G Guests
Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer!
Did someone call me schnorrer?
G Guests
Hooray, hooray, hooray!
Jamison He went into the jungle where all the monkeys throw nuts.
If I stay here, I'll go nuts.
G Guests
Hooray, hooray, hooray! He put all his reliance / In courage and defiance / And risked his life for science.
He is the only white man who covered every acre...
I think I'll try and make her...
G Guests
Hooray, hooray, hooray!
I say, take a letter to my lawyers!
Jamison Well I am taking it!
[long pause, as nothing has yet been written]
Honorable Charles H., uh, Hungerdunger, care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick... semicolon.
Jamison How do you spell semicolon?
All right, make it a comma. [pause] Honorable Charles. H. Hungerdunger, care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick. [pause] Gentlemen, question mark? [grunts]
Jamison Do you want that, uh, [grunt] in the letter?
No, put that in an envelope. [pause] Now then. In re yours of the fifth inst., yours to hand and beg to rep... brackets...[pause] ... We have gone over the ground carefully, and we seem to believe, i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu, that, uh, despite all our... precautionary measures which have been involved... [pause] ...uh, we seem to believe that it is hardly necessary for us to proceed unless we, uh, receive an ipso facto that is not negligible at this moment, quotes, unquotes, and quotes... [pause] ...uh, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain...
Jamison [interrupting]
Hoping this finds him where?
Well, let him worry about that. Don't be so inquisitive, Jamison. Sneak. [pause] I say, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain, as of June 9th, cordially yours, regards. That's all, Jamison.
Jamison [reading back the letter]
"In care of Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, and McCormack..."
You've left out a Hungadunga! You've left out the main one, too. Thought you could slip one over on me, didn't you, eh? All right, leave it out and put in a windshield wiper instead. I tell you what you do, Jamison. I tell you what. Make it, uh, make it three windshield wipers and one Hungadunga. They won't all be there when the letter arrives, anyhow.
Jamison "Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga...and McCormack."
Jamison "Gentlemen, question mark."
"Gentlemen, Question Mark!!" Put it on the penultimate, not on the dipthonic. You want to brush up on your Greek, Jamison. Well, get a Greek and brush up on him!
Jamison "In re yours of the fifteenth."
Jamison Now, uh, you said a lot of things here that I didn't think were important, so I just omitted them.
Well!... [Spaulding swings at his head and misses] Whoa, Captain! Good gracious! Oh, my!
So...you just omitted them, eh? ...You just omitted the body of the letter, that's all. You've just left out the body of the letter, that's all! Yours not to reason why, Jamison! You've left out the body of the letter!...All right, send it that way and tell them the body'll follow.
Jamison Do you want the body in brackets?
No, it will never get there in brackets. Put it in a box. Put it in a box and mark it 'fragilly'.
Jamison Mark it what?
Mark it 'fragilly.' F - R - A - G...Look it up, Jamison. It's in the dictionary. Look under 'fragile'. Look under the table if you don't find it there.
Jamison "Quotes, unquotes, and quotes."
Jamison Yes, sir.
Add another quote and make it a gallon. How much is it a gallon, Jamison?
Jamison Regards.
Regards. That's a fine letter, Jamison, that's an epic. That's dandy. Now, I want you to make two carbon copies of that letter and throw the original away. And when you get through with that, throw the carbon copies away. Just send a stamp, airmail, that's all. You may go, Jamison. I may go too.
