Wedding Crashers quotes

View Quote Jeremy: The great 19th century philosopher Schopenhauer, he said, at that moment when a human sees another human in danger, that there's this breaking in of metaphysical awareness. Do you know what that awareness is, Gloria?
Gloria: What?
Jeremy: That we're all one. That separateness is an illusion, and that I'm one with everyone--with the Prime Minister of England, and my cousin Harry, you and me, the fat kid from "What's Happening!", The Olsen twins, Natalie Portman, the guy who wrote "Catcher in the Rye," Nat King Cole, Carrot Top, Jay-Z, Weird Al Yankovic, Harry Potter, if he existed, the whore on the street corner, your mother--we're all one.
Gloria: We are?

View Quote [sees Jeremy carrying the grandmother back to her room]
Randolph: You banging the daughter and the grandma? How much jam you got, man?
Jeremy: Jam? L--
Randolph: Listen, man,the family dog lives downstairs. I can wake him up for you, if you like. His name is Snooky.
Jeremy: You could not be more wrong about what's happen--
Randolph: Just be gentle with her, okay? She be pushing 90! Jesus Christ.

View Quote Rule #1 - Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own

View Quote Rule #2 - Never use your real name.

View Quote Rule #3 - Never confess.

View Quote Rule #4 - No one goes home alone.

View Quote Rule #5 - Never let a girl get between you and a fellow Crasher.

View Quote Rule #7 - Blend in by standing out.

View Quote Rule #8 - Be the life of the party.

View Quote Rule #9 - Whatever it takes to get in, get in.

View Quote Rule #10 - Invitations are for pussies.

View Quote Rule #11 - Sensitive is good.

View Quote Rule #12 - When it stops being fun, break something.

View Quote Rule #13 - Bridesmaids are desperate - console them.

View Quote Rule #14 - You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.