G Guard
The Wizard says, Go away! [Goes back to the Wizard's palace]
DC Dorothy, Cowardly Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man
[shocked together]
Go away?
[sadly]
Looks like we came a long way for nothing.
[sobs and sits down]
And I was so happy. I thought I was on my way home.
[comforting Dorothy]
Don't cry, Dorothy. We're gonna get you to the Wizard.
[agreeing]
We certainly are.
[The guard opens the door's window] [crying]
Auntie Em was so good to me, and I never appreciated it, running away and hurting her feelings. Professor Marvel said she was sick. She may be dying and it's all my fault.
[The guard starts crying]
I'll never forgive myself. Never, never, never. [Scarecrow and Tin Man continue to comfort Dorothy]
G Guard
[sobbing]
Please, don't cry anymore. I'll get you to the Wizard somehow. Come on. I had an Aunt Em myself once. [Sobs and opens the door for Dorothy and her friends]
Miss Gulch That dog's a menace to the community. I'm taking him to the sheriff to make sure he's destroyed.
Destroyed? Toto? Oh, you can't! You mustn't! Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, you won't let her, will ya?
Course we won't. Will we, Em?
Please, Aunt Em. Toto didn't mean to. He didn't know he was doing anything wrong. I'm the one that ought to be punished. I let him go in her garden. You can send me to bed without supper.
Miss Gulch If you don't hand over that dog, I'll bring a damage suit that will take your whole farm! There's a law protectin' folks against dogs that bite!
How would it be if she keeps him tied up? He's really gentle, with gentle people, that is.
Miss Gulch Well, that's for the sheriff to decide. Here's his order, allowing me to take him, unless you want to go against the law.
We can't go against the law, Dorothy. I'm afraid poor Toto will have to go.
Miss Gulch [holding up a basket]
Now you're seeing the reason. Here's what I'm taking him in, so he can't attack me again!
No, no, I won't let you take him! You go away, you, or I'll bite you myself!
You wicked old witch! Uncle Henry, Auntie Em, don't let her take him! [struggles with Miss Gulch]
Miss Gulch I've got an order!
Put him in the basket, Henry.
Oh Toto. [runs out, crying]
Miss Gulch The idea!
Almira Gulch, just because you own half the county doesn't mean you have the power to run the rest of us. For twenty-three years, I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you. And now, well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!
Oh, house guests! And who might you be? Oh, now don't tell me. You're traveling in disguise, no, that's not right, I...you're going on a visit? No, I'm wrong, that's, uh, you're, uh, you're running away.
P Professor
Professor Marvel never guesses, he knows. Now why are you running away? No, no, no, don't tell me. Uh, they don't understand you at home, they don't appreciate you. You want to see other lands, big cities, big mountains, big oceans!
Why, it's just like you could read what was inside of me.
Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?
Please sir, we've done what you told us. We brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.
Oh, you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful.
Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promises, if you please, sir.
Not so fast, NOT SO FAST! I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Oh, but I want to go home now!
You've had plenty of time to think already!
DO NOT AROUSE THE WRATH OF THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ! I SAID COME BACK TOMORROW!
If you were really Great and Powerful, you'd keep your promises!
[As Toto reveals him behind a curtain]
You presume to criticize the Great Oz?! You ungrateful creatures! You're lucky that I'm only holding this till tomorrow, instead of the next TWENTY YEARS from now! [They notice him] Er... the Great Oz has spoken. [Redraws the curtain hastily] PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! THE GREAT, er... OZ... HAS SPOKEN!!
[Pulling aside the curtain]
Who are you?
Oh, er, [Into a microphone, which increases his voice dramatically] I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL [In normal voice] ... Wizard... of Oz.
You are?! I don't believe you.
I'm afraid it's true. There's no other Wizard except me.
Yes. That's exactly so. I'm a humbug.
Oh, you're a very bad man!
Oh, no, my dear, I... I'm a very good man - I'm just a very bad Wizard.
What about the heart that you promised Tin Man?! And the courage that you promised Cowardly Lion?!
TM Tin Man and Cowardly Lion
And Scarecrow's brain!
Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity! Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain! Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts — and with no more brains than you have. But! They have one thing you haven't got! A diploma! Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universita Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
That's, er, "Doctor of Thinkology".
[Rapid]
The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. [Normal, amazed] Oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?
Well, you can't! [To the Cowardly Lion] As for you, my fine friend — you're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom! Back where I come from though we have men who are called heroes. Once a year, they take their fortitude out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have. But — They have one thing that you haven't got! A medal! Therefore, for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against Wicked Witches, I award you the Triple Cross. You are now a member of the Legion of Courage!
Oh... Shucks, folks, I'm speechless!
[To the Tin Man]
As for you, my galvanized friend - you want a heart! You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
But I-- I still want one.
Back where I come from, there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila-, er, er, philanth-er, good-deed doers! And their hearts are no bigger than yours. But! - They have one thing you haven't got. A testimonial! Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection. And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.
[Listens to his new heart-shaped testimonial]
Oh! Oh, it ticks! Listen! Look, it ticks!
Read what my medal says: "Courage"! Ain't it the truth!
Oh, they're all wonderful.
[Thinking]
Yes, Dorothy, er...
I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
Well, you've forced me into a cataclysmic decision. The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!
Oh, will you? Could you? Oh — but are you a clever enough Wizard to manage it?
Child, you cut me to the quick. I'm an old Kansas man myself; born and bred in the heart of the Western wilderness. Premiere Balloonist par excellence for the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company. Until one day, while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill never before attempted by civilized man, an unfortunate phenomena occurred. The balloon failed to return to the fair!
Frightened? You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe - I was petrified. Then suddenly, the wind changed and the balloon floated down into the heart of this noble city, where I was instantly acclaimed Oz, the first Wizard Deluxe! Times being what they were, I accepted the job, retaining my balloon against the advent of a quick getaway. And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return to the land of E Pluribus Unum!
Tell me when it's over... I wanna go home!
I am Oz, the Great and Powerful! Who are you? WHO - ARE - YOU?!
If you please — I am Dorothy... the small and meek. We've come to ask...
[cries out and runs back to the others]
Oh! Jiminy Crickets!
The Great and Powerful Oz knows why you have come. Step forward, Tin Man! [He obeys.] You dare to come to me for a heart, do you, you clinking, clanking, clattering collection of colligenous junk?!
Uh, yes-yes sir. Y-y-yes, Your Honor. Y'see, uh, a while back, we were walking down the Yellow Brick Road, and -
And you, Scarecrow, have the effrontery to ask for a brain, you billowing bale of bovine fodder?!
[He bows and approaches on his knees]
Yes, Your Honor-- I mean Your Excellency-- I mean Your Wizardry!
Enough! [Scarecrow retreats] And you, Lion... [Lion steps forward but is too frightened to speak] WELL?! [Lion faints, and the others rush to his side. Scarecrow fans him with his hand in an attempt to revive him.]
You should be ashamed of yourself! Frightening him like that, when he came to you for help!
Silence, whippersnapper! The Beneficent Oz has every intention of granting your requests. [Lion instantly regains consciousness and sits up.]
What's that? Huh? What did he say?
But first you must prove yourselves worthy by performing a very small task. Bring me the broomstick of the Witch of the West.
But, but, but, if we do that, we'll have to kill her to get it.
Bring me her broomstick and I'll grant your requests. Now go.
W-w-what if she kills us first?
And you, my dear, what an unexpected pleasure. It's so kind of you to visit me in my loneliness.
What are you gonna do with my dog? Give him back to me.
All in good time, my little pretty. All in good time.
Oh, please give me back my dog.
Certainly, certainly, when you give me those slippers.
But the Good Witch of the North told me not to.
Very well. [To her winged-monkey captain] Throw that basket in the river and drown him.
No, no! Here, you can have your old slippers, but give me back Toto!
That's a good little girl. I knew you'd see reason.
[The Wicked Witch is zapped when she tries to take the slippers]
Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't do it! Can I still have my dog?
No! Fool that I am. I should have remembered. Those slippers will never come off, as long as you're alive. But that's not what's worrying me. It's how to do it. These things must be done delicately, or you hurt the spell.
[Toto leaps out from the basket and runs out the door]
Run Toto, Run!
[Toto escapes]
He got away! He got away!
Ooh, which is more than you will. Drat you and your dog! You've been more trouble to me than you're worth, one way or another, but it'll soon be over now. Do you see that? [She holds up a large hourglass timer] That's how much longer you've got to be alive. And it isn't long, my pretty. It isn't long. I can't wait forever to get those shoes.
Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East?! Was it you?!
No, no it was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody!
Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents too.
Aren't you forgetting the ruby slippers?
The slippers. Yes! The slippers... [She reaches for them, but they disappear and the feet curl up under the house] They're gone! The ruby slippers. What have you done with them? Give them back to me or I'll...
[after the slippers appear on Dorothy's feet]
It's too late. There they are and there they'll stay.
Give me back my slippers. I'm the only one that knows how to use them. They're no use to you. Give them back to me. Give them back!
Keep tight inside of them. Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly.
[to Glinda, pointing]
You stay out of this Glinda, or I'll fix you as well!
[laughs]
Oh, rubbish! You have no power here. Now begone, before somebody drops a house on you too!
[looks up at the sky, afraid]
Very well. I'll bide my time. [to Dorothy] And as for you, my fine young lady, it's true, I can't attend to you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way. Just try! I'll get you, my pretty - and your little dog, too! Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!
G Gateman
[Reaching the gate into the Emerald City, Dorothy and her friends ring the bell. A Gateman appears through a porthole.]
Who rang that bell?!
G Gateman
Can't you read?!
G Gateman
It's on the door, as plain as the nose on my face! It's a [Realizes there is no notice] Oh-- Oh... [Hangs a notice on the door, then disappears]
AF All Four
[Reading the notice]
"Bell out of order. Please knock." [Dorothy knocks on the knocker, and the Gateman reemerges]
G Gateman
Well, that's more like it! Now, state your business.
AF All four
We want to see the Wizard.
G Gateman
[Nearly falls out of his porthole from shock]
The Wizard?! But nobody can see the Great Oz! Nobody's ever seen the Great Oz! Even I've never seen him!
Well, then — how do you know there is one?
G Gateman
Because he, uh... You're wasting my time!
Oh please, please sir. I've got to see the Wizard. The Good Witch of the North sent me.
She's wearing the ruby slippers she gave her.
G Gateman
Oh, so she is. Well, bust my buttons! Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different color! Come on in!
