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Clerks II

Clerks II quotes

25 total quotes

Dante Hicks
Randal Graves

View Quote That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.
View Quote What'd you do that for?! You realise he just thinks you're trying to get him into a three-way with us now, don't you?
View Quote What's sexier than an elf princess's sword?
View Quote What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look at weird, ****ed-up pictures of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?
View Quote Who would be friends with me? I hate everyone and everything seems stupid to me.
View Quote You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places sellin' weed 'n shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals 'n shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... I'd be the first mother****er to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien life form... and **** it. And people'd be, like, "There he goes; homeboy ****ed the Martian once."
View Quote You never go ass to mouth!
View Quote You're my best friend and I love you, in a totally heterosexual way. Please don't leave me.
View Quote [after walking on the donkey show] I'm disgusted, I'm repulsed... And I can't look away.
View Quote [from an alternate introduction to the characters] Ooh, I ****ing hate sobriety, tubby! Everything's so crisp and loud now, and boring. It's boring, son! It's boring! Well, you could do more to help that, you know. This whole 'not talking' shit's getting old. It didn't matter when I was high, 'cause I'd just imagine you were talking in my head, like The Shining and shit, son. Like The Shining and shit. 'Jay's not here right now, Missus Torrance. Silent Bob's the man who lives inside my mouth'...eww, you ****ing ****, I bet you'd love to live in my mouth." [Silent Bob rolls his eyes] "Well, you had your chance. Back when I was high, you might have had a chance to slip your chubby little **** in me without me noticing, but that shit's NEVER gonna happen now that I'm all dry and your mom's puss. [pause] That is, unless you got a joint? [Silent Bob shoots him a look of shock and surprise] Ooh! Ooh, Mother****er! You're SO ****ing lucky! See, I was just testing you. You're lucky you passed, or I'd have to get rid of you as my sponsor. And then you'd cry like a little BITCH!