N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #


Victor/Victoria quotes

29 total quotes


View Quote (looking at a glass of White Wine) The last time I saw a specimen like this they had to shoot the horse.
View Quote Charles Bovin: You called. I am Charles Bovin, Private Investigator.
Labisse: Good. There is something I want you to find out.
Charles Bovin: At your service. [sits on one of the bar stools]
Labisse: Be very careful.
Charles Bovin: Monsieur, I am always careful.
Labisse: That stool is broken.
Charles Bovin: It is?
[stool breaks down]
View Quote Hotel Manager: You promised to pay me on Tuesday, then on Wednesday, then on Thursday...
Victoria: [pointing at his bib] What's that?
Hotel Manager: What?
[Victoria runs a finger over a food stain and tastes it]
Victoria: Spaghetti?
Hotel Manager: Uh, yes, with meatballs.
Victoria: I'll sleep with you for a meatball.
Hotel Manager: You would?
Victoria: Oh, missed your chance. [faints]
View Quote King: I don't care if you are a man. [kisses Victoria]
Victoria: I...I'm not a man.
King: I still don't care. [Victora kisses him right back]
View Quote Labisse: If you ever come back, I will have you thrown out.
Toddy: Don't make it sound like such a threat. Being thrown out of a place like this is significantly better than being thrown out of a leper colony.
View Quote Norma: [about Squash] You know, I know he's supposed to protect you, but does he have to stay in the same suite with us? I mean I just keep expecting him to break in while we're, uh... while we're making love.
King: He'd only do that if he heard something unusual. Like if I got excited!
View Quote Norma: I just love Frenchmen.
Toddy: Oh, so do I!
View Quote Norma: I think that the right woman could reform you.
Toddy: You know, I think that the right woman could reform you, too.
Norma: (laughs)Me? Give up men? Forget it!
Toddy: You took the words right out of my mouth.
View Quote Police Inspector: You idiot! That's a man!
Labisse: It can't be!
Police Inspector: The person in that room was naked from the waist down, and if that was a woman, then she is wearing the greatest disguise I have ever seen!
View Quote Squash: In one fell swoop you've changed my whole life.
King: It wasn't that kind of a swoop.
Squash: Listen, if a guy like you can have the guts to admit that he's gay ... then so can I.
[kisses King]
Squash: You've made me very happy!
View Quote Toddy: You know it's very strange. At the club I thought you were just about at the end of your rope.
Victoria: Oh, I was. I am! This is the first decent meal I've had in almost four days.
Toddy: And you can't pay for it?
Victoria: CaseƩ!
Toddy: And you want me to have dinner with you?
Victoria: I want you to have the best damn dinner you ever had. Have two! I started off with the roast chicken and I segued to boeuf bourguignon, it's anybody's guess what I could end up with.
Toddy: Oh, I'd guess about thirty days.
Victoria: If all goes well, I expect to leave here poor, but sated. I have a (lowers voice to a whisper) a bug in my purse. At the appropriate moment it goes in my salad.
Toddy: It'll never work.
Victoria: A bug in my salad?
Toddy: In a place like this, it would be an event if there wasn't a bug in your salad.
Victoria: What about a... ****roach?
Toddy: A ****roach!
Victoria: Shhh! Bigger than your thumb!
Toddy: Ew, God!
View Quote Victoria: In spite of what you think, Monsieur Labisse, there are professions where practice *does* make perfect. [she hits a high note, causing Labisse's wine glass to shatter, and leaves angrily]
Labisse: What in hell was that?
Toddy: B flat.
View Quote Victoria: Men have Adam's apples.
Toddy: So do some women.
Victoria: Name one.
Toddy: Nana Lanu.
Victoria: Nana Lanu, who's she?
Toddy: The last woman I slept with.
Victoria: When was that?
Toddy: The night before the morning I decided to become a homosexual.
View Quote Victoria: The bourguignon was just a little tough.
Waiter: Maybe the way you are eating your jaws are getting tired.
Toddy: Speaking of overworked jaws, why don't you treat yours to a sabbatical and fetch me a wine list?
Victoria: [holding up her wine glass] This is all they have.
Toddy: This? The last time I saw a specimen like this, they had to shoot the horse!
Waiter: How lucky can you get? In one evening a Rockefeller... and a Groucho Marx.
Toddy: Oh, they didn't shoot a real horse... just a costume with two waiters in it.
Waiter: I shall think of a sharp retort while I am getting your roast chicken.
Toddy: It's a wise man who knows when to throw in the towel.
Waiter: And it is a moron who gives advice to a horse's arse.
View Quote (King and Squash are working out at the gym)
King: Hey, Squash...
Squash: Yeah?
King: Can I ask you a... personal question?
Squash: Go ahead.
King: How long, I mean... exactly when did you know you...
Squash: How long have I been gay?
King: Yeah.
Squash: Oh, God, I can't remember when I wasn't!
King: I've known you for fifteen years...
Squash: You know a lot of guys, boss, you'd be surprised.
King: But, you were all-American! I never saw a rougher, tougher, meaner, son-of-a-bitch football player in all my life.
Squash: Boss, if you didn't want the guys to call you ****, you became a rough, tough, son-of-a-bitch football player.
King: [suddenly colliding with a large man and his companion] Why don't you watch where you're going, huh?
Companion: [after translating in French] He says that it was your fault and suggests that you apologize.
King: Oh, he does, does he?
Squash: Come on, boss...
King: No, no, no... (to the companion) Well, you tell him if he'd like an apology, he can just get him some gloves and I'll see him in the ring.
Companion: [translating] Just give him ten minutes. He will be delighted to oblige.
[they walk off]
King: "He'll be delighted to oblige." Who the hell does he think he is?
Squash: Guy Langois, the French middleweight boxing champion. [King freezes] But don't worry! [whispers] He's gay.