Nick
Hal, come here. We have to talk.
Nick
Okay, honey... I want to know what you think about making Meredith part of the family.
A Annie
Part of our family?
Nick
Yeah.
A Annie
I think it's an awesome idea. Inspired. Brilliant, really.
Nick
You do? Really? You do?
A Annie
Totally, it's like a dream come true. I've always wanted a big sister.
Nick
Oh... um... Honey, I think you're kind of missing the point.
A Annie
No, I'm not. You're gonna adopt Meredith. That's so sweet, Dad!
Nick
No, I'm not going to adopt her... I'm going to marry her.
A Annie
[leaps from her seat]
Marry her?! That's insane! How can you marry a woman young enough to be my big sister?! [starts ranting in French] Mais tu plaisantes, j'espère. Meredith, ce n'est pas une fille pour toi. Mais c'est pas possible, je rêve. Qu'est-ce qui...
Nick Parker
Hal, Hal, Hal! Calm down, Hal! [beat] Are you speaking 'French?
A Annie
I... I learned it at camp. [takes a breath] Okay, I'm sorry. Let's discuss this calmly. Calmly and rationally.
Nick
Yeah, and in English, if you don't mind, right?
Nick
Sweetheart, what has gotten into you?
A Annie
Nothing, nothing, just... just... Dad, you can't get married! It'll totally ruin completely everything!
Nick
[she runs from the house]
Hal! Hal! Hallie!
Chessy
[he looks to Chessy, who appears at a window]
Don't look at me, I don't know a thing. [closes the windows]
Nick
Hello, Liz.
Elizabeth
Hello, Nick. Well, gosh. There you are. What do you know?
Nick
Is there something going on here that I should know about? Because I'm stunned to see you. But, ah, you don't seem as stunned to see me. I mean I haven't seen or heard from you in what, 10, 11 years? And all of sudden on the very day that ...
A Annie
[suddenly appearing, interrupting]
Dad, I can explain why she's here.
Nick
Hallie, you know who this is?
A Annie
Actually, yes. And actually, I'm not Hallie.
H Hallie
[suddenly appearing]
Actually, I am.
Nick
Both of them? Annie, Hallie?
A Annie
I guess you and Mum kind of think alike because you both sent us to the same camp, and we met there, and the whole thing just sort of spilled out.
Elizabeth
They switched places on us, Nick.
Nick
You mean I've had Annie with me all this time?
A Annie
Well, I wanted to know what you were like and Hallie wanted to know Mum and — are you angry?
Nick
Oh, honey, of course not. I just can't believe it's you. [they hug] Last time I saw you, you had diaper rash. You're all wet.
A Annie
That's all right.
Nick
Look at you!
A Annie
Well I'm quite grown up now and quite without a father.
H Hallie
And I'm headed into my crazy mixed up teenage years and I'll be the only girl I know without a mother to fight with.
Nick
Hallie, you've been in London all this time? [Hallie nods] Come here, squirt. [they hug]
H Hallie
Mom's amazing, Dad. I don't know how you ever let her go.
Elizabeth
Girls, why-why don't you let your father and I talk alone for a couple of minutes, okay?
Nick
What's going on?
Meredith
Here's what's going on, buddy: the day we get married is the day I ship those brats off to Switzerland, get the picture? It's me, or them. Take your pick.
Nick
Them.
Meredith
[Hallie and Annie stare at each other excitedly]
Excuse me?
Nick
T-H-E-M. Them. [staring into Meredith's face] Get the picture?
[Meredith screams angrily]
Elizabeth
[last lines] [thinking she is talking to her father, who has a newspaper up between them]
Hey stranger.
H Hallie
[puts down newspaper. then]
Hey Mom, did you know that the Concorde gets you here in half the time?
Elizabeth
[flustered]
Yes, I, I've heard that...
A Annie
[after Hallie surprises Elizabeth and Annie by arriving in London and showing up at their home before Elizabeth and Annie do]
What are you doing here?
H Hallie
It took us abound 30 seconds after you guys left for us to realize we didn't want to lose you two again.
Elizabeth
We?
Nick
[walking in from another room]
We. I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Lizzie. I'm not going to do that again no matter how brave you are.
Elizabeth
And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees, and fall into your arms, and cry hysterically. And say we'll just figure this whole thing out. A bi-continental relationship with our daughters being raised here and there. And. And, you and I just picking up where we left off and growing old together. And... and... come on, Nick, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?
Nick
Yes. To all of the above. Except you don't have to cry hysterically.
Elizabeth
[with tears in her eyes]
Oh, yes I do. [they kiss]
H Hallie
[Annie and Hallie are happy to see their parents back together] [leaning against a wall]
We actually did it.
