Nadal quotes from The Dictator (2012)

View Quote [In a flashback, Nadal has led a team in designing a nuclear missile for Wadiya]
General Aladeen: Hmm. It is too round on the top. It needs to be pointy. Round is not scary. Pointy is scary. This will put a smile on the faces of the enemy. They will think that it is a huge robot dildo flying toward them.
Nadal: No, Supreme Leader. The shape of the missile top has nothing to do with aerodynamics. It is about the payload delivery.
General Aladeen: No. It sticks in the ground, and then kaboom.
Nadal: Supreme Leader, I think perhaps some of your information about bombs is coming from cartoons.
General Aladeen:
[theatrical version] Nonsense. I have been watching research films.
[extended version] Nonsense. They were research films. And in them the victims of the bomb would get very sooty faces and then a see-through version of themselves started rising up towards Heaven while playing a harp.
Nadal: In this film, just one question, was there a duck who, when the explosion is happens, his bill goes around to the back of his head, and then in order to talk, he has to put it back this way?
General Aladeen: There was somebody who suffered a deformity like that.
Nadal: I am now 100% sure that you are watching cartoons.
[in the extended version]
General Aladeen: Have you spoken to the experts about this? Have you consulted Professor Bobeye?
Nadal: Who?
General Aladeen: Professor Bobeye. The one with the incredibly strong forearms that are miss-sized for his body.
Nadal: The man you are discussing is called Popeye.
General Aladeen: Bobeye.
Nadal: He is not a professor. Popeye is, as the song tells us, a sailor man.
[end of extended version]
General Aladeen: Indulge me. For one second, pretend that I'm an idiot.
Nadal: Okay, I'm there.
[in the extended version]
General Aladeen: And explain to me how this bomb will not land in Israel and then literally bounce right back and blow up Wadiya.
Nadal: Supreme Leader, let me explain.
General Aladeen: [instantly] You've lost me.
Nadal: [shrugs] This is the missile in Wadiya. You push the button. "Boop!" [he mimics the missile] Israel... [he mimics the explosion, then mimics people screaming] "No! Why! Aaah!" Nuclear winter.
General Aladeen: The reality is... [Aladeen does something similar, except he mimics the missile bouncing back] Oy vey! "Aah!" Us.
Nadal: Believe me, sir. If I could make the device a little more pointy, I would but I simply cannot.
[end of extended version]
General Aladeen: Okay. You know what? Let's agree to disagree, my friend.
Nadal: Nadal.
[signaling for him to be executed]
Nadal: [while being apprehended] What? Why?! No!

View Quote [Aladeen and Nadal are riding in a helicopter over Manhattan with two American passengers]
General Aladeen: I love being an Americans! America is number one! Oh, I am from U.S.A.! My father also from U.S.A. My great-grandfather fought in the American Civil Jihad. I am very proud to be an American, I am America's number one douche. [Speaking different language] I've fooled them. Job done.
Nadal: So, how are things back at the Palace?
General Aladeen: Fine, but guess who's still living in my guest house?
Nadal: Ooh, Bin Laden?
General Aladeen: Yes, Osama. Bin Laden flooding the bathroom every time he showers... And how hard is it to put a bath mat down, Bin Laden? [Both laugh] Hey, do you remember my favorite sports car?
Nadal: You mean your Porsche?
General Aladeen: Yes... the 911.
Nadal: Oh, Nine Eleven, it's the best.
General Aladeen: So I was driving my 911 near the palace one day... [Imitating crashing effect] and I totally crashed! [Both laugh] It's ok, I've already ordered a new one. A brand new 911 2012.
Nadal: You know, while you are here, you should try to see some of the sights... such as the Empire State Building... and Yankee Stadium.
General Aladeen: And I'd love to see the fireworks over the Statue of Liberty. [Imitating explosions; both laugh]
Nadal: Hey, have your old back problems been bothering you?
General Aladeen: Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that I made myself a back brace.
Nadal: Really?
General Aladeen: Yes, look, I'm still wearing it. [He reveals to wear something resembling an explosive vest) Hey, my English is getting good... ...I bet I can count down from five faster than you can!
Aladeen and Nadal: Five, four, three, two, one!

View Quote General Aladeen: I've discovered this amazing thing. I have to show you how to do it. It's called self juicing, You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.
Nadal: I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with an adult man.
General Aladeen: What do you mean? You knew about this?
Nadal: Everybody knows about this. We all know about this from the age of 12, 13.
General Aladeen: Why does nobody ever tell me anything?
Nadal: Because you have everybody executed who tells you anything.

View Quote [Nadal notices Aladeen walking funny as they approach the helicopter]
Nadal: Are you okay?
General Aladeen: My guy has a limp. I fell off me horse at the old Bull & Bush Pub because I'm a cockney.
Nadal: Listen, listen, okay? You need to focus up right now and be prepared to deliver a small, subtle performance.
General Aladeen: Okay, great, okay.
Nadal: Okay, good.
General Aladeen: [Pulling eyelids backwards] Okay, so when we go to fly...
Nadal: [Slaps Aladeen's hands off] Don't do that with your eyes! You can't be a Chinese person on this thing, okay?
General Aladeen: I'm not Chink, I'm Chinese-American!
Nadal: No, but you cannot hold your eyes! Nobody is going to think you're Chinese-American because you hold your eyes like that! It's racist, what you're doing!
General Aladeen: Do you know it's a fact that they cannot pronounce their R's? They pronounce them as L's. So instead you know what 'rabbit' is in Chinese?
Nadal: I don't know how to speak Chinese.
General Aladeen: It's 'labbit'.
Nadal: It's not 'labbit'!
General Aladeen: Yes! 'Who Shot Loger Labbit' was a huge hit in China!
Nadal: Nobody... It's stup... All right, I don't care! This is stupid, okay?
General Aladeen: Okay, I'll do Filipino. I like to work, I like to talk.
[pulling eyelids backwards]
General Aladeen: I like the shit, I do the kids.
Nadal: [Pulling Aladeen's hands off] Stop that! Your Filipino is the same as your Chinese!
General Aladeen: Now who's being a lacist? You're being lacist now!
Nadal: I'm not being racist! Right now, we have to get on this helicopter and we have to act like true Americans.
General Aladeen: I guess you don't want me to play black, then.
Nadal: Of course, I don't want you to play black.
General Aladeen: Okay, just throwing it out there.
Nadal: Okay. Don't.