[During the train trip, someone knocks on the door to Watson and Mary's compartment]
Come in! [The door opens and a man with a champagne bottle comes in]
MW Mary Watson
Oh, yes, please!
"Train Conductor" With our compliments, sir.
Thank you. Put it there. [The conductor comes in and closes the door behind himself. He promptly attacks Watson with a knife, but Watson wards him off, and Mary puts a gun to his head, while Watson opens the door]
MW Mary Watson
Open the door, John. I think it’s time for you to leave!
[throws the man off the train; to Mary]
Sit down! [opens the door and looks out. A couple of soldiers come towards their compartment; a mystery person suddenly overpowers one of the soldiers and opens fire on the other men, who duck as bullets shatter the windows; when the intruder comes towards Watson, Watson draws his gun on - Holmes, in drag!]
I agree, it's not my best disguise, but I had to make do! [enters the compartment]
MW Mary Watson
Oh, my God! [Holmes sits down next to Mary and hands Watson his pistol]
[in the train, watching for attackers with his gun ready]
How many were you expecting?
A wedding present from Moriarty. [to Mary] Lovely ceremony by the way. Many a tear shed in joy.
[shoots]
Yes, just a minute, darling!
Well then I should have to... do something about that. [As they cross a bridge, he pushes Mary out of the train, and she falls into the river]
[shoots]
Who’s up to bat next, you bastards? [fires] Send out the fast bowler!
John, do shut the door. [Watson does it, looks around, and realises that Mary is gone] It had to be done! [Watson runs to the other door and looks out] She’s safe now! In my own defence... [Watson attacks him and punches him] I timed it perfectly!
Did you kill my wife?! Did you just kill my new wife?!
[slaps him]
What do you mean? How do you know that when you just threw her off a train?!
I told you I timed it perfectly!
What does that mean?! [They struggle] Explain!
By the time I explain, we'll both be dead! [Moriarty's henchmen open the door and one of them aims a rifle, which is jammed with a lipstick cap inserted into the barrel; lengthy flashback begins showing that Holmes has replaced a bullet in an ammo belt with a tube of lipstick and shoves the cap in the rifle barrel, before covering the henchmen in phosphorus dust; in real time, the henchman fires, the cap creates a squib load, the barrel ruptures, igniting the phosphorus, causing the henchman to burst into flames]
That was no accident. It was by design. Now, do you need me to elaborate, or can we just crack on?
MH Mycroft Holmes
[Mary has been thrown off the train into the river]
Over here, Madam! I believe congratulations are in order, Mrs. Watson. [Mary swims] I'm the other Holmes.
MW Mary Watson
You mean there's two of you? Oh, how marvelous! Can this evening can any better? [Mycroft helps her on-board]
