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Everybody's dick look big on 60-inch TV. My sister's dick look big on TV.
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This is hogshit. You're a ****ing asshole to tell me to come here and tell me he was a nice guy didn't you? Well **** you people, **** you, you, you, and you, **** and kiss my big brown ****ing ass okay!
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[after Andy gets promoted to Floor Manager] This is the bullshit of all bullshits! You s****bag! Ass kisser!
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Do you know how I know you're gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently.
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So, tell me Montel. Why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, al Qaeda?
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Hey, Will and Grace! Back to work!
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[While Jay is arguing with a Black customer] Today's forecast? Dark and cloudy, with chance of drive-by.
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Hey, Andy! We're gonna have to get you some poonanny!
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It's a free country, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to.
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I will pray for your ****.
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Paula: [About David's video camera antics] He's performing a public colonscopy. Isn't that sweet?
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Paula: I'm very discreet...but I'll haunt your dreams..
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Mark: [Finding Andy on Trish's bed with a dozen condoms open] Dude, teach me!
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Nicky: [Driving drunk, nearly hits another car] That ****er came out of nowhere!
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Nicky: I'm starving, let's get some ****in' french toast!