Who's your lawyer?
We don't have a lawyer.
He specifically asked that his attorney be brought down here to negotiate his surrender.
Well, we never needed one.
Well, you need a good one now.
Get done in there, gotta hit this trick spot before the next bitch take my score.
Stu
Look go away!
Go away? Hang up the ****in' phone, ****!
Stu
This mother****er! You don't eyeball me! Bitch!
[Felicia walks away]
Goddammit, man! You done made me hurt my dick hand.
Stu
Ooooh! I'm sure you're just as good with the other hand.
Excuse me.
Stu
I'm tryna make a call here.
This is for you. Half pepperoni, Half mushroom, Extra crisp.
Stu
You ever heard of delivering a Pizza to a **** Phone Booth? I don't think so.
Gentleman occupying Phone Booth, 53rd between Broadway and 8th.
Stu
It's a mistake.
What am I supposed to do with the pie? It's all paid for?
Stu
Homeless guy just ran the block, give him the Pizza and say 'You can turn away from it but you can't make it go away', how's that?
But, they always...
Stu
GET OFF THE **** PIZZA, ALRIGHT?!
That language is uncalled for.
Stu
Holy shit. I'm sorry. Please return to sender. **** OFF! Here you go, $5, eat the pizza yourself, you look like you could use a good meal.
Stu
Stay the **** out of this
Who do you keep talking to on the phone?
Stu
Nobody
Your ah... your friend, your parent, your lover? Who?
The Caller
Careful, Stuart. Careful.
Stu
My psychiatrist.
The Caller
Excellent! I should have thought of that.
Stu
I already told you this is a private conversation. Now, what the **** do you want?
I just want you to know, that it's safe outside the booth.
The Caller
No, it's not.
Stu
Always get out of the booth. I like in the **** booth. It's my whole world now, this is my booth and I'm not coming out ever. You hear me? Never.
Stu
So you'd just whack me for no particular reason?
The Caller
Oh, I've got plenty of reasons. And you keep giving me more.
Stu
What did I do to deserve this, huh? Why me?
The Caller
If you have to ask, then you're not ready to know yet.
Stu
Where? Where are you?
The Caller
There are hundred of windows out there. Why don't you check them out?
Stu
You can see me right now?
The Caller
Uh-huh.
Stu
What am I doing?
The Caller
You're scratching your ear. Now you're brushing your hair back.
The Caller
That's not very nice, Stu.
Stu
You shoot a gun here there'll be pandemonium, cops will be swarming all over the block
The Caller
Think so? Let's see. One...
The Caller
Two. That won't help you. Three!
The Caller
Oh Stu, look at everybody... Look at all the people screaming, Stu. Here come the cops. Sniper on the roof. Gunfire. Hit the deck.
Stu
You shoot the guy, and I'm responsible?
The Caller
It looked that way from up here.
Stu
I don't know what I did to you, but whatever it was I'm glad. Alright, I wish it had been worse, I wish you had **** died.
The Caller
Yes! Finally some honesty.
The Caller
You think she didn't know she was being watched.
Stu
What?
The Caller
But beautiful women always know. That false indifference, superior air. It's just a tease. They want eyes on them. Why does she put on her make up? Do her hair? Dress so nicely? Not for her husband which she hardly ever sees, no, it's for somebody else to notice... I notice.
The Caller
And I wanted to **** her.
Stu
And I wanted to sleep with her.
The Caller
No, and I wanted to **** her. Say it. SAY IT!
Stu
And I wanted to **** her. I'm sorry.
Whatever you did, I don't care.
Please just... come out of the booth, OK?
Stu
That's all I did. That's all I did, I'm sorry.
Stu
Alright, I've done what you asked. That's it. I've had enough of this game.
The Caller
I haven't.
Stu
You said you'd let us go.
The Caller
I changed my mind.
Stu
You miserable ****! You can't do this... you can't do this to me. I took all your shit... I did everything you **** asked.
Stu
Alright, you lied to me. I've had enough of this game. I've **** had enough. You go **** yourself. Later.
[Hangs up]
The Caller
If only you had dealt with the man decently, this might not have been necessary.
Stu
I offered him money. I offered him my watch.
The Caller
But not your respect, which is what he really wanted. You were dismissive, just as you were to the nice pizza guy. You are guilty of inhumanity to your fellow man.
