.

Ripper

Could you please fix me a drink of rain water and grain alcohol?

Oh, you're going to have a little wash and brush up, are you? What a good idea. Always did wonders for a man that, Jack. A little wash and brush up, water on the back of the neck. Makes you feel marvelous. That's what we need, Jack! Water on the back of the neck and the code...

Ripper

A decision is being made by the President and the Joint Chiefs in the War Room at the Pentagon. And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the Wing, there will be only one course of action open. Total commitment. Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said about war?

No, I don't think I do, sir, no.

Ripper

He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, fifty years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

Ripper

Mandrake?

Yes, Jack?

Ripper

Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?

Well, I can't say I have.

Ripper

Vodka, that's what they drink, isn't it? Never water?

Well, I-I believe that's what they drink, Jack, yes.

Ripper

On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.

Oh, eh, yes. I, uhm, can't quite see what you're getting at, Jack.

Ripper

Water, that's what I'm getting at, water. Mandrake, water is the source of all life. Seven-tenths of this earth's surface is water. Why, do you realize that seventy percent of you is water?

Uh, uh, Good Lord!

Ripper

And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.

Yes.

Ripper

Are you beginning to understand?

Yes.

Ripper

Mandrake. Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rain water, and only pure-grain alcohol?

Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes.

Ripper

Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water?

Uh? Yes, I-I have heard of that, Jack, yes. Yes.

Ripper

Well, do you know what it is?

No, no I don't know what it is, no.

Ripper

Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?

Ripper

You know those clowns outside are gonna give me a pretty good going over in a few minutes - for the code...I don't know how well I could stand up under torture.

Well of course, the answer to that is, boy, no one ever does. And my advice to you, Jack, is to give me the code now. And if those devils come back and try any rough stuff, we'll fight 'em together, boy, like we did just now, on the floor, eh? You with the old gun, and me with the belt and the ammo, feeding you Jack! Feed me, you said, and I was feeding you, Jack.

Ripper

I happen to believe in a life after this one. I know I'll have to answer for what I've done.

Erm, yes, Jack.

Ripper

And, do you know what, Mandrake? I think I'll be able to answer for it.

Oh, going to shave, I see? Well, jolly good, Jack, but I'm...you know, I'm just sure I could withstand the torture...you know, if you could just tell me the recall code now--
[Ripper shoots himself]

General Ripper, sir, as an officer in Her Majesty's Air Force, it is my clear duty, under the present circumstances, to issue the recall code, upon my own authority, and bring back the wing. If you'll excuse me sir. [Mandrake tries all exits and finds them locked] I'm afraid sir, I must ask you for the key and the recall code. Have you got them handy sir?

I told you to take it easy, Group Captain. There's nothing anybody can do about this thing now. I'm the only person who knows the three letter code group.

Then I must insist, sir, that you give them to me.

Do I take it, sir, that you are threatening a brother officer with a gun?

Mandrake, I suppose it never occurred to you that while we're chatting here so enjoyably, a decision is being made by the President and the Joint Chiefs in the war room at the Pentagon. And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the wing, there will be only one course of action open: total commitment. Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said about war?

No. I don't think I do sir, no.

He said war was too important to be left to the Generals. When he said that, fifty years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

I'm sure they died thinking of you, every man-jack of them, er, Jack. Anyway, so what if a little water did go up? Can't be too careful, I always say… but look at me: do I look all rancid and clotted? Do I, Jack? Huh? Huh? And I drink lots of water. I'm what you might call a water man, Jack; that's what I am. And I swear to you, my boy;–– swear to you;–– there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids! Not a thing, Jackie.

Mandrake, were you ever a prisoner-of-war?