Abe quotes from The Ritz (1976)

Abe

I thought you sworn off this place.

I thought I had too.

Abe

You got homesick for us, right?

Well I didn't have much choice, I've been barred from the Appenium.

Abe

Come on, nobody gets barred from the Appenium. How'd you manage that?

Well, there was this man there.

Abe

A fat man, right?

Fat? He was the magic mountain! He drove me into one of my frenzies. I went berserk and kicked his door open, so they threw me out and told me never to come back again. I was willing to pay for it, I just wanted to talk to him, you know how I am.

Proclo

You're a good man, uh...?

Abe

Abe.

Proclo

Abe. Abe. I'm gonna have a novena said for you when I get back to Cleveland. What's your last name? Abe what?

Abe

Leftkowitz.

Proclo

I'll still have a novena said for you when I get back.

Chris

You know, I had a novena said for me once. I asked to wake up gorgeous.

Abe

So what happened?

Chris

Well look at me!

Chris

Abe, how is that gorgeous son of yours?

Abe

You're too late, he's getting married.

Chris

That's terrific! You give him my love, will you?

Abe

Sure thing.

Chris

Does he need someone to practice with?

Abe

He's been practicing already, that's why he has to get married.

Chris

Well compared to me, Abe, she would have to be an amateur.

Abe

People like you think the whole world is ****.

Chris

It's lucky for people like you it is!

Abe

How long?

Brick

Is what?

Abe

How long do you want the room for?

Brick

Three or four hours should be sufficient for my purposes.

Abe

We've got a nightclub, movies, swimming pool, steam room, massage table, discotheque, bridge, amateur night, and free blood tests every Wednesday.