Sammy
What the **** is that thing?!
Joey
We kidnapped a **** vampire.
Sammy
A ballerina vampire!
Peter
Someone has been messing with us ever since we got here, right?! It's got to be, uh, some kind of trick!
Joey
Shh, we got to get out of here, there's got to be another way!
Frank
No, I checked all the other doors. This is some kind of magnetically sealed locks and these shutters are two inches thick. [To Sammy] You think you can hack the locks?
Sammy
With what internet?
Frank
I don't know, you can't do it manually?
Sammy
Well, even if I could, I don't have any equipment! You know, there's got to be a control room or something!
Joey
Okay. What do we know about vampires?
Peter
That they're not real.
Sammy
What are we talking about, like an Anne Rice or a True Blood? You know Twilight? Very different kind of vampires.
Joey
Okay, we know they feed off blood.
Sammy
We're really doing right this now?
Joey
They can turn other people into vampires.
Sammy
Oh, okay. **** it. Um, they can turn into bats and stuff like that.
Frank
Mind control, they make you do shit.
Joey
They don't have a reflection.
Peter
Not listening to this!
Joey
Okay, how do we kill a vampire?
Frank
Garlic.
Joey
A stake through the heart.
Frank
Crucifixes.
Joey
Holy water.
Frank
Oh, you're a **** priest now?
Sammy
Daylight is a big one.
Frank
Oh, that's a good one, but it's, hmm... [mockingly glances at wrist watch] 3:30 in the **** morning!
Peter
Shut up! Shut the **** up!
Frank
Hey dum-dum, we got a real **** situation here. So I don't give a shit what you think. Either you're helping or you're 270 pounds of dead weight. Which is it?!
Peter
Helping. [Pulls away Frank's hand] Just don't do that again.
Frank
There's pool cues in the game room. Go sharpen them into stakes.
Peter
Okay. [Walks away]
Frank
You, go check the kitchen for garlic.
Sammy
Alone?
Frank
Yes, alone.
Sammy
Yep. [Walks away]
Joey
What are you thinking?
Frank
I say we tool up and kill her.
Joey
That's a mistake. You said it yourself. This girl is smart. She's been manipulating us from the start. We don't know if any of this stuff is gonna work. And even if it does, killing her would be the stupidest thing we could do.
Frank
And why is that?
Joey
Because we lose the only bargaining chip we have.
Frank
Well, what do you suggest?
Joey
We trade her to Lazaar for our lives.
Frank
No. I'm not betting our lives on your **** hunch.
Joey
I'm telling you, she's gonna see you coming.
Frank
No! Debate is over! Decision made! Okay?!
Sammy
I got 'em! [Holds up a netted bundle, but the bag does not have garlic.]
Frank
Sammy, those are **** onions!
Sammy
Well, I don't cook! I don't know!
Frank
All right. Let's go kill us a ****... vampire! [Walks off]
Joey
Good luck. [Frank turns to her] Oh, I'm not going. I already told you why. And if you put your hand around my neck, you'll lose it.
Frank
I'm not going to touch you. Go put your feet up. [To Peter and Sammy] You two, on me. Let's hit the kitchen first. **** onions.
