Benji quotes from A Real Pain (2024)

Benji

We stay moving, we stay light, we stay agile.

David

Yeah.

Benji

The conductor's gonna come through taking tickets. We tell him we're going to the bathroom.

David

The bathroom. Okay.

Benji

He gets to the back of the train, he starts heading towards the front looking for stragglers.

David

Sorry, we're the stragglers?

Benji

Yeah. By the time he gets to the front, the train's gonna be in the station and we're home free.

David

This is so **** stupid.

Benji

Man, what's stupid is the corporatization of travel. Ensuring that the rich move around the world, propagate their elitist loins, while the poor stay cut off from society.

David

That's great, we can argue Marxism while they're hauling us off to Siberia.

Benji

Siberia is in Russia, Dave.

David

This is ridiculous. Tickets are probably like twelve bucks.

Benji

It's the principle of paying. We shouldn't have to pay for train tickets in Poland. This is our country.

David

No, it's not. It was our country. They kicked us out 'cause they thought we were cheap.

Benji

How the **** are we supposed to smoke a joint in here? They ****in' locked the windows. It's like a goddamn police state.

David

Yo, man, I think I might just wanna crash. We've been up for like twenty-four hours.

Benji

Don't. Don't tell me you're gonna sleep on me. This is our first night together in ****in' years.

David

I don't know. I'm exhausted, I haven't showered...

Benji

You're exhausted? Dude, the weed's gonna help you sleep.

David

Is it the kind that helps you sleep?

Benji

No, it's the other kind.

Marcia

David, we numb ourselves to avoid thinking about our impact.

Ignoring the proverbial slaughterhouse to enjoy the steak, as it were.

Benji

Yes, Eloge! Damn, that's a good analogy.

David

No, and I get that, I get all that, it just seems like maybe there's, like, a time and a place to grieve, and maybe it's not...

Benji

Yo, Dave.

David

What?

Benji

We're on a **** Holocaust tour. If now is not the time and place to grieve, to open up, I don't know what to tell you, man.

Marcia

Last year my daughter married a very rich man.

Benji

Oh, ****.

Marcia

And she's incapable of having a conversation with any depth anymore.

Benji

Well, yeah, of course. Money's like **** heroin for boring people.

Marcia

If I hear from my kids once a month, it's a shock.

Benji

Oh, Marcia. **** those guys. Man, I wouldn't miss a week.

Benji

You are, like, an awesome guy stuck inside the body of somebody who's always running late. And I gotta, like, fish that ****in' guy outta ya every time I see ya.

David

Thank you, I think.