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Trading Places

Trading Places quotes

37 total quotes

Billy Ray Valentine
Louis Winthorp III
Others


Louis: [after giving the secret knock] Who is it?
Billy Ray: Open the door, man!


Louis: [after ruining the Dukes] Happy New Year!
Randolph Duke: [hoarsely] Winthorpe.
Mortimer Duke: [stunned] Valentine.
Billy Ray: Hey! How'd y'all make out today?
Mortimer Duke: How could you do this to us after everything we've done for you?
Billy Ray: Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here. See, Louis bet me that we couldn't both get rich and put y'all in the poor house at the same time. He didn't think we could do it. I won.
Louis: [grinning] I lost... One dollar.
Billy Ray: Thank you, Louis.
Louis: After you.
Billy Ray: Certainly.

Louis: [approaching the New York Commodities Exchange] Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray: Yeah, we got to kill the motherf... - we got to kill 'em!

Louis: Looking good, Billy Ray!
Billy Ray: Feeling good, Louis!

Louis: My God! The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market!
Ophelia: Unless somebody stops them...
Coleman: ...or beats them to it. [all turn and look at him] Egg-nog?

Louis: Nenge? Nenge Mboko? It is me, Lionel Joseph!
Billy Ray: Lionel! From the African Education Conference!
Louis: Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.
Billy Ray: I remember the pavilion - we had big fun there!
Both: Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah! Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah!
Billy Ray: Oh, memories!

Louis: Randolph. Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Winthorpe, my boy, what have you got for us?
Louis: Well, it's that time of the month again. Payroll checks for our employees, which require your signatures. And no forgetting to sign the big ones!
Mortimer Duke: We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.
Louis: [laughs] Can't get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer.

Pawnbroker: Burnt my fingers, man.
Louis: I beg your pardon?
Pawnbroker: Man, that watch is so hot, it's smokin'.
Louis: Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen?
Pawnbroker: I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
Louis: Fifty bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland, and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is the sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail!
Pawnbroker: You got a receipt?
Louis: Look, it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad.
Pawnbroker: In Philadelphia, it's worth 50 bucks.
Louis Winthorpe III: Just give me the money. [looking in display case] How much for the gun?

President of Exchange: [Randolph Duke has just collapsed with shock] Mortimer, your brother is not well. We better call an ambulance.
Mortimer Duke: **** him! Now, you listen to me! I want trading reopened right now. Get those brokers back in here! Turn those machines back on! [shouts, echoing throughout the trading hall] Turn those machines back on!

Randolph Duke: [being wheeled out on a stretcher] Where's Beeks? Where in the hell is Beeks?
Billy Ray: [to Louis] Yeah, I forgot about that guy.

Randolph Duke: Exactly why do you think the price of pork bellies is going to keep going down, William?
Billy Ray: Okay, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody is waiting for it to hit rock bottom, so they can buy low. Which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are saying, "Hey, we're losing all our damn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain't gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip! And my wife ain't gonna f... my wife ain't gonna make love to me if I got no money!" So they're panicking right now, they're screaming "SELL! SELL!" to get out before the price keeps dropping. They're panicking out there right now, I can feel it.
[on the ticker machine, the price keeps dropping]
Randolph Duke: He's right, Mortimer! My God, look at it!

Randolph Duke: Ezra. Right on time. I'll bet you thought I'd forgotten your Christmas bonus. There you are.
Ezra: Five dollars. Maybe I'll go to the movies... by myself.
Mortimer Duke: Half of it is from me.
Ezra: Thank you, Mr. Mortimer. [mouthing silently] Asshole.

Randolph Duke: Money isn't everything, Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Oh, grow up.
Randolph Duke: Mother always said you were greedy.
Mortimer Duke: She meant it as a compliment.

[Billy Ray overhears the Dukes talking in the bathroom]
Randolph Duke: Pay up, Mortimer. I've won the bet.
Mortimer Duke: Here, one dollar.
Randolph Duke: [chuckling] We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer! [laughs] Now, what are we going to do about taking Winthorpe back and returning Valentine to the ghetto?
Mortimer Duke: I don't want Winthorpe back, after what he's done.
Randolph Duke: You mean, keep Valentine on as managing director?
Mortimer Duke: Do you really believe I would have a **** run our family business, Randolph?
[Valentine's eyes widen with outrage]
Randolph Duke: Of course not. Neither would I.

[after demonstrating some fake karate moves while in jail] That's called the "quart of blood" technique. You do that, a quart of blood will drop out of a man's body.