Most scenes together: General "Buck" Turgidson & President Merkin Muffley (11), Colonel 'Bat' Guano & Gp Capt. Mandrake (6), General Jack D. Ripper & Lionel Mandrake (4)
You sure gotta hand it to those Commies...Gee, those trucks sure look like the real thing, don't they?...I wonder where they got 'em from?...Probably bought them from the Army as war surplus...OK. Open up at 200 yards.
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room!
Note: ranked #64 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.
Lt. Zogg Major Kong, is it possible this is some kind of loyalty test? You know: give the 'go code' and then recall to see who would actually go?
James Earl Jones' film debut.
The fools...the mad fools...The Doomsday Machine...A device which will destroy all human and animal life on earth.
All I was told to do was to get General Ripper on the phone with the President of the United States.
Now just one second. You just said, "The President".
What about the President?
Now, the President wants to speak to General Ripper, doesn't he? Now, General Ripper is dead, is he not? I am General Ripper's Executive Officer, so the President will bloody well want to speak to me, won't he? [gestures at a payphone booth] There's a telephone box over there, and the line may be open.
You wanna talk to the President of the United States?
I don't want to talk to him, Colonel, I've got to talk to him. And I can assure you that if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense, the court of inquiry on this will give you such a pranging, you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!
I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of human specimens. It would be quite easy...heh, heh...at the bottom of ah...some of our deeper mineshafts. Radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet deep, and in a matter of weeks, sufficient improvements in drilling space could easily be provided.
How long would you have to stay down there?
...I would think that uh, possibly uh...one hundred years...It would not be difficult Mein Fuehrer! Nuclear reactors could, heh...I'm sorry, Mr. President. Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely. Greenhouses could maintain plant life. Animals could be bred and slaughtered. A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country, but I would guess that dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could easily be provided.
Well, I, I would hate to have to decide...who stays up and...who goes down.
Well, that would not be necessary, Mr. President. It could easily be accomplished with a computer. And a computer could be set and programmed to accept factors from youth, health, sexual fertility, intelligence, and a cross-section of necessary skills. Of course, it would be absolutely vital that our top government and military men be included to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition. Naturally, they would breed prodigiously, eh? There would be much time, and little to do. Ha, ha. But ah, with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of say, ten females to each male, I would guess that they could then work their way back to the present Gross National Product within say, twenty years.
Wouldn't this nucleus of survivors be so grief-stricken and anguished that they'd, well, envy the dead and not want to go on living?
When they go down into the mine, everyone would still be alive. There would be no shocking memories, and the prevailing emotion will be one of nostalgia for those left behind, combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead! [involuntarily gives the Nazi salute and forces it down with his other hand]Ahhh!
Doctor, you mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious...service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.
I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.
The whole point of the doomsday machine is lost...if you keep it a secret! Why didn't you tell the world, eh?!
It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know, the Premier loves surprises.
Is that the Russian ambassador you're talking about?
Yes it is, General.
A-A-Am I to understand the *Russian* ambassador is to be admitted entrance to th-the War Room?
That is correct, he is here on my orders.
I... I don't know exactly how to put this, sir, but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be? I mean, he'll see everything, he'll... he'll see the Big Board!
Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth, both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing. But it is necessary now to make a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless distinguishable, post-war environments: one where you got 20 million people killed, and the other where you got 150 million people killed!
You're talking about mass murder, General, not war.
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops! Uh, depending on the breaks.
I will not go down in history as the greatest mass murderer since Adolf Hitler.
Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American people, than with your image in the history books.
Colonel... that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there.
That's private property.
Colonel! Can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life, and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With a gun! That's what the bullets are for, you twit!
Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you?
What?
You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company.
Don't you know that General Ripper went as mad as a bloody March Hare, and sent the whole wing over to attack the Soviets? Don't you know that?!
What are you talkin' about?
I'll tell you what I'm talking about. I'm going to pick up this red telephone, which is connected directly to SAC, and I hope-- [tries but the phone is dead] --blast. Blast! Shot away, I expect, by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting! Right! [picks up another phone only to discover the cord connecting it to the receiver has been severed]
All right, Charlie. I've been wastin' too much time on you. I got a lot of wounded men outside. Start walkin'.
General Ripper, sir, as an officer in Her Majesty's Air Force, it is my clear duty, under the present circumstances, to issue the recall code, upon my own authority, and bring back the wing. If you'll excuse me sir. [Mandrake tries all exits and finds them locked] I'm afraid sir, I must ask you for the key and the recall code. Have you got them handy sir?
I told you to take it easy, Group Captain. There's nothing anybody can do about this thing now. I'm the only person who knows the three letter code group.
Then I must insist, sir, that you give them to me.
Do I take it, sir, that you are threatening a brother officer with a gun?
Mandrake, I suppose it never occurred to you that while we're chatting here so enjoyably, a decision is being made by the President and the Joint Chiefs in the war room at the Pentagon. And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the wing, there will be only one course of action open: total commitment. Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said about war?
No. I don't think I do sir, no.
He said war was too important to be left to the Generals. When he said that, fifty years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
I'm sure they died thinking of you, every man-jack of them, er, Jack. Anyway, so what if a little water did go up? Can't be too careful, I always say… but look at me: do I look all rancid and clotted? Do I, Jack? Huh? Huh? And I drink lots of water. I'm what you might call a water man, Jack; that's what I am. And I swear to you, my boy;–– swear to you;–– there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids! Not a thing, Jackie.
Mandrake, were you ever a prisoner-of-war?
I think there's some kind of deviated prevert. And I think General Ripper found out about your preversion and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts....All I was told to do was get General Ripper on the phone with the President of the United States.
And I can assure you, if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense, the court of Enquiry on this'll give you such a pranging, you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant.
What kind of suit you call that, fella?
This happens to be an RAF uniform, sir. And I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake. I am General Ripper's Executive Officer. I've got a very good idea what the recall code is and I have to get in touch with SAC headquarters immediately...May I tell you that I have a very, very good idea, I think, I hope, I pray, what the recall code is. It's some sort of recurrent theme he kept repeating. It's a variation on Peace on Earth or Purity of Essence. EOP. OPE. It's one of those...Don't you know that General Ripper went as mad as a bloody March Hare and sent the whole Wing to attack the Soviets? Don't you know that?
