You know, that article's accurate. Caitlin's really getting married!
You know what I just watched?
Me pulling a can off some moron's fist?
Return of the Jedi.
Didn't you hear me? Caitlin is really getting married!
Which did you like better? Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back?
Empire.
Blasphemy.
Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, uh, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.
There was something else going on in Jedi. I ever noticed it 'til today. They built another Death Star, right?
Yeah.
Now, the first one was completed and fully operational before the Rebels destroyed it.
Luke blew it up. Give credit where credit is due.
And the second one was still being built when they blew it up.
Compliments of Lando Calrissian.
Something just never sat right with me that second time around. I could never put my figure on it, but something just wasn't right.
And you figured it out?
The first Death Star was manned by the Imperial Army. The only people onboard were stormtroopers, dignitaries. Imperials.
Basically.
So when they blew it up, no problem. Evil's punished.
And the second time around?
The second time around, it wasn't even done being built yet. It was still under construction.
So?
So a construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers...
And not just Imperials. Is that what you're getting at?
Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly, they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average stormtrooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms.
All right, so they bring in independent contractors. Why are you so upset with its destruction?
All those innocent contractors hired to do the job were killed! Casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. All right, look, you're a roofer, and some juicy government contract comes your way. You got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia. This is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living.
Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but what are you two talking about?
The ending of Return of the Jedi.
My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.
Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm a roofer—Dunn and Ready Home Improvements—and speaking as a roofer, I can tell you a roofer's personal politics comes into play heavily when choosing jobs.
Oh yeah, like when?
Three weeks ago, I was offered a job up in the hills. Beautiful house, tons of property. A simple reshingling job! They told me if I could finish it in one day, I would double my price. Then I realized whose house it was.
Whose house was it?
Dominic Bambino's.
"Baby-Face" Bambino the gangster?
The same! The money was right, but the risk was too high. I knew who he was, and based on that, I turned the job over to a friend of mine.
Right! And the next week the Floressi family puts out a hit on Baby-Face's house! My friend was shot and killed. Didn't even finish reshingling!
No way.
I'm alive because I knew the risk involved with that particular client. My friend wasn't so lucky. Any contractor working on that Death Star knew the risk involved. If they got killed, it's their own fault. A roofer listens to this [pointing to his heart], not his wallet.
