The Simpsons Movie

The Simpsons Movie quotes

86 total quotes (ID: 540)

Bart
Homer
Lisa
Marge
Multiple Characters


[Homer is happily eating a Krusty Burger while an angry Bart glares at him for not taking the blame when he should have.]
Homer: Hey, what's with you? [Accidentally spits on Bart]
Bart: [Wipes off spit] You really wanna know?
Homer: Of course I do. What kind of father wouldn't care about a PIG WEARING A HAT!
[He has noticed a pig wearing a chef's hat, sitting on a chair with Krusty the Clown. They are filming a commercial.]
Director: Action!
Krusty the Clown: [holding a sandwich] Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty for my new pork sandwich, the Clogger! If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico! [laughs, then takes a bite of the sandwich] Mmmm!
Director: And... we're clear.
[Krusty spits out the sandwich in disgust, then throws it away]
Krusty: Uggh... Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
[A saw is held up to the pig. It squeals in terror.]
Homer: [horrified] Wha--?!? You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
[The pig runs across to Homer, looking up at him in desperation. Homer briefly imagines himself and the pig dancing in a field to the song Happy Together, dressed as hippies. He then smiles and picks up the pig.]
Homer: You're coming home with me...


[Marge watches the video of Grandpa on Comic Book Guy's phone.]
Grandpa (on video): Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! TRAPPED FOREVER! Epa! Epa!
Marge: "Epa"? What could that be?
Comic Book Guy: I believe that's the sound that the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid: "EEEEEEEEPAAH!"
[Slight pause]
Marge: ... Uhh... yeah. Thanks for coming over.
Comic Book Guy: Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. Never known comfort like this!

Russ Cargill: Mr. President?
President Schwarzenegger: Ja, dat is me.
Russ Cargill: Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
President Schwarzenegger: Oh, I hate this job! Everything's "crisis" this and "end of the world" that! Nobody opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito.
Russ Cargill: You want a joke, huh? Stop me if you've heard... THIS one!
[He holds up a cage containing the squirrel mutated by the polluted lake]
President Schwarzenegger: Aaah! Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound!
Russ Cargill: You know, sir, when you made me head to the EPA, you were applauded for appointing one of the most successful men of the America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Cause I'm a rich man, and wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here's our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth!
President Schwarzenegger: I'm listening.
Russ Cargill: [gets out five files] Well, I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options. Each will cause untold misery and--
President Schwarzenegger: I pick number three!
Russ Cargill: You don't wanna read them first?
President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to lead, not to read. Number three!

[Homer decides that he doesn't want to save Springfield from being destroyed.]
Homer: I'm happy here. Screw Springfield!
Marge: [gasps] I can't believe you'd say something so selfish!
Homer: Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At four in the afternoon!
Marge: It was seven at night.
Homer: It was during Access Hollywood!
Marge: Which is on at four and seven.
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: Dad, how could you turn your back on everyone who loved us?!
Bart: Flanders helped us when we were in trouble!
Homer: Who cares what Flanders thinks? He's not your father!
Bart: I wish he was!
Homer: [scoffs] You don't mean that. You practically worship me.
Bart: Oh yeah? Look what I did to your picture! [Picture shows Homer with marker written on it to make him look like Flanders]
Homer: AAAH!
Bart: Look at it, Homer! [holds it up to Homer's face] How-dilly-doodily! How-dilly-doodlily! How--
Homer: WHY, YOU LITTLE--!! [strangles him] I'll strangle-angle you!
Bart: [strangled] Diddily! Diddily!

Ned: Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
Bart: Oh yeah.
Ned: And if you look real close, you can almost -- YAAGH!!
[Ned has seen the multi-eyed squirrel (which grows an extra eye)]
Ned: Well, this certainly seems odd, but ... who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh, we thank you Lord for this mighty fine, intelligent design. [switches to the squirrels multi-eyes point-of-veiw] Good job.
Bart: [continously jabs the squirrels' eyes (every eye he jabs goes black from the squirrels' POV)] Jabbity-jabbity-jab-jab-jab!
Male EPA Agent: Hey, jab one more eye and its a federal crime!

Mr. Burns: So... you want some of my electricity, do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.

[Marge and Grandpa are discussing his prophecy while Maggie is playing a "Baby Blast" game on a handheld which she confiscated from Bart in church.]
Marge: [discussing Grandpa's prophecy with him] "A thousand eyes." What could that be?
Grandpa: Hmm... I'm pretty sure a thousand... is a number...
[Homer pokes his head in]
Homer: Hey, Marge! Isn't it great being married to somebody who's recklessly impulsive?
Marge: Actually, it's aged me horribly.
Homer: Then say hello to the newest Simpson!
[He comes in, carrying the pig (now named "Plopper"). Marge notices his twisted tail, and with shock remembers that part of Grandpa's prophecy.]
Marge: Homer... I believe that Grandpa's prophecy warned us about precisely this! Please get rid of that pig!
Homer: [not worried] Aw, you're gonna love him! Look, he does an impression of you...
[Homer pulls Plopper's tail, causing him to scream and then do a deep-throated growl similar to Marge's trademark groan]
Homer: [s****s] You nailed her! He also does me...
[He squeezes Plopper, causing him to belch. Marge laughs.]
Homer: You smiled, I'm off the hook!

[Russ Cargill levels a shotgun at Homer and Bart]
Russ Cargill: Hello, Homer.
Homer: So, we meet at last... whoever-you-are.
Cargill: There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School. One is how to cope with defeat; the other is how to handle a shotgun. I'm going to do both right now.
Bart: Wait! If you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried.
Cargill: What treasure?
Bart: The treasure of... Ima Weiner!
Cargill: "I'm a weiner"?
[Homer and Bart laugh]
Homer: Classic!
Cargill: Well, always leave 'em laughing. Goodbye, sir.
[Cargill aims the shotgun at Homer and is about to fire, when a large rock falls on his head and knocks him out. Maggie reveals herself as the one who whacked him out.]
Homer: Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be!

[During the credits, we see that someone has stolen everything in Burns' mansion.]
Smithers: They've taken everything, sir.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, I don't believe in suicide, but... if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.

[Bart remembers a fishing trip with Homer, in the form of a flashback]
Bart: Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
Homer: If you love fish like I do, you'll want them to die with dignity!
[Homer puts the bug zapper in the lake, and reaches for one of the many dead fish now floating on the surface.]
Homer: I think I have a nibble...
[Homer gets electrocuted from the fish as he picks it up, but doesn't seem smart enough to notice or care. He starts eating it, getting repeatedly electrocuted in front of a disturbed Bart.]

No, Plopper! If you push that, Daddy will die! [Plopper pauses, then pushes the board off the windowsill, causing the Simpsons to fall to the ground. Homer lands on a red charcoal grill, and spots a shrimp among the coals.] Hey, my luck's beginning to turn!

Ticker: Watch Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity? Wednesdays on FOX. That's right, we even advertise shows during movies now.

Chief Wiggum: [After seeing the Simpson family (along with their house) disappear down the sinkhole] Well... they're China's problem now.

[Bart refuses to help Homer get rid of the bomb and save Springfield.]
Homer: I'll let you hold the bomb...
Bart: [changes his demeanor] The man knows me!
[He joins Homer on his motorcycle, and they drive away to dispose of the bomb]
Todd: I wish Homer was my father.
Ned: [jovially] And I wish you didn't have the Devil's curly hair!
[Todd whimpers]

Nelson Muntz: [as some students from Springfield Elementary prepare to use bows to fire arrows at the Simpsons] I'm using a red arrow, so I know who I kill!