The Scarecrow You see, I can't even scare a crow. They come from miles around just to eat in my field and laugh in my face. Oh, I'm a failure because I haven't got a brain.
Played by Ray Bolger 
The Wizard of Oz (1939) · 89 quotes
The Wizard of Oz (1939) · 89 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in The Wizard of Oz (1939): in 22 of its 89 quotes
Most scenes with: Dorothy Gale (16), The Tin Man (13), The Cowardly Lion (9)
The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isoceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain!
More lines from The Scarecrow
3 quotes The Scarecrow The Scarecrow Why, if I had a brain, I could — [begins singing]
I could while away the hours,
Conferrin' with the flowers,
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
The Scarecrow People without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?
Scenes with The Scarecrow
18 scenes
Now which way do we go?
Scarecrow Pardon me. That way is a very nice way...[pointing]
Who said that?
Scarecrow It's pleasant down that way too!...[pointing in another direction]
That's funny. Wasn't he pointing the other way?
Scarecrow Of course, people do go both ways [pointing in both directions] That's the trouble. I can't make up my mind. I haven't got a brain. Only straw.
How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
The Scarecrow I don't know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?
Yes, I guess you're right.
Scarecrow Do you think if I went with you this Wizard would give me some brains?
I couldn't say. But even if he didn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now.
Scarecrow Yes, that's true.
But maybe you'd better not. I've got a witch mad at me and you might get into trouble.
Scarecrow Witch? I'm not afraid of a witch. I'm not afraid of anything. Oh... except a lighted match. [indicates his straw stuffing]
I don't blame you for that.
Scarecrow But I'd face a whole box full of them for the chance of getting some brains! Look, I won't be any trouble, because I don't eat a thing. And I won't try to manage things, because I can't think. Won't you take me with you?
Why, of course I will.
Scarecrow Hooray! We're off to see a Wizard!
Tree
What do you think you're doing?
We've been walking a long way, and I was hungry-- Did you say something?
Tree
She was hungry!
Tree #2
She was hungry!
Tree
Well, how would you like to have someone come along and pick something off of you?
Oh, dear. I keep forgetting I'm not in Kansas.
Scarecrow Come along, Dorothy. You don't want any of those apples.
Tree
You hintin' my apples aren't what they ought to be?
Scarecrow Oh, no. It's just that she doesn't like little green worms.
Why, it's a man. A man made out of tin!
[squeaking]
Did you say something?
[squeaking]
He said "oil can."
Scarecrow Oil can what?
...
No, it feels wonderful. I've held that axe up for ages.
How did you ever get like this?
Well, about a year ago, I was chopping that tree, when suddenly it began to rain. And right in the middle of a chop, I rusted solid. Been that way ever since.
Well, you're perfect now.
Perfect? Bang on my chest if you think I'm perfect. Go ahead, bang on it.
Scarecrow [Dorothy bangs on his chest, and it resonates loudly]
Beautiful! What an echo!
It's empty. The tinsmith forgot to give me a heart.
Dorothy & Scarecrow [in unison]
No heart?
No heart. All hollow.
You know, we were just wondering why you couldn't come with us to the Emerald City to ask the wizard for a heart.
But suppose the wizard wouldn't give me one once we got there?
Oh, but he will. He must. We've come such a long way already.
[the Wicked Witch appears on the rooftop of the Woodsman's cabin and cackles loudly]
You call that long?! Why, you've just begun! Helping the little lady along are you, my fine gentlemen? Well, stay away from her, [pointing to the Scarecrow] or I'll stuff a mattress with you! [toward the Tin Man] And you - I'll use you for a beehive. Here Scarecrow, want to play ball? [she hurls a ball of fire at the Scarecrow, who draws back in terror from the flames burning on the ground near him]
Scarecrow [The Tin Man quickly beats out the flames, as the witch disappears]
I'm not afraid of her. I'll see you get safely to the Wizard now whether I get a brain or not. Stuff a mattress with me, eh? [tries to snap his fingers defiantly, but his gloved fingers produce no sound]
I'll see you reach the Wizard, whether I get a heart or not. Beehive! Bah! Let her try and make a beehive out of me! [snaps his fingers, making a harsh "clank" sound]
Oh, you're the best friends anybody ever had! And it's funny, but I feel as if I've known you all the time. But I couldn't have, could I?
...
Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man
[singing in unison]
We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
I don't like this forest. It's dark and creepy!
Scarecrow Of course I don't know, but I think it'll get darker before it gets lighter.
Do you suppose we'll meet any wild animals?
We might.
Scarecrow [nervous]
Animals... that eat... straw?
Well, some, but mostly lions and tigers and bears.
Lions?
Scarecrow And tigers?
And bears.
Lions and tigers and bears, oh my.
Put 'em up, put 'em uuuuuup! Which one of you first? I'll fight ya both together if you want. I'll fight ya with one paw tied behind my back! I'll fight ya standin' on one foot! I'll fight ya with my eyes closed! [To the Tin Man] Ooooh, pulling an axe on me, hey? [To the Scarecrow] Sneakin' up on me, hey? Why, gnong-gnong!
Here, here. Go away and let us alone!
Oh, scared, huh? Afraid, huh? How long can you stay fresh in that can? Ha-ha-ha-ha. Come on, get up and fight, ya shivering junkyard. [To the Scarecrow] Put your hands up, ya lopsided bag of hay.
Scarecrow Now that's getting personal, Lion!
Yes, get up and teach him a lesson.
Scarecrow What's wrong with you teachin' him?
W-w-w-ell, I hardly know 'im.
No, but you tried to. It's bad enough picking on a straw man, but when you go around picking on poor little dogs...
Well, you didn't have to go and hit me, did ya? Is my nose bleeding?
Well, of course not. My goodness, what a fuss you're making. Well, naturally when you go around picking on things weaker than you are. Why, you're nothing but a great big coward!
You're right. I am a coward. I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself! Look at the circles under my eyes. I haven't slept in weeks.
Why don't you try counting sheep?
That doesn't do any good, I'm afraid of 'em.
Scarecrow That's too bad. [to Dorothy] Don't you think the wizard could help him too?
I don't see why not. [to the Lion] Why don't you come with us? We're on our way to see the wizard now...[pointing to the Tin Man] to get him a heart...
I'm sure he could give you some courage.
Wouldn't you feel degraded to be seen in the company of a cowardly lion? I would.
Of course not.
Gee, that's awfully nice of you. My life has been simply unbearable.
Well, it's all right now. The wizard will fix everything.
Gateman
[Reaching the gate into the Emerald City, Dorothy and her friends ring the bell. A Gateman appears through a porthole.]
Who rang that bell?!
All four
We did!
Gateman
Can't you read?!
Scarecrow Read what?
Gateman
The notice!
All four
What notice?
Gateman
It's on the door, as plain as the nose on my face! It's a [Realizes there is no notice] Oh-- Oh... [Hangs a notice on the door, then disappears]
All Four
[Reading the notice]
"Bell out of order. Please knock." [Dorothy knocks on the knocker, and the Gateman reemerges]
Gateman
Well, that's more like it! Now, state your business.
All four
We want to see the Wizard.
Gateman
[Nearly falls out of his porthole from shock]
The Wizard?! But nobody can see the Great Oz! Nobody's ever seen the Great Oz! Even I've never seen him!
Well, then — how do you know there is one?
Gateman
Because he, uh... You're wasting my time!
Oh please, please sir. I've got to see the Wizard. The Good Witch of the North sent me.
Gateman
Prove it.
Scarecrow She's wearing the ruby slippers she gave her.
Gateman
Oh, so she is. Well, bust my buttons! Why didn't you say that in the first place? That's a horse of a different color! Come on in!
If you please, sir. We want to see the Wizard right away. All four of us.
Guard
Orders are: nobody may see the Great Oz! Not nobody, not nohow!
Oh, but please. It's very important!
And I got a permanent just for the occasion!
Guard
NOT NOBODY, NOT NOHOW!!!
Scarecrow But she's Dorothy!
Guard
[About the Wicked Witch's recent message, "Surrender Dorothy"]
The Witch's Dorothy? Well, um, that makes a difference. Just wait here; I'll announce you at once. [Enters the Wizard's palace]
Scarecrow Did you hear that? He'll announce us at once! I've as good as got my brain!
I can faintly hear my heart beating!
I'll be home in time for supper!
In another hour, I'll be King of the Forest. Long live the King!
If you were king, you wouldn't be afraid of anything?
Not nobody! Not no how!
Not even a rhinoceros?
Imp-oceros!
How about a hippopotamus?
Why, I'd thrash him from top to bottom-us!
Supposing you met an elephant?
I'd knot him up in cellophant!
Scarecrow What if it were a Brontosaurus?
I'd show him who's King of the Forest!
Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man
[in unison]
How?
How? Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on a mast to wave? Courage! What makes an elephant charge his tusk, in the misty mist or the dusky dusk? What makes a muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the Seventh Wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like THUNDER? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?
Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man
[in unison]
Courage.
You can say that again! [short pause; realizing] Hmm?
Wait a minute, fellas. I was just thinkin'. I really don't want to see the Wizard this much. I'd better wait for ya outside.
Scarecrow What's the matter?
Oh, he's just scared again.
Don't you know the Wizard is gonna give you some courage?
Well, then we'll ask him for you.
I'd sooner wait outside.
Why?
Because I'm still scared. [He yelps]
Scarecrow What happened?
Somebody pulled my tail!
Scarecrow Oh, you did it yourself.
Come forward!
Tell me when it's over... I wanna go home!
I am Oz, the Great and Powerful! Who are you? WHO - ARE - YOU?!
If you please — I am Dorothy... the small and meek. We've come to ask...
SILENCE!
The Great and Powerful Oz knows why you have come. Step forward, Tin Man! [He obeys.] You dare to come to me for a heart, do you, you clinking, clanking, clattering collection of colligenous junk?!
Uh, yes-yes sir. Y-y-yes, Your Honor. Y'see, uh, a while back, we were walking down the Yellow Brick Road, and -
QUIET!
Whoa! [retreats]
And you, Scarecrow, have the effrontery to ask for a brain, you billowing bale of bovine fodder?!
Scarecrow [He bows and approaches on his knees]
Yes, Your Honor-- I mean Your Excellency-- I mean Your Wizardry!
Enough! [Scarecrow retreats] And you, Lion... [Lion steps forward but is too frightened to speak] WELL?! [Lion faints, and the others rush to his side. Scarecrow fans him with his hand in an attempt to revive him.]
You should be ashamed of yourself! Frightening him like that, when he came to you for help!
Silence, whippersnapper! The Beneficent Oz has every intention of granting your requests. [Lion instantly regains consciousness and sits up.]
What's that? Huh? What did he say?
But first you must prove yourselves worthy by performing a very small task. Bring me the broomstick of the Witch of the West.
But, but, but, if we do that, we'll have to kill her to get it.
Bring me her broomstick and I'll grant your requests. Now go.
W-w-what if she kills us first?
I SAID GO!!!
Scarecrow [about the Flying Monkeys]
They tore my legs off and they threw them over there. Then they took my chest out and they threw it over there.
Well, that's you all over.
They sure knocked the stuffin' out of you, didn't they?
Scarecrow Don't stand there talking. Put me together. We've got to find Dorothy.
Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?
Please sir, we've done what you told us. We brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.
Oh, you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful.
Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promises, if you please, sir.
Not so fast, NOT SO FAST! I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Oh, but I want to go home now!
You've had plenty of time to think already!
Yeah!
DO NOT AROUSE THE WRATH OF THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ! I SAID COME BACK TOMORROW!
If you were really Great and Powerful, you'd keep your promises!
[As Toto reveals him behind a curtain]
You presume to criticize the Great Oz?! You ungrateful creatures! You're lucky that I'm only holding this till tomorrow, instead of the next TWENTY YEARS from now! [They notice him] Er... the Great Oz has spoken. [Redraws the curtain hastily] PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! THE GREAT, er... OZ... HAS SPOKEN!!
Oh, er, [Into a microphone, which increases his voice dramatically] I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL [In normal voice] ... Wizard... of Oz.
You are?! I don't believe you.
I'm afraid it's true. There's no other Wizard except me.
Scarecrow You humbug!
Yeah!
Yes. That's exactly so. I'm a humbug.
Oh, you're a very bad man!
Oh, no, my dear, I... I'm a very good man - I'm just a very bad Wizard.
Scarecrow What about the heart that you promised Tin Man?! And the courage that you promised Cowardly Lion?!
Tin Man and Cowardly Lion
And Scarecrow's brain!
Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity! Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain! Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts — and with no more brains than you have. But! They have one thing you haven't got! A diploma! Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universita Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
Scarecrow "Th.D."?
That's, er, "Doctor of Thinkology".
Scarecrow [Rapid]
The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. [Normal, amazed] Oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?
Well, you can't! [To the Cowardly Lion] As for you, my fine friend — you're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom! Back where I come from though we have men who are called heroes. Once a year, they take their fortitude out of mothballs and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have. But — They have one thing that you haven't got! A medal! Therefore, for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against Wicked Witches, I award you the Triple Cross. You are now a member of the Legion of Courage!
Oh... Shucks, folks, I'm speechless!
[To the Tin Man]
As for you, my galvanized friend - you want a heart! You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
But I-- I still want one.
Back where I come from, there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila-, er, er, philanth-er, good-deed doers! And their hearts are no bigger than yours. But! - They have one thing you haven't got. A testimonial! Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection. And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.
Read what my medal says: "Courage"! Ain't it the truth!
Oh, they're all wonderful.
Scarecrow Hey! What about Dorothy?
Yes, how about Dorothy?
Yeah, Dorothy next!
I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
Well, you've forced me into a cataclysmic decision. The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!
Oh, will you? Could you? Oh — but are you a clever enough Wizard to manage it?
Child, you cut me to the quick. I'm an old Kansas man myself; born and bred in the heart of the Western wilderness. Premiere Balloonist par excellence for the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company. Until one day, while performing spectacular feats of stratospheric skill never before attempted by civilized man, an unfortunate phenomena occurred. The balloon failed to return to the fair!
It did?
Weren't you frightened?
Frightened? You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe - I was petrified. Then suddenly, the wind changed and the balloon floated down into the heart of this noble city, where I was instantly acclaimed Oz, the first Wizard Deluxe! Times being what they were, I accepted the job, retaining my balloon against the advent of a quick getaway. And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return to the land of E Pluribus Unum!
Oh, now I'll never get home.
Stay with us, then, Dorothy. We all love ya. We don't want ya to go.
That's very kind of you. But this could never be like Kansas. Auntie Em must have stopped wondering what happened to me by now. Oh, Scarecrow, what am I gonna do?
Scarecrow [Notices Glinda's bubble]
Look! There's someone who can help you.
Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
You don't need to be helped any longer. You've always had the power to go back to Kansas.
I have?
Scarecrow Then why didn't you tell her before?
She wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.
Scarecrow What have you learned, Dorothy?
Well, I—I think that it, that it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em — and it's that — if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?
That's all it is!
Scarecrow But that's so easy! I should've thought of it for you -
I should have felt it in my heart -
No, she had to find it out for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds!
Oh! Toto too?
Toto too.
Now?
Whenever you wish.
...
Then close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, 'There's no place like home'.
Guard
The Wizard says, Go away! [Goes back to the Wizard's palace]
Dorothy, Cowardly Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man
[shocked together]
Go away?
Scarecrow [sadly]
Looks like we came a long way for nothing.
Scarecrow [agreeing]
We certainly are.
[The guard opens the door's window] [crying]
Auntie Em was so good to me, and I never appreciated it, running away and hurting her feelings. Professor Marvel said she was sick. She may be dying and it's all my fault.
[The guard starts crying]
I'll never forgive myself. Never, never, never. [Scarecrow and Tin Man continue to comfort Dorothy]
Guard
[sobbing]
Please, don't cry anymore. I'll get you to the Wizard somehow. Come on. I had an Aunt Em myself once. [Sobs and opens the door for Dorothy and her friends]
What's that? What's that?
Scarecrow That's the castle of the Wicked Witch! Dorothy's in that awful place!
Oh, I hate to think of her in there! We've got to get her out!
Scarecrow Don't cry now! We haven't got the oil-can with us and you've been squeaking enough as it is!
Who's them? Who's them?
Winkies
[The Winkie Guards enter, marching in formation to the tune of an ominous chant]
Oh-we-um; io-on!
Scarecrow I've got a plan to get in there…
He's got a plan!
Scarecrow An' you're gonna lead us!
M-m-me?
Scarecrow Yes, you!
I gotta get in there?
[Scarecrow and Tin Man nod] .
[hesitates]
. All right; I'll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch. Guards or no guards; I'll tear 'em apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm goin' in there! There's only one thing I want you fellas to do.
Scarecrow and Tin Man
What's that?
Talk me out of it.
[He backs down; the others prop him up, and all three go nearer to the gate. Toto barks; the Scarecrow quiets him. Three Winkie guards attack from behind. They fight; the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Lion re-enter, dressed in the Winkies' uniforms] .
Scarecrow Come on, I've got another plan!
Do you think it'll be polite, dropping in like this?
[They join the formation entering the castle] .
Where do we go now?
Yeah!
Scarecrow [Toto barks and leads the way upstairs]
There!
