Captain Jack Sparrow It's Captain Jack Sparrow. Captain. Captain Jack Sparrow Why is the rum gone? [after Elizabeth's rant] But why is the rum gone?! Captain Jack Sparrow You need to find yourself a girl, mate. Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you've already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?