James T. Kirk quotes from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)

Pavel Chekov

Cloaking device now available on all flight modes.

James T. Kirk

I'm impressed; that's a lot of work for a short voyage.

Pavel Chekov

We are in enemy wessel, sir. I do not wish to be shot down on the way to our own funeral.

James T. Kirk

Good thinking. Engine room. Report, Mr. Scott.

Montgomery Scott

We're ready, sir. I've converted the dilithium sequencer into something a little less primitive. And, Admiral, I have replaced the Klingon food packs. They were giving me a sour stomach.

Montgomery Scott

You planning to take a swim?

Leonard McCoy

Off the deep end, Mr. Scott.

James T. Kirk

We've got to find some humpbacks.

Montgomery Scott

Humpbacked people?

James T. Kirk

Whales, Mr. Scott. Whales. About 45 to 50 feet long. About 40 tons each.

James T. Kirk

This is an extremely primitive and paranoid culture.

James T. Kirk

Everybody remember where we parked.

Why don't you watch where you're going, you dumb-ass!

James T. Kirk

Well, a double dumb-ass on you!

Spock

Excuse me. Weren't those a birthday present from Dr. McCoy?

James T. Kirk

And they will be again. That's the beauty of it. [to the Antique store owner] How much?

Well, they'd be worth more if the lenses were intact. I'll give you one hundred dollars.

James T. Kirk

Is that a lot?

Spock

Admiral, may I ask you a question?

James T. Kirk

Spock, don't call me Admiral. You used to call me Jim. Don't you remember "Jim"? What's your question?

Spock

Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall I say, more colorful metaphors-- "Double dumb-ass on you" and so forth.

James T. Kirk

You mean the profanity?

Spock

Yes.

James T. Kirk

That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the period.

Spock

For example?

James T. Kirk

Oh, the complete works of Jacqueline Susan, the novels of Harold Robbins....

Spock

Ah... The giants.

Pavel Chekov

Admiral, we have found the nuclear wessel.

James T. Kirk

Well done, team two.

Pavel Chekov

And, Admiral... it is the Enterprise.

James T. Kirk

Understood. What's your plan?

Pavel Chekov

We will beam in tonight, collect the photons, and beam out. No one will ever know we were there.

James T. Kirk

Understood and approved. Keep me informed. Kirk out.

James T. Kirk

If we play our cards right, we may be able to find out where those whales are being released.

Spock

How will playing cards help?

Dr. Gillian Taylor

You guys like Italian?

Spock

No.

James T. Kirk

Yes.

Spock

No.

James T. Kirk

Yes.

Spock

No.

James T. Kirk

Yes. I love Italian. [looks at Spock] And so do you.

Spock

Yes.

Dr. Gillian Taylor

Don't tell me, you're from outer space.

James T. Kirk

No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space.

Dr. Gillian Taylor

Don't tell me they don't use money in the 23rd Century.

James T. Kirk

Well, we don't.

James T. Kirk

Scotty, beam me up.
[This is the actual line uttered. See List of misquotations or Star Trek: The Original Series.]

James T. Kirk

Spock, where the hell is the power you promised me?

Spock

One damn minute, Admiral.

Montgomery Scott

I'm ready, Spock. Let's find George and Gracie.

Montgomery Scott

Admiral, there be whales here!

James T. Kirk

Well done, Mr. Scott. How soon can we be ready for warp speed?

Montgomery Scott

Full power now, sir.

James T. Kirk

If you will, Mr. Sulu.

Hikaru Sulu

Aye, sir. Warp speed.

James T. Kirk

Mr. Spock, have you accounted for the variable mass of whales and water in your time re-entry program?

Spock

Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral, so... I will make a guess.

James T. Kirk

A guess? You, Spock? That's extraordinary.

Spock

I don't think he understands.

Leonard McCoy

No, Spock. He means that he feels safer about your guesses than most other people's facts.

Spock

Then you're saying... it is a compliment?

Leonard McCoy

It is.

Spock

Ah. Then I will try to make the best guess I can.

Leonard McCoy

The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe. We'll get a freighter.

Hikaru Sulu

With all respect, Doctor, I'm counting on Excelsior.

Montgomery Scott

Excelsior? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?

James T. Kirk

A ship is a ship.

Montgomery Scott

Whatever you say, sir. Thy will be done.

James T. Kirk

My friends... we've come home.

Hikaru Sulu

Helm ready, Captain.

James T. Kirk

All right, Mr. Sulu. Let's see what she's got.
[last lines]

Leonard McCoy

You think they could at least send us a ship. It's bad enough to be court-martialed and to have to spend the rest of our lives mining borite, but to have to go home in this Klingon flea trap!

James T. Kirk

You could learn a thing or two from this flea trap, it's got a cloaking device that costs us a lot.

McCoy

I just wish we could cloak out the stench.