Coach quotes from Blades of Glory (2007)

So, Coach. I was thinking about the music for our routine.

Coach

Really?

Chazz

We're gonna skate to one song, and one song only: "Lady Hump" by the Black Eyed Peas. What you gonna do with all that junk? / All that junk inside your trunk? / I'm gonna get you, get you drunk / Get you drunk off my lady humps / My humps, my humps / My lovely lady humps.

I don't even know what that means.

Chazz

No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.

No, it's not. It's gross.

Chazz

It gets the people going.

Chazz

Bunk beds?

I don't share rooms.

Chazz

I don't share shit. The night is a very dark time for me.

It's dark for everyone, moron.

Chazz

Not for Alaskans or dudes wearing night-vision goggles.

Coach

All right, this has got to stop right now. From here on out, you guys are a team. You understand? You are going to eat together, sleep together. You are going to pee together. You're going to file a joint income tax return. Practice starts now. End of discussion.

Chazz

Why would we step in baby food?

He's talking about the carpet. Berber?

Chazz

What are you? The rug doctor?

Maybe I am.

Chazz

I'm the rug master.

What does that even mean?

Coach

Shut up and take off your damn shoes.

This ice has not been properly zambonied. And where's the warm-down room?

Coach

We don't have any of that. What we got is a cold storage unit that a buddy of mine let me flood with a garden hose.

Chazz

This guy could not hold my jock sweat.

I could hold it all day long. Try me!

Chazz

Maybe I will.

Maybe you should.

Chazz

You challenging me, princess?

I'm not inviting you to the Skating Federation's Annual Christmas Party!

Chazz

Then bring it on!

It is on!

Coach

Good. We're in an agreement, then.

Coach

Jimmy, you put your clothes on! Jimmy! Damn it!

Watch my icy, hot superslide.

Chazz

Do it.

I will.

Chazz

It's not going to matter because you're flat in front like Ken!

You're fired.

Coach

What?! I brought you the gold medal.

No, you brought me half a gold medal. If I wanted him to share I would have bought him a brother.