The Sword in the Stone (1963) · 23 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in The Sword in the Stone (1963): in 13 of its 23 quotes
Most scenes with: Arthur (8), Archimedes (8)
Merlin A dark age indeed! An age of inconveniance! No plumbing! No electricity! No... nothing! [almost falls into the well] Oh, hang it all! Hang it all! [finally gets his bucket filled with water out of the well, and tries to leave, but finds that he is caught in something] Oh, now what? Now what?! [sees the chain wrapped around his leg] Here, leave off! LEAVE OFF! Oh, you fiendish chain, you! [kicks it away] Everything complicated! One big medieval mess!
Merlin Now, let me see. He should be here in, I'd say, half an hour.
Who? Who? I'd like to know who!
Merlin I told you, Archimedes, I am not sure. All I know is that someone will be coming, someone very important.
Oh, pinfeathers!
Merlin Fate will direct him to me, so that I, in turn, may guide him to his rightful place in the world.
Merlin Well! So, you did drop in for tea after all! Oh, you are a bit late, you know.
Oh, I am?
Merlin Yes. Now, my name is Merlin... Come, come, who are you, my lad?
Oh, my name's Arthur, but everyone calls me Wart.
Merlin Oh.
Ooh, what a perfect stuffed owl.
Stuffed!? I beg your pardon!
He's alive, and he talks.
How did you know that I would--
Merlin Oh, that-that you would be dropping in? Well, I happen to be a wizard! A soothsayer! A prognosticator! I have the power to see into the future! Centuries into the future! I've even been there, lad.
Merlin Oh, big news, eh? Can't wait for the London Times - first edition won't be out for at least [looks at his watch] 1200 years. Archimedes, would you mind sailing down there and-
Not interested.
Merlin Oh, come now! You're as wet as you can get!
NO! No, no, no!
Merlin Archimedes! I'll turn you into a human!
You wouldn't dare!
Merlin I will! So help me, I will!
All right! All right!
Merlin Works every time. Just like magic!
Merlin Science indeed. One dummy trying to knock off another dummy with a bit of a stick.
And the Wart's just as hot for it as the rest of them.
Merlin Yes. That boy's got real spark, lots of spirit. Throws himself, heart and soul, into everything he does. And that's really worth something. If it could only be turned in the right direction.
Ha-ha! Fat chance of that!
Merlin Oh, I intend to cheat of course. Use magic! Every last trick in the trade if, I have to.
Merlin By George! I've had enough of this nonsense! ALAKAZAM! [In an atom bomb explosion, Merlin changes back into a human, causing the granny squirrel to scream.] There! Now you see? I'm an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!
Merlin!
Merlin So, here we are.
Quick, Merlin, the magic!
Merlin Snick, snack, snorum!
There, now you see? I'm not a squirrel, I'm a boy. [The girl squirrel chirps as if asking a question.] I tried to tell you. I-I'm a boy. A human boy! [The girl squirrel climbs up to a knot on her tree and sniffs.] Oh! If you could only understand.
Merlin Ah, you know, lad... that love business is a powerful thing.
Greater than gravity?
Merlin Well, yes, boy, in its way, I'd, uh- Yes, I'd say it's the greatest force on Earth.
[The girl squirrel climbs to the top of her tree to get one last look at Arthur and sobs one last time as the screen fades to black.]
You old goat! If I ever catch you in my kitchen again, I'll--
Merlin Madame, you won't! [disappears in a puff of smoke]
Oh dear. He-he's gone!
Well, by Jove...
We ought to run the old geezer right out of the castle.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Kay, no! He might cast an evil spell on the lot of us. Turn us all to stone! Shh! No, there's no telling what the old devil might do.
He's not an old devil! He- he's good, and his magic is good, too. If you'd just leave him alone--
Now look here, Wart, that's three more demerits!
Box his ears, Dad.
Just because you can't understand something, it doesn't mean it's wrong!
You've said aplenty, boy! All that popping off just cooked your goose! Kay, from now on, young Hobbs is your squire. You hear that, Wart? Hobbs is going to be Kay's squire.
And that'll teach you to pop off, you little pipsqueak. [As Kay leaves the kitchen with Sir Ector, he chops a mop (that humiliated him earlier) in half with his sword]
Merlin I'm sorry, lad. Sorry I spoiled everything. I know that trip to London meant a great deal to you.
Oh, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have popped off. Now I'm really done for.
Merlin No, no, you're in a great spot, boy. You can't go down now, it can only be up from here.
I'd like to know how.
Merlin Use your head, and education, lad.
Merlin Get it first, and who knows? Are you willing to try?
Merlin That's the spirit! We'll start tomorrow! We'll show 'em, won't we, boy?
Merlin Archimedes, have you seen that flying machine model?
I have nothing to do with your futuristic fiddle-faddle, you know that.
Merlin Hmm? Oh, yes, of course. Here we are. [takes it down]
Do you mean man will fly in one of those someday?
Merlin I am about to prove otherwise, Archimedes, if you care to watch. Here she goes! [He tosses it out the window] No, no, no - NO! [The plane unravels from his beard at the wrong angle, and starts to fall out of the sky.]
Man will fly, all right! Just like a rock! [The model plane lands in the moat with a crash, and is sunken out of sight. Archimedes then laughs harder.]
Merlin It would have worked if... if it weren't for this infernal beard! [Archimedes continues to laugh hysterically.] Man will fly someday, I tell you! I have been there! I have seen it!
Oh, I do hope so. I've always dreamed about flying; that I was a bird and that I could go sailing all over the sky, high above everything... [Merlin sneaks up behind him and quietly changes him into a sparrow] It's my favorite dream. [sighs] But then, I suppose everyone dreams about flying-- [notices his new form; happily] I'm a bird, I'm a bird, I'm a bird! [starts to flutter clumsily out the window]
Merlin Hold it, boy! Not so fast, not so fast. First, I'd better explain the mechanics of a bird's wing. [grabs Archimedes' wing and runs his finger along the feathers] Now, these large feathers are called the primaries, and--
And since when do you know all about birds' wings?
Merlin I have made an extensive study of birds in flight, and--
Merlin All right, Mr. Know-It-All! He's your pupil! [sets Arthur down firmly]
Ouch!
Now boy, flying is not merely some crude mechanical process. [clears his throat offensively at Merlin, who clears his throat in return] It is a delicate art. Purely aesthetic! Poetry of motion! And the best way to learn it is to do it.
She was going to destroy me!
And just what are you gonna do about it? Want to fight?! Want to have a wizard's duel?! [slaps Merlin across the face provokingly]
Merlin As you wish, Madame.
Well, come on. Step outside!
Merlin After you, Madame.
Wha--?! What's up, boy, what's going on?
They're having a wizard's duel. What's that mean?
Oh, it's a battle of wits. The players change themselves into different things in an attempt to... to destroy one another.
D-d-destroy?
Just watch, boy, just watch. You'll get the idea.
Now! First of all, if you don't mind, I'll make the rules.
Rules indeed! Ha ha ha! Why, she only wants rules so she can break them!
I'll take care of you later, featherbrain. [Archimedes huffs; to Merlin] Now, Rule 1: No minerals or vegetables, only animals. Rule 2: No make-believe things like, oh, pink dragons and stuff. Rule 3: No disappearing. [squeezes his nose playfully]
Merlin Rule 4: No cheating!
Merlin Now, Mim! No dragons, remember?
Did I say no purple dragons? DID I?!
Merlin, look! I'm a squire! [Merlin, angry and disappointed by Arthur's decision, scoffs and goes back to his stove]
Oh, uh...very nice, boy.
Merlin Yes indeed. A fine monkey suit for polishing boots!
Merlin And I thought you were going to amount to something! [Gets up out of his chair] I thought you had a few brains! [Kicks over a stack of books] Great future! Hah! A stooge for that big lunk, Kay! Congratulations, boy!
What do you-What do you want me to be?! I'm nobody! You...You don't know a thing about what's going on today! [Archimedes gasps] I'm lucky to be Kay's squire!
Merlin Oh! Of all the idiotic...! BLOW ME TO BERMUDA! [He magically rockets off to Bermuda]
Where...W-where did he go?
To Bermuda, I suppose.
Where's that?
Oh, an island way off somewhere that hasn't been discovered yet.
Will he...ever come back?
Who knows? Who knows anything?
Oh, Merlin! You're back from Ber-ber-ber-
Merlin Bermuda? Yes, back from Bermuda and the 20th century! And believe me, you can have it! One big modern mess! Alakazam! [magically changes back into his regular clothes]
I'm in an awful pickle! I'm King!
He pulled the Sword from the Stone.
Merlin Aha! Of course, of course! King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table!
Round Table?
Merlin Oh, would you rather have a square one?
Oh, no, round will be fine.
Merlin Boy, boy, boy - you'll become a great legend. They'll be writing books about you for centuries to come. Why, they might even make a motion picture about you.
Motion picture?
Merlin Well, uh.... that's something like television. Without commercials.
