N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

The Wizard of Oz

The Wizard of Oz quotes

83 total quotes

Dorothy Gale
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North
Multiple Characters
The Munchkins
The Scarecrow
The Cowardly Lion
The Tin Man
The Wicked Witch of the West

Professor Marvel: Oh, house guests! And who might you be? Oh, now don't tell me. You're traveling in disguise, no, that's not right,'re going on a visit? No, I'm wrong, that's, uh, you're, uh, you're running away.
Dorothy: How did you guess?
Professor: Professor Marvel never guesses, he knows. Now why are you running away? No, no, no, don't tell me. Uh, they don't understand you at home, they don't appreciate you. You want to see other lands, big cities, big mountains, big oceans!
Dorothy: Why, it's just like you could read what was inside of me.

Scarecrow: [about the Flying Monkeys] They tore my legs off and they threw them over there. Then they took my chest out and they threw it over there.
Tin Man: Well, that's you all over.
Cowardly Lion: They sure knocked the stuffin' out of you, didn't they?
Scarecrow: Don't stand there talking. Put me together. We've got to find Dorothy.

Scarecrow: Do you think if I went with you this Wizard would give me some brains?
Dorothy: I couldn't say. But even if he didn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now.
Scarecrow: Yes, that's true.
Dorothy: But maybe you'd better not. I've got a witch mad at me and you might get into trouble.
Scarecrow: Witch? I'm not afraid of a witch. I'm not afraid of anything. Oh... except a lighted match. [indicates his straw stuffing]
Dorothy: I don't blame you for that.
Scarecrow: But I'd face a whole box full of them for the chance of getting some brains! Look, I won't be any trouble, because I don't eat a thing. And I won't try to manage things, because I can't think. Won't you take me with you?
Dorothy: Why, of course I will.
Scarecrow: Hooray! We're off to see a Wizard!

The Wizard: Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?
Dorothy: Please sir, we've done what you told us. We brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.
The Wizard: Oh, you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful.
Dorothy: Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promises, if you please, sir.
The Wizard: Not so fast, NOT SO FAST! I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow.
Dorothy: Tomorrow? Oh, but I want to go home now!
Tin Man: You've had plenty of time to think already!
Cowardly Lion: Yeah!
Dorothy: If you were really Great and Powerful, you'd keep your promises!
The Wizard: [As Toto reveals him behind a curtain] You presume to criticize the Great Oz?! You ungrateful creatures! You're lucky that I'm only holding this till tomorrow, instead of the next TWENTY YEARS from now! [They notice him] Er... the Great Oz has spoken. [Redraws the curtain hastily] PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! THE GREAT, er... OZ... HAS SPOKEN!!
Dorothy: [Pulling aside the curtain] Who are you?
The Wizard: Oh, er, [Into a microphone, which increases his voice dramatically] I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL [In normal voice] ... Wizard... of Oz.
Dorothy: You are?! I don't believe you.
The Wizard: I'm afraid it's true. There's no other Wizard except me.
Scarecrow: You humbug!
Tin Man: Yeah!
The Wizard: Yes. That's exactly so. I'm a humbug.
Dorothy: Oh, you're a very bad man!
The Wizard: Oh, no, my dear, I... I'm a very good man - I'm just a very bad Wizard.
Scarecrow: What about the heart that you promised Tin Man?! And the courage that you promised Cowardly Lion?!
Tin Man and Cowardly Lion: And Scarecrow's brain!
The Wizard: Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity! Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain! Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts — and with no more brains than you have. But! They have one thing you haven't got! A diploma! Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universita Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
Scarecrow: "Th.D."?
The Wizard: That's, er, "Doctor of Thinkology".
Scarecrow: [Rapid] The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. [Normal, amazed] Oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?
The Wizard: Well, you can't! [To the Cowardly Lion] As for you, my fine friend — you're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom! Back where I come from though we have men who are called heroes. Once a year, they take their fortitude out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have. But — They have one thing that you haven't got! A medal! Therefore, for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against Wicked Witches, I award you the Triple Cross. You are now a member of the Legion of Courage!
Cowardly Lion: Oh... Shucks, folks, I'm speechless!
The Wizard: [To the Tin Man] As for you, my galvanized friend - you want a heart! You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
The Tin Man: But I-- I still want one.
The Wizard: Back where I come from, there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila-, er, er, philanth-er, good-deed doers! And their hearts are no bigger than yours. But! - They have one thing you haven't got. A testimonial! Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection. And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.
Tin Man: [Listens to his new heart-shaped testimonial] Oh! Oh, it ticks! Listen! Look, it ticks!
Cowardly Lion: Read what my medal says: "Courage"! Ain't it the truth!
Dorothy: Oh, they're all wonderful.
Scarecrow: Hey! What about Dorothy?
Tin Man: Yes, how about Dorothy?
Cowardly Lion: Yeah, Dorothy next!
The Wizard: [Thinking] Yes, Dorothy, er...
Dorothy: I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
The Wizard: Well, you've forced me into a cataclysmic decision. The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!
Dorothy: Oh, will you? Could you? Oh — but are you a clever enough Wizard to manage it?
The Wizard: Child, you cut me to the quick. I'm an old Kansas man myself; born and bred in the heart of the Western wilderness. Premiere Balloonist par excellence for the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company. Until one day, while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill never before attempted by civilized man, an unfortunate phenomena occurred. The balloon failed to return to the fair!
Cowardly Lion: It did?
Dorothy: Weren't you frightened?
Wizard: Frightened? You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe - I was petrified. Then suddenly, the wind changed and the balloon floated down into the heart of this noble city, where I was instantly acclaimed Oz, the first Wizard Deluxe! Times being what they were, I accepted the job, retaining my balloon against the advent of a quick getaway. And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return to the land of E Pluribus Unum!

The Wizard: Come forward!
Cowardly Lion: Tell me when it's over... I wanna go home!
The Wizard: I am Oz, the Great and Powerful! Who are you? WHO - ARE - YOU?!
Dorothy: If you please — I am Dorothy... the small and meek. We've come to ask...
The Wizard: SILENCE!
Dorothy: [cries out and runs back to the others] Oh! Jiminy Crickets!
The Wizard: The Great and Powerful Oz knows why you have come. Step forward, Tin Man! [He obeys.] You dare to come to me for a heart, do you, you clinking, clanking, clattering collection of colligenous junk?!
Tin Man: Uh, yes-yes sir. Y-y-yes, Your Honor. Y'see, uh, a while back, we were walking down the Yellow Brick Road, and -
The Wizard: QUIET!
Tin Man: Whoa! [retreats]
The Wizard: And you, Scarecrow, have the effrontery to ask for a brain, you billowing bale of bovine fodder?!
Scarecrow: [He bows and approaches on his knees] Yes, Your Honor-- I mean Your Excellency-- I mean Your Wizardry!
The Wizard: Enough! [Scarecrow retreats] And you, Lion... [Lion steps forward but is too frightened to speak] WELL?! [Lion faints, and the others rush to his side. Scarecrow fans him with his hand in an attempt to revive him.]
Dorothy: You should be ashamed of yourself! Frightening him like that, when he came to you for help!
The Wizard: Silence, whippersnapper! The Beneficent Oz has every intention of granting your requests. [Lion instantly regains consciousness and sits up.]
Cowardly Lion: What's that? Huh? What did he say?
The Wizard: But first you must prove yourselves worthy by performing a very small task. Bring me the broomstick of the Witch of the West.
Tin Man: But, but, but, if we do that, we'll have to kill her to get it.
The Wizard: Bring me her broomstick and I'll grant your requests. Now go.
Cowardly Lion: W-w-what if she kills us first?
The Wizard: I SAID GO!!!

Wicked Witch: And you, my dear, what an unexpected pleasure. It's so kind of you to visit me in my loneliness.
Dorothy: What are you gonna do with my dog? Give him back to me.
Wicked Witch: All in good time, my little pretty. All in good time.
Dorothy: Oh, please give me back my dog.
Wicked Witch: Certainly, certainly, when you give me those slippers.
Dorothy: But the Good Witch of the North told me not to.
Wicked Witch: Very well. [To her winged-monkey captain] Throw that basket in the river and drown him.
Dorothy: No, no! Here, you can have your old slippers, but give me back Toto!
Wicked Witch: That's a good little girl. I knew you'd see reason.
[The Wicked Witch is zapped when she tries to take the slippers]
Dorothy: Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't do it! Can I still have my dog?
Wicked Witch: No! Fool that I am. I should have remembered. Those slippers will never come off, as long as you're alive. But that's not what's worrying me. It's how to do it. These things must be done delicately, or you hurt the spell.
[Toto leaps out from the basket and runs out the door]
Dorothy: Run Toto, Run!
Wicked Witch: Catch him, you Fool!
[Toto escapes]
Dorothy: He got away! He got away!
Wicked Witch: Ooh, which is more than you will. Drat you and your dog! You've been more trouble to me than you're worth, one way or another, but it'll soon be over now. Do you see that? [She holds up a large hourglass timer] That's how much longer you've got to be alive. And it isn't long, my pretty. It isn't long. I can't wait forever to get those shoes.

Wicked Witch: Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East?! Was it you?!
Dorothy: No, no it was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody!
Wicked Witch: Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents too.
Glinda: Aren't you forgetting the ruby slippers?
Wicked Witch: The slippers. Yes! The slippers... [She reaches for them, but they disappear and the feet curl up under the house] They're gone! The ruby slippers. What have you done with them? Give them back to me or I'll...
Glinda: [after the slippers appear on Dorothy's feet] It's too late. There they are and there they'll stay.
Wicked Witch: Give me back my slippers. I'm the only one that knows how to use them. They're no use to you. Give them back to me. Give them back!
Glinda: Keep tight inside of them. Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly.
Wicked Witch: [to Glinda, pointing] You stay out of this Glinda, or I'll fix you as well!
Glinda: [laughs] Oh, rubbish! You have no power here. Now begone, before somebody drops a house on you too!
Wicked Witch: [looks up at the sky, afraid] Very well. I'll bide my time. [to Dorothy] And as for you, my fine young lady, it's true, I can't attend to you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way. Just try! I'll get you, my pretty - and your little dog, too! Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!

[Dorothy tries to pick an apple, but the tree slaps her hand]
Dorothy: Ouch!
Tree: What do you think you're doing?
Dorothy: We've been walking a long way, and I was hungry-- Did you say something?
Tree: She was hungry!
Tree #2: She was hungry!
Tree: Well, how would you like to have someone come along and pick something off of you?
Dorothy: Oh, dear. I keep forgetting I'm not in Kansas.
Scarecrow: Come along, Dorothy. You don't want any of those apples.
Tree: You hintin' my apples aren't what they ought to be?
Scarecrow: Oh, no. It's just that she doesn't like little green worms.

[Reaching the gate into the Emerald City, Dorothy and her friends ring the bell. A Gateman appears through a porthole.]
Gateman: Who rang that bell?!
All four: We did!
Gateman: Can't you read?!
Scarecrow: Read what?
Gateman: The notice!
All four: What notice?
Gateman: It's on the door, as plain as the nose on my face! It's a [Realizes there is no notice] Oh-- Oh... [Hangs a notice on the door, then disappears]
All Four: [Reading the notice] "Bell out of order. Please knock." [Dorothy knocks on the knocker, and the Gateman reemerges]
Gateman: Well, that's more like it! Now, state your business.
All four: We want to see the Wizard.
Gateman: [Nearly falls out of his porthole from shock] The Wizard?! But nobody can see the Great Oz! Nobody's ever seen the Great Oz! Even I've never seen him!
Dorothy: Well, then — how do you know there is one?
Gateman: Because he, uh... You're wasting my time!
Dorothy: Oh please, please sir. I've got to see the Wizard. The Good Witch of the North sent me.
Gateman: Prove it.
Scarecrow: She's wearing the ruby slippers she gave her.
Gateman: Oh, so she is. Well, bust my buttons! Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different color! Come on in!

[While Dorothy is chasing Toto, the Wizard's hot-air balloon floats away.]
The Wizard: This is a highly irregular procedure - absolutely unprecedented. It'll ruin my exit.
Dorothy: Oh, wait! Come back, come back!
The Wizard: I can't come back, I don't know how it works!

(inside the crystal ball) Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Come back! I'll give you Auntie Em, my pretty! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! (to the audience) Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[saying goodbye to Dorothy] I never would have found my courage if it hadn't been for you.

[saying goodbye to Dorothy] Now I know I have a heart... 'cause it's breaking.

[singing] Ding Dong! The Witch is dead.
Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.

[singing] Someday I'll wish upon a star And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, a way upon the chimney tops. That's where you'll find me.