Marriage is buying a house for someone you hate.
Jackson Healy
So I did something about it. I acted. I didn't plan to, I didn't, you know. I just did it. I took that guy out. I didn't even get paid for it. So I ended up with a bullet in the bicep and 500 bucks of hospital bills. It was stupid, really. When I think about it, it was the best day of my life.
We can't talk to you. We're dead.
No I— Yeah I get it. You know. I think it's very clever. I'm hip. But this is actually a really serious matter.
So is this! We've all been killed!
No you haven't.
**** you man, we're dead!
Bystander [smoking] They can't talk to you man, they're dead.
Healy
What's the protest about, do you know?
Any of you know why you're protesting?
The air!
Air.
You are protesting the air?
The pollution! The birds can't breathe!
Healy
So all of you died 'cause of the pollution?
Right.
Healy
What about the gas masks? They didn't... save you?
This is ****... Alright!
****er!
Sorry. I thought you were dead.
Healy
So, you know the old lady, right? Did you believe her?
What about?
Healy
When she said she saw Misty alive that night, did you believe her?
God, no. She's blind as a bat.
Healy
Uh-huh.
She has actual coke bottles for glasses. You paint a mustache on a Volkswagen, she says, "Boy, that Omar Sharif sure runs fast."
Healy
The place reeks of marijuana. They're smoking it.
I can't smell.
Healy
What?
I got hit in the head a while back. I lost my sense of smell.
Healy
You can't smell?
Yeah.
Healy
You're a detective, and you can't smell?
Yeah.
Healy
Aw, this just keeps getting better and better.
Wow, that's really insensitive.
Healy
You didn't fall down the **** hill, did you? Did you fall down the hill?
I had, like, two, three drinks, tops.
Healy
Yeah, that's why you can't walk straight.
Oh, excuse me. I'm carrying a dead body and I have his schwantz in my face. So, I'm sorry I'm not Bakishnarov.
Healy
You can't even say Baryshnikov.
I was in the pool.
Healy
You were in the pool?
Yeah.
Healy
Why?
I had to question the mermaids. What were you doing while I was working?
Healy
Hey, that's where I know you from, right? The TV. You're prosecuting that car company thing.
The lawsuit for the catalytic converter. Yes. That's half my day. The other half I spend on pornography.
Healy
Hmm.
What kind? Like which films? What's your favorite?
Healy
No, no. Uh, anti. Anti-porn.
Right.
Healy
Like a crusader.
Guys, listen. You don't go up there, all right? Trust me. These New York guys are up there. Uh, business guys. They got **** bodyguards. Kind of had their balls removed. What's that called? Huh?
Healy
Marriage?
Healy
John Boy. Oh, just something that Blueface mentioned, yeah.
What do you mean, he mentioned? Mentioned how?
Healy
Oh, you know, he... "There's a guy coming to kill you." That kind of crap. Yeah.
We should probably just stay here.
Healy
Smart move.
Healy
Unless, of course, he's up there killing her right now.
Nobody's getting killed at the Burbank Airport Hotel.
Healy
Because?
That would be national news.
Healy
Yeah, so?
Oh, so when's the last time you were on national news?
Healy
February.
Really?
Healy
Yeah.
For what?
Healy
I got shot, in a diner.
Where?
Healy
In my arm. I told you this last night.
We should call the cops.
Healy
No. It'll take too long.
You just said it was the right move to stay down here.
Healy
No, I said smart move. Different.
Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt.
Healy
People got hurt.
I'm saying, I think they died quickly. So I don't think they got hurt.
To the birds?
Healy
Hallelujah!
