Black Knight Ghost [after being electrocuted and blown up]
Oh, crap!
Black Knight Ghost Black Knight Ghost You're going nowhere, knave.
Black Knight Ghost Sorry, You're cancelled!
Proximus Caesar Maybe stronger tomorrow.
Proximus Caesar Noa, a kingdom for apes. Humans can never be trusted. Where there are two that can speak, there must be more. Mae has come here to claim the tools inside my vault. Tools that make humans strong and make them dangerous. That is why I must have them first. Yeah? They do not understand that this is our time. This is my kingdom! I must destroy their kind, unless we want to live in cages again.
Proximus Caesar Noa... You showed so much promise. You are going to stand, so that you can bend for your king, before you die!
[Frank walks away to front door with Joey and others following]
Whoa. Hey. What happened? Hey! [Grabs Frank] You can't just leave without telling us what's going on!
"What's going on"? What's going on is that we are ****! That little girl is Kristof Lazaar's daughter.
Shit!
Who's Kristof Lazaar?
Who's Lazaar?!
Dean Bruh, that's an urban legend, man. Calm down.
[drops his bag]
No, dude. He's not a **** urban legend. He's very **** real, believe me. Nobody even knows how big his **** empire is.
So he's, like a crime boss?
He controls a lot more than just crime.
Is Lambert **** insane? He just put a death mark on all of us. Including himself.
What if we just, like, you know, like, give her back and say sorry?
Oh, yeah. [Sarcastically] "Here's your daughter Mr. **** Antichrist! We're really sorry! Hope she's not too traumatized! Let's play a round of golf sometime"!
**** you, Frank.
Peter This isn't the time for sarcasm, okay?
Lambert For those of you that don't know, I go by "Lambert". You all came highly recommended. And so far, those recommendations are paying off.
Peter [Setting handcuffs on Abigail on a bed]
All right, sweet dreams. Okay.
Lambert You know the rules. No real names, no backstories and keep the grab-ass to a minimum. It's a 24-hour job and the hard part is already over. Now you babysit. But the only one that sees the girl is this one. So she hears only one voice. The rest of you... get comfortable. Questions?
Yeah. Who's the girl?
Lambert You don't need to know her name.
I don't care about her name. Whose kid is she?
The ****'s that matter to you?
Lambert A very wealthy man. Who's about to become $50 million poorer. Look, you're safe here and to be completely certain that you can't be tracked, I'm going to collect your cell phones.
Dean Nobody's tracking me.
I'm not taking any chances. Give them over.
Lambert In the bag.
[Tooling on her phone]
One second, I gotta send this real quick. [Lambert grabs it and Sammy pulls it back] Thank you, just- [Lambert snatches it away]
Peter Thank you. [Deposits phone in bag]
Lambert Keep the doors and the girl isolated. Anything else I can do for you before I leave you to it?
Peter Uh, how come we can't use our real names?
So if any of you ****s get caught, we can't rat out the others.
Dean Yeah, dumbass.
Peter You asked the same questions in the van.
Lambert You want names? Fine. [Points to each crew individually] Frank. Dean. Sammy. Peter. Joey and...
Damn. The man got his pulse of pop culture.
Lambert And you're Don **** Rickles. You happy?
Not really.
Dean Who the **** is Don Rickles?
We kidnapped a **** vampire.
A ballerina vampire!
Peter Someone has been messing with us ever since we got here, right?! It's got to be, uh, some kind of trick!
Shh, we got to get out of here, there's got to be another way!
No, I checked all the other doors. This is some kind of magnetically sealed locks and these shutters are two inches thick. [To Sammy] You think you can hack the locks?
With what internet?
I don't know, you can't do it manually?
Well, even if I could, I don't have any equipment! You know, there's got to be a control room or something!
Okay. What do we know about vampires?
Peter That they're not real.
What are we talking about, like an Anne Rice or a True Blood? You know Twilight? Very different kind of vampires.
Okay, we know they feed off blood.
We're really doing right this now?
They can turn other people into vampires.
Oh, okay. **** it. Um, they can turn into bats and stuff like that.
Mind control, they make you do shit.
They don't have a reflection.
Peter [Covers ears with hands]
Not listening to this!
Okay, how do we kill a vampire?
Garlic.
A stake through the heart.
Crucifixes.
Holy water.
Oh, you're a **** priest now?
Daylight is a big one.
Oh, that's a good one, but it's, hmm... [mockingly glances at wrist watch] 3:30 in the **** morning!
Peter [Repeatedly]
Shut up! Shut the **** up!
[Lunges at Peter grabbing him by neck]
Hey dum-dum, we got a real **** situation here. So I don't give a shit what you think. Either you're helping or you're 270 pounds of dead weight. Which is it?!
Peter Helping. [Pulls away Frank's hand] Just don't do that again.
There's pool cues in the game room. Go sharpen them into stakes.
Peter Okay. [Walks away]
Alone?
Yes, alone.
Yep. [Walks away]
What are you thinking?
I say we tool up and kill her.
That's a mistake. You said it yourself. This girl is smart. She's been manipulating us from the start. We don't know if any of this stuff is gonna work. And even if it does, killing her would be the stupidest thing we could do.
And why is that?
Because we lose the only bargaining chip we have.
Well, what do you suggest?
We trade her to Lazaar for our lives.
No. I'm not betting our lives on your **** hunch.
I'm telling you, she's gonna see you coming.
No! Debate is over! Decision made! Okay?!
I got 'em! [Holds up a netted bundle, but the bag does not have garlic.]
Sammy, those are **** onions!
Well, I don't cook! I don't know!
All right. Let's go kill us a ****... vampire! [Walks off]
Good luck. [Frank turns to her] Oh, I'm not going. I already told you why. And if you put your hand around my neck, you'll lose it.
[Holds a hand]
I'm not going to touch you. Go put your feet up. [To Peter and Sammy] You two, on me. Let's hit the kitchen first. **** onions.
Blob / Frederick J. Dukes I don't regret the things I do. I'm proud of what I am. I'm proud of what I've done for my country. 'Cause if you think you can take me, to step up to Fred J. Dukes, you better run. 'Cause if I were to catch up, I might teach ya some manners.
Hey fat- uh, Fred. See, I remember that girl when she was about eighty-five pounds, eh? [referring to Fred's tattoo]
Blob Oh, that's funny. You're still so funny, Logan.
You know where Victor is?
Blob [scared]
No idea.
What's "the island", slim?
Blob Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Logan.
C'mon, could you tell me where Victor is, for old times' sake, bub.
Blob Did you just call me "Blob"?
No, but–
Blob HYAAAAAAAAAAA! [uses his indestructible skin and fat to bounce Wolverine off the ring and across the room]
I told you not to mention his weight. Why'dya call him Blob, man?
Move his ass. Dance with 'em, Fred.
Blob Oooh. what's that suppose to be? You wanna dance with me?
Blob [Wolverine attacks Blob, punching him again and again; Blob stands there.]
Uhh! Oh, that was good. [Wolverine repeatedly punches him, to no effect] Hey, guess what? [Blob punches him, knocking Wolverine across the ring]
See you can talk now. We got him right where we wanted.
Whose side are you on, anyway?