Ravelli: How did you get to be Roscoe W. Chandler?
Chandler Say, how did you get to be an Italian?
Never mind that, whose confession is this?
Played by Louis Sorin 
Animal Crackers (1930) · 38 quotes
Animal Crackers (1930) · 38 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Animal Crackers (1930): in 4 of its 38 quotes
Most scenes with: Captain Spaulding (3)
Scenes with Chandler
4 scenes Chandler 
Yes, I've heard about you for a great many years, Mr. Chandler, and I'm getting pretty darn sick of it, too.
Chandler Quite naturally, I have also heard of the great Captain Spaulding.
Well, that's fine. I've heard of you and you've heard of me. Now have you ever heard the one about the two Irishmen?
Chandler Oh yes, ha, ha, ha.
Well, now that I've got you in hysterics, let's get down to business. My name is Spaulding, Captain Spaulding.
Chandler I am Roscoe W. Chandler.
And I am Jeffrey T. Spaulding. I betcha don't know what the 'T' stands for?
Chandler Uh, Thomas?
Edgar. You were close though. You were close, though, and you still are, I'll bet. Now this is what I want to talk to you about, Mr. Chandler. How would you like to finance a scientific expedition?
Chandler Well, that is a question.
Yes, that is a question. You certainly know a question when you see it. I congratulate you...there's one thing that I've always wanted to do before I quit.
Chandler What is that?
Retire. Now, would you be interested in a proposition of that kind? You know, I've always had an idea that my retirement would be the greatest contribution to science that the world has ever known. This is your chance, Mr. Chandler, when I think of what you have done for this country. And by the way, what have you done for this country?
Chandler Well, I've always tried to do what I could, especially in the world of art.
Art. Well, I don't know how we drifted around to that, but what is your opinion of art?
Chandler I am very glad you asked me!
I withdraw the question! This fellow takes things seriously, it isn't safe to ask him a simple question. Tell me, Mr. Chandler, where are you planning on putting your new opera house?
Chandler Oh, I thought I should like to put it somewhere near Central Park.
I see. Why don't you put it right in Central Park?
Chandler Could we do that?
Sure, do it at night when no one is looking. Why don't you put it in the reservoir and get the whole thing over with? Of course, that might interfere with the water supply. But after all we must remember that 'art is art.' Still, on the other hand, water is water, isn't it? And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like apple sauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
Chandler In the last analysis, it is a question of money. The nickel today is not what it used to be ten years ago.
Well, I'll go further than that. I'll get off at the depot. The nickel today is not what it was fifteen years ago. Do you know what this country needs today?...A seven-cent nickel. Yessiree, we've been using the five-cent nickel in this country since 1492. Now that's pretty near a hundred years' daylight saving. Now, why not give the seven-cent nickel a chance? If that works out, next year we could have an eight-cent nickel. Think what that would mean. You could go to a newsstand, buy a three-cent newspaper and get the same nickel back again. One nickel carefully used would last a family a lifetime!
Chandler Captain Spaulding, I think that is a wonderful idea.
You do, huh?
Chandler Yes.
Then there can't be much to it. Forget about it.
