A character in The Chumscrubber (2005)

Dean Stiffle quotes from The Chumscrubber (2005)

Jamie Bell

Most-quoted character in The Chumscrubber (2005): in 10 of its 24 quotes
Most scenes with: Crystal Falls (4), Dr. Bill Stiffle (3)

Scenes with Dean Stiffle

10 scenes
Dean Stiffle
[talking to Billy in the phone]

What do you want? What are you talking about, man? Who?

We got Charlie. Your brother. We kidnapped your brother. I got him right now. He's scared shitless.

Dean Stiffle

Why did you kidnap my brother?

So you know I'm not **** around. I want the stuff from Troy.

Dean Stiffle

I already told you...

I don't think you're listening. You are going to get me Troy's drugs.

Dean Stiffle

Or what?

Don't push me, psycho.

Dean Stiffle

Or what?

I'll kill him. That's what I'm gonna kill him. I'm not **** around, man. I swear to God! I'll cut off his **** head!

Dean Stiffle

Fine. Kill him. [hangs up]

Billy, what did he say?

He said for us to kill him. Maybe he is crazy.

Mrs. Johnson suspects that Troy might have been selling drugs to some other kids at school.

Dean Stiffle

Yeah?

How do you feel about that?

Dean Stiffle

I feel that it must have been unfulfilling for him.

That's very interesting. Why do you say that?

Dean Stiffle

Because he killed himself.

Dean Stiffle

Dad, if you write about me again in another one of your stupid books, I'm going to kill you.

Stupid? There are several major book chains around this country that will disagree with you on that point.

[after Crystal's friends have mocked Troy's death to humiliate Dean]

Look, I just wanted to apologize for what happened back there.

Dean Stiffle

Why? Did you do it?

No, but my friends did.

Dean Stiffle

Some pretty nice friends you got there.

What are you saying? It's better to have no friends at all?

Dean Stiffle

Actually, yes.

I don't think you're crazy.

Dean Stiffle

You know, there are several major book chains that would be willing to disagree with you on that point.

How do you eat that?

Dean Stiffle

In pretty much the standard way.

You know, if I ate that everyday, I would get a big fat ass.

Dean Stiffle

Is that your greatest fear?

No, but it's my mother's greatest wish.

Dean Stiffle

What? That you be fat?

No, just fatter than her.

Mrs. Johnson
[at Troy's memorial]

It's my fault. I know it is. I didn't even know him. I didn't know my own son.

Dean Stiffle

Try wanted to play guitar in a rock band -be famous- but he knew he wasn't any good and he felt stupid for wishing that. He had a crush on this girl since he was 13, that he'd never talked to. But he probably wished he would've. He liked you, but he felt sorry for you. He was afraid he'd be like his dad. He was really, really smart, but he kept all his ideas to himself, unless you asked. He took great pictures of people without them even knowing. I miss him, you know? He was my friend. He was my best friend. And I hate myself that I didn't even know he was about to do this.

Mrs. Johnson
[pause]

Thank you.

Dean Stiffle

I read this statistic once, that the average kid sees something like 10,000 dead bodies on TV before he turns 18.

Dean Stiffle

Can/Will somebody pick up THE GOD DAMN PHONE!

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