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Swingers quotes

82 total quotes

Answering Machine
Mike Peters
Trent Walker

View Quote 'll have a scotch on the rocks. Any scotch will do, as long as it's not a blend, of course.
View Quote 'm not even hungry; I couldn't touch it. [Hands plate to guy at next table]
View Quote 've been here for six months; all 've got to show for it is black lung.
View Quote Answering Machine: There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Mike: Great. That's great advice. Thanks a lot, okay. Bye.
Answering Machine: Life, after all...
Mike: Please, y- 'm tryin' to make a phone call.
Answering Machine: Are you calling her?
Mike: No, would you stop. 'm- please.
View Quote Lorraine: Hi, Mike, I'm Lorraine.
Mike: Like the quiche.
Lorraine: Yeah, yeah, the quiche. That's a really original joke.
Mike: I like quiche. How's that?
Lorraine: Yeah? Well, I thought real men didn't like quiche.
Mike: Yeah, well, my reputation seems to have preceded me here.
Lorraine: You're not a real man?
Mike: Not lately, no.
View Quote Mike: Count'em up.
Rob: How many strokes? What'd you get?
Mike: Eight or a nine.
Rob: 'll give you an eight.
Mike: What'd you get?
Rob: I got an eight.
Mike: Dead heat after one hole. This is turning into quite a rivalry.
View Quote Mike: Do you think we'll get there by midnight?
Trent: Baby, we're going to be up five hundy by midnight!
View Quote Mike: Hi, how are you ladies doing this evening?
Girl at the Party: What do you drive?
View Quote Mike: Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party and you're going to say it sucks and we're all gonna leave and then we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who's looking around the room to see if there's somebody else who's more important she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy 'cause she's wearing a backpack, you know? And half of them are just nasty skanks who wouldn't be nothing except they're surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. And I'm gonna tell you something T. Are you listening?
Trent: Yeah, I'm listening.
Mike: I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. Alright? It just makes me sick. It's like, some nasty skank who isn't half the woman my girlfriend is, is gonna front me? It makes me want to ****in' puke!
View Quote Mike: Now the trick is, we gotta look like we don't need this shit, and then they give us the shit for free.
Trent: Right, right, right. Well you know I think you look great, man, and I think I'm looking like the money, like the bomb, right?
Mike: See that, that there table, thats where we make our scene.
Trent: You think that they'd notice me and you?
Mike: Ahh, they're going to notice me and you, because they're watching.
View Quote Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.
View Quote Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.
Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you...
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we ****ed. Is that... would that be... T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.
View Quote Mike: What the **** are you carrying a gun for? What, in case somebody steps to you, Snoop Dogg?
Sue: Hey man, you're not from here, alright. You don't know how it is. I grew up in L.A.
Trent: Anaheim.
Sue: Whatever, man. It's different out here. It's not like New York, Mikey.
Mike: ****in'-a right it's not like New York, out here you can avoid trouble. In New York trouble finds you.
Sue: People get carjacked.
Trent: Who's gonna carjack your ****in' K-Car? He's right, Sue, you don't need to carry a gat!
View Quote Mike: You know what, 've got it under control.
Trent: He has it under control.
Sue: I guess we don't have to worry about him any more.
Trent: Our little baby's all grown up.
View Quote Mike: You shouldn't be sorry, you're a winner. I'm the ****ing loser. I'm the one who should be sorry.
Trent: Baby don't talk that way.
Mike: Can we just go, please, can we go?
Trent: Baby look at me, look at me. You're money, and you know what else? You're a big winner tonight.
Mike: I want to leave.
Trent: You're a big winner. I'm gonna ask you a simple question and I want you to listen to me: who's the big winner here tonight at the casino? Huh? Mikey, that's who. Mikey's the big winner. Mikey wins.