The Nice Guys (2016) quotes

View Quote 1 Party Girl: All I told him was that if you want me to do that, then don't eat the asparagus.

View Quote Bartender: Guys, listen. You don't go up there, all right? Trust me. These New York guys are up there. Uh, business guys. They got **** bodyguards. Kind of had their balls removed. What's that called? Huh?
Healy: Marriage?

View Quote Healy: Hey, that's where I know you from, right? The TV. You're prosecuting that car company thing.
Kuttner: The lawsuit for the catalytic converter. Yes. That's half my day. The other half I spend on pornography.
Healy: Hmm.
March: What kind? Like which films? What's your favorite?
Healy: No, no. Uh, anti. Anti-porn.
March: Right.
Healy: Like a crusader.

View Quote Healy: John Boy. Oh, just something that Blueface mentioned, yeah.
March: What do you mean, he mentioned? Mentioned how?
Healy: Oh, you know, he... "There's a guy coming to kill you." That kind of crap. Yeah.
March: We should probably just stay here.
Healy: Smart move.
Healy: [pauses] Unless, of course, he's up there killing her right now.
March: Nobody's getting killed at the Burbank Airport Hotel.
Healy: Because?
March: That would be national news.
Healy: Yeah, so?
March: Oh, so when's the last time you were on national news?
Healy: February.
March: Really?
Healy: Yeah.
March: For what?
Healy: I got shot, in a diner.
March: Where?
Healy: In my arm. I told you this last night.
March: We should call the cops.
Healy: No. It'll take too long.
March: You just said it was the right move to stay down here.
Healy: No, I said smart move. Different.

View Quote Healy: So, you know the old lady, right? Did you believe her?
March: What about?
Healy: When she said she saw Misty alive that night, did you believe her?
March: God, no. She's blind as a bat.
Healy: Uh-huh.
March: She has actual coke bottles for glasses. You paint a mustache on a Volkswagen, she says, "Boy, that Omar Sharif sure runs fast."

View Quote Healy: The place reeks of marijuana. They're smoking it.
March: I can't smell.
Healy: What?
March: I got hit in the head a while back. I lost my sense of smell.
Healy: You can't smell?
March: Yeah.
Healy: You're a detective, and you can't smell?
March: Yeah.
Healy: Aw, this just keeps getting better and better.
March: Wow, that's really insensitive.

View Quote Healy: You didn't fall down the **** hill, did you? Did you fall down the hill?
March: I had, like, two, three drinks, tops.
Healy: Yeah, that's why you can't walk straight.
March: Oh, excuse me. I'm carrying a dead body and I have his schwantz in my face. So, I'm sorry I'm not Bakishnarov.
Healy: You can't even say Baryshnikov.

View Quote Holland March: Jesus Christ! One at a time!
Janet: You took the Lord's name in vain.
Holland March: No I didn't, Janet. I found it very useful actually. Ok, Janet?

View Quote Holland March: [to Holly] You're supposed to be at Jessica's.
Jessica: Yeah, sorry, Mr. March. My sister kicked us out. She's having a guy over.
Holland March: Your sister's such a slut.
Jessica: Yeah, I know.

View Quote Holly March: Dad, there's like whores here and stuff.
Holland March: Sweetheart, how many times have I told you? Don't say "and stuff". Just say "dad, there are whores here".

View Quote Holly March: You're the world's worst detective.
Holland March: I'm the worst?
Holly March: Yeah!
Holland March: The world's worst?

View Quote Holly March: [Healy is waiting outside] Why don't we invite him in?
Holland March: No animals in the house, sweetheart.

View Quote Kid on Bike: You guys wanna see my dick?
March: Nobody wants to see your dick, dude.
Kid on Bike: 20 bucks?
March: We already paid you 20... what am I saying?

View Quote Kuttner: My name is Judith Kuttner. I work for the Department of Justice.
March: Okay. Well, that explains basically nothing.

View Quote March: I was in the pool.
Healy: You were in the pool?
March: Yeah.
Healy: Why?
March: I had to question the mermaids. What were you doing while I was working?