Snatch quotes

View Quote Avi: So what should I call you, "Bullet"? "Tooth"?
Bullet Tooth Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

View Quote Tommy: Who took the jam outta your doughnut?
Turkish: You took the ****ing jam outta my doughnut, Tommy. You did.

View Quote Mickey: I'll tell ya what. I'll do it for a caravan.
Turkish: For what?
Pikeys: For a caravan.
Tommy: It was us who wanted a caravan.
[looking around]
Tommy: Anyway, what's wrong with this one?
Mickey: It's not for me. It's for me ma.
Turkish: Your what?
Pikeys: His ma.

View Quote Goody gumdrops. Get us a cup of tea, will ya, Errol?

View Quote Bullet Tooth Tony: A bookie's got blagged last night.
Avi: Blagged? Tony, speak English. I thought this country spawned the ****ing language, and so far nobody seems to speak it.

View Quote (For comedic effect, all of this character's lines are spoken with a thick Gypsy-Irish accent, slurred together, and spoken very quickly.) Ah bet ya cn' box a lit'l, can't ya sir? Aye, ya look lak a boxer.

View Quote [after seeing Gorgeous George throw an elbow and headbutt a punching bag]
Tommy: Is he allowed to do that?
Turkish: It's an unlicensed boxing match, Tommy. It's not a tickling competition. These lads are out to hurt each other.

View Quote [After losing the bet to the pikeys]
Tommy: Who's proper ****ed now, then?
[Next scene]
Tommy: There's something very wrong about this. It was us who wanted to buy a caravan off of him.
Turkish: Well, why didn't you "bust a cap in his ass" then, Tommy? Mind you, you'd do more damage if you threw it at him.
Tommy: What, you sayin' I can't shoot?
Turkish: No Tommy, I wasn't saying you can't shoot. I know you can't shoot. What we're saying is that six pound piece of shit stuck in your pants would do more damage if you fed it to him.
Tommy: You saying the gun dont work?
Turkish: You've tried it?
[Next scene--Tommy tries to shoot out of the window, but the gun doesn't work]
Turkish: Whoops.
Tommy: I wanna see that sneaky ****ing Russian.

View Quote Bullet Tooth Tony: Avi? Where's the case?
Avi: [on the floor face-down] Put the gun away.
Bullet Tooth Tony: What's Boris doing here? Boris, what are you doing here?
Boris: **** you!
[Tony shoots him twice, then goes over to Tyrone]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Where's the case?
Boris:[groans] You piece of crap...
Bullet Tooth Tony: Don't take the piss, Boris.
Boris: I'll show you... now...!
[Tony shoots him four more times]
Boris: **** You!
[Tony shoots him again]
Boris: Almost had it.
Bullet Tooth Tony: For ****'s sake...
[Takes careful aim and shoots Boris one more time; looks down at Tyrone]
Bullet Tooth Tony: [Contempt] **** you, an' all.
[Casually pulls the trigger, only to learn that he has run out of ammunition]
Bullet Tooth Tony: [Exasperated] You lucky bastard!

View Quote [Looking at a surveillance tape of the bookies]
Brick Top: Do you know these tits, Errol?
Errol: I know a lot of tits, Gov'nor. But I don't know quite any as ****ing stupid as these two.
Brick Top: John?
John: I can't help, Guv.
[Until Tyrone appears onscreen]
Errol: Ah. Tyrone.
John and Errol [simultaneously]: You silly fat bastard.

View Quote Turkish: What brings you two here? Run out of pants to sniff?
Errol: That sounds like hostility, doesn't it, John?
John: And we don't like hostility, do we, Errol?
Errol: No, we don't, John.

View Quote Turkish: **** me, hold tight. What's that?
Tommy: It's me belt, Turkish.
Turkish: No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?
Tommy: It's for protection.
Turkish: Protection from what? "Zee Germans"? What's to stop it from blowing your bollocks off every time you sit down?

View Quote (Regarding "Boris the Blade") Sneaky ****in' Russian.

View Quote Tyrone: I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats.
Vinny: Your seats? Tyrone, this is a stolen car, mate.

View Quote [Having blundered into Avi, holding him up at gunpoint]
Vinny: Give me the case or I'll shoot you.
Avi: [Contemptful and fed-up] **** you. Shoot me.
Vinny: I will! I'll shoot you!
[Vinny and Sol fumble with their guns; Tony, hearing the shouting, approaches from another room. Boris enters, brandishing an assault rifle]
Boris: Give me case, or I shoot you.
Avi: You know what? **** you too. Go ahead and shoot me, you'd be doin' me a favor, you wretched ****! Go ahead!
Boris: [to Vinny and Sol] You! Drop guns!
Vinny: [to Boris] **** you! You drop the gun!
Boris: [takes aim] Okay...
Bullet Tooth Tony: [from another room] Avi? Pull your socks up!
[Avi, Vinny, Sol and Tyrone stare at one another, then fall to the floor. Tony shoots through the wall and into the room, wounding Boris]