Peter quotes from Abigail (2024)

For those of you that don't know, I go by "Lambert". You all came highly recommended. And so far, those recommendations are paying off.

Peter

All right, sweet dreams. Okay.

You know the rules. No real names, no backstories and keep the grab-ass to a minimum. It's a 24-hour job and the hard part is already over. Now you babysit. But the only one that sees the girl is this one. So she hears only one voice. The rest of you... get comfortable. Questions?

Joey

Yeah. Who's the girl?

You don't need to know her name.

Joey

I don't care about her name. Whose kid is she?

Frank

The ****'s that matter to you?

A very wealthy man. Who's about to become $50 million poorer. Look, you're safe here and to be completely certain that you can't be tracked, I'm going to collect your cell phones.

Nobody's tracking me.

Frank

I'm not taking any chances. Give them over.

In the bag.

Sammy

One second, I gotta send this real quick. [Lambert grabs it and Sammy pulls it back] Thank you, just- [Lambert snatches it away]

Peter

Thank you. [Deposits phone in bag]

Keep the doors and the girl isolated. Anything else I can do for you before I leave you to it?

Peter

Uh, how come we can't use our real names?

Frank

So if any of you ****s get caught, we can't rat out the others.

Yeah, dumbass.

Peter

You asked the same questions in the van.

You want names? Fine. [Points to each crew individually] Frank. Dean. Sammy. Peter. Joey and...

Rickles

Damn. The man got his pulse of pop culture.

And you're Don **** Rickles. You happy?

Rickles

Not really.

Who the **** is Don Rickles?

Joey

Whoa. Hey. What happened? Hey! [Grabs Frank] You can't just leave without telling us what's going on!

Frank

"What's going on"? What's going on is that we are ****! That little girl is Kristof Lazaar's daughter.

Rickles

Shit!

Sammy

Who's Kristof Lazaar?

Frank

Who's Lazaar?!

Bruh, that's an urban legend, man. Calm down.

Frank

No, dude. He's not a **** urban legend. He's very **** real, believe me. Nobody even knows how big his **** empire is.

Sammy

So he's, like a crime boss?

Rickles

He controls a lot more than just crime.

Joey

Is Lambert **** insane? He just put a death mark on all of us. Including himself.

Sammy

What if we just, like, you know, like, give her back and say sorry?

Frank

Oh, yeah. [Sarcastically] "Here's your daughter Mr. **** Antichrist! We're really sorry! Hope she's not too traumatized! Let's play a round of golf sometime"!

Sammy

**** you, Frank.

Peter

This isn't the time for sarcasm, okay?

Sammy

What the **** is that thing?!

Joey

We kidnapped a **** vampire.

Sammy

A ballerina vampire!

Peter

Someone has been messing with us ever since we got here, right?! It's got to be, uh, some kind of trick!

Joey

Shh, we got to get out of here, there's got to be another way!

Frank

No, I checked all the other doors. This is some kind of magnetically sealed locks and these shutters are two inches thick. [To Sammy] You think you can hack the locks?

Sammy

With what internet?

Frank

I don't know, you can't do it manually?

Sammy

Well, even if I could, I don't have any equipment! You know, there's got to be a control room or something!

Joey

Okay. What do we know about vampires?

Peter

That they're not real.

Sammy

What are we talking about, like an Anne Rice or a True Blood? You know Twilight? Very different kind of vampires.

Joey

Okay, we know they feed off blood.

Sammy

We're really doing right this now?

Joey

They can turn other people into vampires.

Sammy

Oh, okay. **** it. Um, they can turn into bats and stuff like that.

Frank

Mind control, they make you do shit.

Joey

They don't have a reflection.

Peter

Not listening to this!

Joey

Okay, how do we kill a vampire?

Frank

Garlic.

Joey

A stake through the heart.

Frank

Crucifixes.

Joey

Holy water.

Frank

Oh, you're a **** priest now?

Sammy

Daylight is a big one.

Frank

Oh, that's a good one, but it's, hmm... [mockingly glances at wrist watch] 3:30 in the **** morning!

Peter

Shut up! Shut the **** up!

Frank

Hey dum-dum, we got a real **** situation here. So I don't give a shit what you think. Either you're helping or you're 270 pounds of dead weight. Which is it?!

Peter

Helping. [Pulls away Frank's hand] Just don't do that again.

Frank

There's pool cues in the game room. Go sharpen them into stakes.

Peter

Okay. [Walks away]

Frank

You, go check the kitchen for garlic.

Sammy

Alone?

Frank

Yes, alone.

Sammy

Yep. [Walks away]

Joey

What are you thinking?

Frank

I say we tool up and kill her.

Joey

That's a mistake. You said it yourself. This girl is smart. She's been manipulating us from the start. We don't know if any of this stuff is gonna work. And even if it does, killing her would be the stupidest thing we could do.

Frank

And why is that?

Joey

Because we lose the only bargaining chip we have.

Frank

Well, what do you suggest?

Joey

We trade her to Lazaar for our lives.

Frank

No. I'm not betting our lives on your **** hunch.

Joey

I'm telling you, she's gonna see you coming.

Frank

No! Debate is over! Decision made! Okay?!

Sammy

I got 'em! [Holds up a netted bundle, but the bag does not have garlic.]

Frank

Sammy, those are **** onions!

Sammy

Well, I don't cook! I don't know!

Frank

All right. Let's go kill us a ****... vampire! [Walks off]

Joey

Good luck. [Frank turns to her] Oh, I'm not going. I already told you why. And if you put your hand around my neck, you'll lose it.

Frank

I'm not going to touch you. Go put your feet up. [To Peter and Sammy] You two, on me. Let's hit the kitchen first. **** onions.

Frank

Ah, Jesus, Mary and mother**** son of a bitch! Oh, ****! [Collapses in chair and pointing to Joey] If you **** say; "I told you so"! Oh, shit. [Joey grabs stake and Frank spits out repeatedly] Wait...! [Joey pulls out stake] Oh, mother****er!

Joey

Why didn't she kill you?

Frank

She is **** with us! [Joey presses on Frank's wound] Oh, ****!

Joey

I'm guessing none of the weapons worked.

Frank

Well, the stake worked on my **** leg, and she used the crucifix on Peter like a **** pincushion and the garlic did **** all! [Sammy presses finger to lips for silence]

Joey

Well, I have one thing we know does work. [Holds up syringe] When we jabbed her with this, she was out, out. If we can corner her, it's nighty-night.

Frank

The sleeping beauty act was bullshit!

Joey

No, it wasn't. I checked her pulse and her breathing was slow and steady. We split up. Whoever finds her first, alerts me through the comms. and I come running with the syringe.

Frank

That's great that you're the only one with a weapon that works.

Joey

Listen, you sit here and bleed, or you trust me.

Peter

Sammy?

Sammy

Yeah.

Frank

****.

Joey

We want to talk.

Abigail

Please, please let me out. I'm scared.

Joey

Cut the shit. You're really good at pretending to be a little girl. Quick question, who's inside the cage right now?

Abigail

Thank you. [Does a curtsy] I've had a few centuries of experience.

Joey

Tell us how to get out of here, and we'll let you go.

Abigail

No.

Sammy

Hey, what's gonna happen to me?! Am I gonna turn into a vampire?!

Abigail

Maybe.

Sammy

Oh, my God! She said "maybe"!

Peter

It's okay.

Frank

Listen little lady, or ma'am, whatever. We're very sorry, okay? We didn't know who you were. We thought you were a regular 12-year old-girl.

Abigail

You were gonna beat me and torture me when you thought I was just a regular 12-year old-girl.

Frank

Yeah, well... like I say, we're very sorry. We would never have taken you if we knew who your father was.

Abigail

You did work for him, didn't you? [All crew look at Frank in dismay] Haven't you wondered why I brought you here?

Peter

You brought us here?

Abigail

Jesus Christ. There was never any money. I planned all of this. Lambert works for me.

Sammy

What are you talking about?

Abigail

Don't you know, Jessie?

Sammy

What did you just call me?

Abigail

Jessica Hurney. You started your career siphoning money from your affluent parents' bank accounts. Hedge funds came next, then private offshore accounts, and eventually much bigger fish. One in particular.

Sammy

I can give it back.

Abigail

Terrence Lacroix. Muscle for the Montreal Broussard family. Did it bore you snapping necks for pay? Enduring endless taunts from your colleagues about your stunted intellect? Is that why you stole from your whole crew who just happened to be a tiny subsidiary of our whole empire? How long did the money last, you weak, disloyal inebriate? [Peter looks guilty] Former Detective Adam Barrett. You thought you could infiltrate our New York arm under deep cover. But you liked the life a little too much, didn't you? The power you had when you were free of rules and regulations. It became an addiction. How empty did you feel when you finally arrested our three lieutenants you'd worked so hard to get close to? And how empty did you feel after I ripped up their bodies in the hotel penthouse because of you? You changed your name, you left town, and you never saw your family again. But it wasn't for their safety, was it, Detective Barrett? Finally, we have the tragic Ana Lucia Cruz. Former army medic drummed out of service for shooting up Uncle Sam's morphine.

I was injured in the field.

Abigail

You tried to take care of your son, before abandoning him to his ****up of a father

Shut up.

Abigail

You became an underground doctor for some very shady people. But one day, you were just too high to do your job, and instead of removing a bullet, you nicked an artery, and someone very important to my father's business bled out. But you and Detective Barrett have something in common. You never went back for your son.

Shut the **** up! And what do you tell yourself, huh? That you want to be your daddy's little errand girl? No, he did lose interest in you. That wasn't a lie. How many of your father's enemies you're gonna have to kill until he loves you again?

If this is about revenge, why didn't you just kill us? Why'd you bring us here?

Because it isn't. This is just a game to her.

Bullshit. She was screaming at the house and Dad triggered the alarm.

That wasn't even her father. That wasn't Lazaar. And for what, because you're **** bored?! For your **** entertainment?!

Abigail

What can I say? I like playing with my food. You're the same as all the other meat sacks I've brought here over the years. Nothing different about any of you. Nothing special. Just something to help me pass the time.

Quick question. Who's inside a cage right now?

Abigail

If you let me out, I'll let two of you live.

Oh. Which two? [Jessica slaps him] What?!

Abigail

It's a surprise.

**** this. Let's just kill her now.

Abigail

You tried that, Frank. If you would like to open this door and try again, please do. My offer just expired. Now I'll only let one of you live, whoever lets me out. [Ana and Terrence both draw pistols at each other]

She's **** lying, you moron. You touch that door, you're as dead as the rest of us.

Maybe it's worth a try.

We have her Peter. That's why we did this, so we can trade her for our lives.

Abigail

That will never happen. Joey was right. No matter how many of you I kill, my father doesn't love me, and he's not gonna trade me for anything. So go on, Peter, let me out. Go on.

Peter, if you touch that door, I will shoot you.

I'm sorry, guys. [Reaches for latch with Ana shooting him in the torso] Ah! [Repeatedly] You shot me!

I barely grazed you. Now give me your gun so I can patch you up.

You're sure crazy.

I prefer "impatient". Frank, help me out. Sammy, watch her.

**** that shit. Hm-mm.

Sammy.

I'm not staying down here... with that. **** that shit, Joey.

I got this. [Ana, Terrence and Jessica walk away]