I'm Paul Bunyan! I'm 300 pounds of raging fury! [deflects a bullet with his axe] You're in trouble now! Don't point your little gun at me, you sissy! I can out-eat, out-swing any one of you! I'm Paul Bunyan!
Pecos Bill
Patrick Swayze · 21 quotes
Paul Bunyan
Oliver Platt · 14 quotes
Daniel Hackett
Nick Stahl · 13 quotes
John Henry
Roger Aaron Brown · 13 quotes
J.P. Stiles
Scott Glenn · 11 quotes
Jonas Hackett
Stephen Lang · 7 quotes
Most scenes together: Pecos Bill & Paul Bunyan (5), Daniel Hackett & Pecos Bill (4), Paul Bunyan & John Henry (4)
Tall Tale quotes
Page 1 of 5
Calamity Jane Well, paint my toenails and curl my hair.
Calamity? My cactus flower!
Calamity Jane [shoots his cigar]
Don't you "Cactus Flower" me, you double-crossing dog!
I missed you, darling! If only you knew how much I've been thinkin' about you...
Calamity Jane I know too well, you pissant, flea-infested little weasel. [shoots the ceiling, causing a bucket to fall on his head]
Calamity, you're looking mighty pretty tonight.
Calamity Jane Trying to sweet-talk me, you hairy, overgrown, meally-mouthed, two-faced, lyin', yellow-bellied snivelling snake?! [shoots his belt off] You gutless, brainless, heartless, sidewinder!
Calamity Jane You had to bring up Amarillo? [shoots an outline of Pecos Bill into the wall]
Who are you?
I am a ring-tailed roarer. I can draw faster, shoot straighter and drink longer than any man alive. I ride cyclones and i wrassle--
You got a name, don't you?
I'm gettin' to that. I'm the rip-snortinest cowboy that ever rode North, South, East or West of the Rio Grande. I'm Pecos Bill.
And I'm Santy Claus.
Friendly cuss, ain't he, Widow Maker? Well, Dan'l Hackett, I think them two varmints got somethin' that belongs to you.
I once seen a picture of New York City at night, it's all lit up with all these electric light bulbs. Can use a few of them right now.
Electric light ball?
Light bulbs. They're balls of glass that light up hundreds of times brighter than the brightest candle.
Go on.
Well, pretty soon, people won't need lanterns, won't have to go chop their wood to make fires. Just turn this little knob and the electric light bulbs just come on.
But I like chopping wood.
Pretty soon, there won't be no darkness. It'll be like noontime at midnight.
Well, how are folks going to see the stars?
They just... won't see the stars, I guess.
Well, I don't like it. No siree Bob, I don't like it one... Oh... [laughs] If you ask me, I think he's telling us a tall tale.
Yeah, that's a tall tale. That's a tall tale for sure.
That's God's honest truth.
Not see the stars?
John Henry! Where have you been?!
[holding the train back]
Just waiting for you to make your move, Daniel. Just waiting for your to make your move.
Mister, I got no fight with you.
Naw, defenseless youngins' and farmers are more your style.
Mister, you just killed yourself.
Boy, be reasonable! You know we're gonna win in the end! [Daniel moves to strike the pillar] Stop! Just stop. All right, all right. I admit it. You got me over a barrel. My back's to the wall. Name your price.
I ain't interested!
You fool! There'll be others just like me, and more after them and after them. Long as there's a profit to be made, we'll never stop. We're comin'!
Not through our land!
Well, I see your pa sent a boy to do a man's job.
I come of my own accord!
The time for deeds is over, kid. Get off the track.
I'm telling you... to get out of Paradise Valley!
A little speck of dust like you? You really think you can stop all this? [showcasing the train and tunnel]
Well, maybe not, but I sure am going to give it my best shot!
All right. Have it your way, then. [to the engineers] Run him over. [pause] I said, run him over!
My record was perfect before today.
Now you are forever tarnished with ignominious defeat.
Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but in my day, we didn't steal from the land, we just borrowed from it.
Well, now what in tarnation are you going to do about it?
I'm going to do as I darn well please and the rest of the world can go to the blazes!
And would that be includin' Paradise Valley?
Paradise Valley is no concern of mine.
You're not Paul Bunyan.
Who says I ain't?
My pa used to tell me stories about Paul Bunyan. He said that Paul Bunyan was a giant of a man, a man who could tame a continent, a man who could look danger in the eyes and laugh in its face.
Well, he did get those parts right.
Well, not from where I'm sitting! Seems to me you're just hiding out, feeling sorry for yourself.
Pecos, who is this kid?
Seems to me that you're just plain scared. You are not the Paul Bunyan my pa was telling me about.
How old are you, kid?
Twelve.
Do me a Sequoia-sized favor - Stay out of my way if you want to be thirteen.
I oughta plug you two right now. But I make it a rule never to kill a man on a Sunday.
Grub
Sunday?
Zeb Today's Wednesday.
Wednesday?
This ain't nothin' compared to the summer of '88. It was so hot, all the chickens was layin' fried eggs and babies was cryin' sawdust. Things got so bad, the whole state of Texas lit on fire. So I hightailed it up to Kansas...
Does this story have a point? Or does it just go on and on and on like this stinkin' desert?
Yeah, this story has a point. I blew out the dang fire! You know, I'm gettin' sick and tired of you complaining and whining all the time!
I'm lost in a giant barbeque pit and I don't know what's going to kill me first: the heat, the thirst, or having' to listen to your inceseant yammerin!
You stay out of this you-you contest loser! What did you call me?!
[Paul and Henry start to fight]
You're nothing but a big fat quitter! QUITTER, QUITTER, QUITTER!
Harm one hair on that boy's head and you're a dead man, Stiles.
I got no quarrel with you, cowboy, or your friends.
You sure got a peculiar way of showing it.
You can't have the -
If that's your way of thinking, I reckon we don't.
You don't stop progress, cowboy. That's the difference between me and you. I can adjust to the times. You can't.
Don't listen to him, Daniel.
We can beat this thing yet.
You've just got to believe, boy.
[hesitates, turns to Pecos, John and Paul]
Where do you get off telling me what to do? Where do any of you get off telling people how to live?!
That's it, boy. That's the spirit!
Don't lose the dream, Daniel.
You don't know what you can do until you try.
Don't give up on yourself, kid.
You all are nothing! Just a bunch of tall tales that my pa made up! [turns to Pecos Bill] And you are nothing but hot air.
I ain't got all day, boy. Time is money.
Don't do it, Daniel.
Stupid ox! What's wrong with the dumb animal?! Why ain't he pulling, Paul?! Why'd he quit pulling, Paul?
It's very simple. If you insulted him, you have to apologize.
Paul.
Mister Pecos Bill.
I ain't apologizing to no ox.