The Simpsons Movie quotes

View Quote [Homer and Plopper watch Bumblebee Man kiss a mule on TV]
Bumblebee Man:¡Ay, ay, ay! ¡Un burro amoroso! [Translation: "Oh, no! A mule in love!"]
Homer: [nudging Plopper] Don't get any ideas, huh?
[They laugh, and Homer falls off the couch, ending up at eye level with Plopper.]
Homer: [awkward silence] Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension...
Marge: What's going on here?
Homer: Nothing!

View Quote Marge: You can take Spider-Pig with you.
Homer: He's not Spider-Pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper.
[Plopper is shown with Harry Potter-like glasses, brown hair and a lightning bolt scar]

View Quote Ned: Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
Bart: Oh yeah.
Ned: And if you look real close, you can almost -- YAAGH!!
[Ned has seen the multi-eyed squirrel (which grows an extra eye)]
Ned: Well, this certainly seems odd, but ... who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh, we thank you Lord for this mighty fine, intelligent design. [switches to the squirrels multi-eyes point-of-veiw] Good job.
Bart: [continously jabs the squirrels' eyes (every eye he jabs goes black from the squirrels' POV)] Jabbity-jabbity-jab-jab-jab!
Male EPA Agent: Hey, jab one more eye and its a federal crime!

View Quote Russ Cargill: Mr. President?
President Schwarzenegger: Ja, dat is me.
Russ Cargill: Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
President Schwarzenegger: Oh, I hate this job! Everything's "crisis" this and "end of the world" that! Nobody opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito.
Russ Cargill: You want a joke, huh? Stop me if you've heard... THIS one!
[He holds up a cage containing the squirrel mutated by the polluted lake]
President Schwarzenegger: Aaah! Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound!
Russ Cargill: You know, sir, when you made me head to the EPA, you were applauded for appointing one of the most successful men of the America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Cause I'm a rich man, and wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here's our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth!
President Schwarzenegger: I'm listening.
Russ Cargill: [gets out five files] Well, I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options. Each will cause untold misery and--
President Schwarzenegger: I pick number three!
Russ Cargill: You don't wanna read them first?
President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to lead, not to read. Number three!

View Quote [Watching the police on TV recovering the Pig Crap silo from where he dumped it in Lake Springfield]
Homer: That could be anybody's Pig Crap silo.
[On the TV, the crane rotates the silo to reveal 'Return To Homer Simpson (No Reward)']
Marge: Homer! It was you! You single-handedly killed this town!
Homer: I know! It's weird!
Kent Brockman: Just a reminder: this station does not endorse vigilante justice. Unless it gets results. Which it will!
[Homer's photo appears on the screen, with the words "GET HIM!" flashing.]
Marge: You didn't listen to me after I warned you!
Homer: Don't worry. Nobody watches this stupid show. [looks out the window] What's that ominous glow in the distance?
[Homer looks out of the window to see an angry mob consisting of just about everyone in Springfield. They are going in the opposite direction of the Simpson house.]
Homer: Marge, look! Those idiots don't even know where we live!
[The mob hears him and starts marching towards the Simpson house.]
Homer: D'oh!

View Quote [Springfield has gone into anarchy, attacking the dome with anything they find.]
Cargill: [to President Schwarzenegger] Look what they're doing to our dome!
[A television shows people trying to break through the dome. An elephant also charges it, and is knocked out cold as soon as he collides with the dome. The camera zooms in to this point, and shows a small crack forming.]
Cargill: Do you know what that is, sir?
President Schwarzenegger: [a little woried] A crack?
Cargill: That's right, sir! First, let me state the problem: people have gotten out of the dome before, and they're gonna do it again - and when they do, there's gonna be hearings - investigations--
President Schwarzenegger: GOTT IN HIMMEL! I'll have to go back to making family comedies! [looks at a movie poster titled "Diaper Genie" and groans]
Cargill: Don't worry sir, I have a solution for you. In fact, I have five solutions. [lays out 5 files again] You don't even have to read them! You'll have deniability. I'll take care of everything, you know nothing!
[Pause]
President Schwarzenegger: No! I need to know what I'm approving! [reaches for Number 3]
Cargill: True, sir. But then again, knowing things is overrated. Anyone can pick something when they know what it is. It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about!
[Another pause]
President Schwarzenegger: Okay, I pick three.
Cargill: Try again.
President Schwarzenegger: One?
Cargill: Go higher.
President Schwarzenegger: Five?
Cargill: Too high.
President Schwarzenegger: Three?
Cargill: You already said three.
President Schwarzenegger: Six?
Cargill: There is no six.
President Schwarzenegger: Two?
Cargill: Double it.
President Schwarzenegger: Four!
Cargill: As you wish, sir.

View Quote [The Simpsons are watching TV when a commercial comes on. It features a father, a teenage girl, and a little boy.]
TV Announcer [offscreen]: Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
Father [bored]: Well, here we are, kids. The Grand Canyon.
Girl [annoyed]: It's so old and boring! I want a new one. NOW!!
Tom Hanks: Hello. I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility, so it's borrowing some of mine.
Boy: Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks!
Tom Hanks: Sure thing, son. [ruffles the boys hair with a touch of magic and chuckles] Now I am pleased to tell you about the new Grand Canyon. Coming this weekend, it's east of Shelbyville and south of Capital City!
Marge: That's where Springfield is!!
Tom Hanks: It's nowhere near anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks saying if you're going to pick a government to trust, why not this one?

View Quote [Homer decides that he doesn't want to save Springfield from being destroyed.]
Homer: I'm happy here. Screw Springfield!
Marge: [gasps] I can't believe you'd say something so selfish!
Homer: Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At four in the afternoon!
Marge: It was seven at night.
Homer: It was during Access Hollywood!
Marge: Which is on at four and seven.
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: Dad, how could you turn your back on everyone who loved us?!
Bart: Flanders helped us when we were in trouble!
Homer: Who cares what Flanders thinks? He's not your father!
Bart: I wish he was!
Homer: [scoffs] You don't mean that. You practically worship me.
Bart: Oh yeah? Look what I did to your picture! [Picture shows Homer with marker written on it to make him look like Flanders]
Homer: AAAH!
Bart: Look at it, Homer! [holds it up to Homer's face] How-dilly-doodily! How-dilly-doodlily! How--
Homer: WHY, YOU LITTLE--!! [strangles him] I'll strangle-angle you!
Bart: [strangled] Diddily! Diddily!

View Quote [as they are being listened to by the National Security Agency]
Woman: You hang up first.
Man: Nooooo, you hang up first.
Woman: Okay! [hangs up]
Man: What th-She hung up on me!

View Quote Medicine Woman: Homer Simpson, do you know why you are here?
Homer: Because my family cares more about other people than they do about me.
Medicine Woman: Drink this liquid. [pours some medicine into Homer's mouth]
Homer: [his mouth briefly goes on fire] AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! More, please. [the medicine woman pours more medicine into his mouth]

View Quote Moe: [Wearing a blue robe with a traffic cone on his head and ammunition belts strapped over his chest] Well, I don't mean to brag, but I am now the Emperor of Springfield.
Barney: [offscreen] No you're not! [tosses a Molotov ****tail at Moe]
Moe: Yes I am! [throws it back to Barney, where it explodes offscreen]
Barney: [offscreen, submissive] Okay. Hail Emperor.

View Quote [As the state-of-the-art bomb is lowered into the dome]
Marge: In spite of everything, I miss your father.
Bart: Me too. His big fat ass could shield us all.

View Quote Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot!
Cletus Spuckler: Hey, I know how you feel. I was beat at Tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
[Pause]
Russ Cargill: [cynically] Goodbye.
[Cargill's screen switches off.]

View Quote Homer: [lying dazed on the ground] Homer do good?
Bart: Actually, you doomed us all... again. Nice knowing you, Homer! [storms off]
Homer: Ohhhh, I can't do anything right! [kicks the bomb, causing it to go from 8:31 to 4:11 minutes remaining]
Krusty: GET OUTTA HERE!
[The crowd boos Homer and throws rocks and stuff at him]

View Quote Ned: Now remember, when you meet Jesus, be sure to call him Mr. Christ.
Todd Flanders: Will Buddha be there too?
Ned: No!