Marie quotes from Dan in Real Life (2007)

Dan

What are you looking for?

Marie

Something funny might be nice. But not something necessarily big, hahaha, laugh out loud funny, and certainly not-make-fun-of-other-people funny, but certainly something human funny. And uh, if it could um, sneak up on you, surprise you, and at the same time make you think that what you thought was only right in a wrong kind of way, and when you're wrong, there's a certain rightness to your wrongness. Well, maybe, what I mean is, more importantly, I'm looking to be swept up. And, at the same time, not. Meaning I want to feel a deep connection to something. Or maybe, I don't know what I'm looking for.

Marie

You. Are. Smooth.

Dan

Actually, I'm not smooth. I'm, uh, Dan.

Marie

So you're telling me you're one of those widowers with three daughters who preys on unsuspecting women in bookstores?

Dan

It seems that way, yeah.

Dan

Mitch is a great guy.

Marie

He is, he is. He's fun and uh, funny. He's complicated, but in a good way. Just what I need.

Dan

He's a great guy.

Marie

See, I just got out of a relationship, and Mitch was there.

Dan

He's a great guy.

Marie

You keep saying that.

Dan

Well, because he is. So good luck, to all of us.

So a little bird told me you're going to be syndicated.

Dan

Lily. They're looking at a bunch of columnists, it's a long shot at best.

She's amazing! Name a place and she's either lived there or visited. Tibet, Chile, Berlin when there was the walls, she's...gah!

Well, Mitch certainly made out.

Dan

Yup.

And what about you?

Dan

Oh, Dad...

Come on, you always say that with Suzanne you won the lottery and to try again would feel greedy...But it's been 4 years!

Dan

Can we just walk please?

Dan

Stop reading my book, okay. Just stop.

Marie

Why?

Dan

And that salsa thing you do? You know, this thing? Can you just stop that? It would be very helpful to me. And another thing you can do is just not exist.

Marie

Oh, thank you.

Dan

Yeah, I said it. I didn't mean it, but I said it. And you know what else I'm going to do? I am going to make myself less attractive. So as to not encourage any inappropriate feelings!

Dan

okay, that's hilarious. You know what, fine. I'm going to stop thinking about you.

Marie

Good!

Dan

I will. And if I start thinking about you, which may happen in a moment of...

Marie

Weakness.

Dan

Weakness! I am going to focus all of my thoughts on your flaws.

Marie

My flaws?

Dan

Your flaws.

Marie

And they are?

Dan

I have no idea. But you can rest assured that I will find them!

Mitch

Dude I'm sorry, but any girl that moves like that...a guy has got to wonder.

Dan

Hey! [points to Marie]

Mitch

Oh, no, she's cool. Marie, you're cool right?

Marie

Of course! I'm cool. But I don't think Dan's interested in her.

Mitch

He's not?

Dan

I'm not?

Marie

I don't think you are. Are you? [Dan gets up to go dance with Ruthy]

Mitch

Oh, alright! I don't know, but it seems like something was holding him back before.

Marie

Not anymore.

Marie

It's sweet.

Dan

What's sweet? How is that sweet?

Marie

To be so certain; to feel that much love...

Dan

Love. Love isn't a feeling.

Marie

No?

Dan

It's an ability.

Marie

Well, if that's true, you have one gifted daughter!

YOU ARE A MURDERER OF LOVE!

Marie

What was that?

Dan

I couldn't...I couldn't stop myself.

Marie

What am I supposed to do?

Dan

You can't do anything. He's my brother.

Marie

Why did you sing for me? Then?

Dan

Because, I....I'm...

Marie

Page 92, did I just die because an Angel walked into the room? Page 148, uh, I'll forgive you your past if you'll forgive me mine? It seems all of his best lines were yours! It's unbearable. I can't keep pretending.

Marie

What are we doing?

Dan

It may be wrong, but there's a certain rightness to our wrongness, I think.

Marie

Do you think uh, they've gotta think, you've got the girls, and they're...they're extraordinary. I mean...what?

Dan

I think this is all premature.

Marie

You do...

Dan

We don't even know if you can bowl.