Chris You don't really like wearing that stuff, do you Dad?
Mrs. Doubtfire
Robin Williams · 13 quotes
Daniel
Robin Williams · 8 quotes
Frank
Harvey Fierstein · 3 quotes
Miranda
Sally Field · 3 quotes
Mrs. Doubtfire quotes
Page 2 of 2 Chris Oh my god! oh my god! The whole time? The whole time? THE WHOLE TIME?! I have to go. We have to leave now. We have to go. I have to leave. We have to leave.
How about we take a vacation, take the kids, get you away from work, you'll see that you're a different person. You are. You're great.
But our problems would be waiting for us when we got back.
Well we'll move, and hopefully our problems won't follow us.
Daniel, please don't joke. We're far apart. We're different. We have nothing in common.
Sure we do. We love each other... We love each other... Don't we?
I want a divorce.
What kind of idiot kept this guy on the air of twenty-five years?
Jonathan Lundy Me.
I'm Daniel Hillard, former employee.
Jonathan Lundy Maybe...
[on the phone with his mother Evelyn; to Daniel, his brother]
She wants to know if you wanna come stay with her.
[Daniel returns his Mrs. Doubtfire mask after it's been run over by a garbage truck from falling out of his bedroom window] [holds up flattened mask]
Had a little accident.
[hands him another one]
Would you be careful with this one? She's an old woman. [to himself after Daniel leaves] Why wasn't I an only child?
Alan Brady
[The kids are watching The Dick Van **** Show on the television]
Here it is, Mel, $1,000 worth of hair. What am I supposed to do with it?
Melvin Cooley
Alan, I was wondering if...
Alan Brady
You want one of them? I'd rather make a coat for my wife. [pokes a head mannequin off the table] Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!
All right, everyone. It's time to expand your minds. It's homework time. Okay?
Lydia Yeah, but after Dick Van ****.
No. Now. [turns off the TV]
Lydia [turns the TV back on with the remote control]
No. We always watch Dick Van ****. [sets it down]
[picks it up, calmly]
Really? Well- [tosses the remote into the air; it lands behind her in the fish tank] Not anymore. The only thing you'll be watching is Deep Sea N N. [turns to the kids, who are wide-eyed] Now! I know you're used to loosey-goosey, but I run a much tighter ship. Between the hours of 3 p.m. and 7 p.m., I'm in charge, and when I'm in charge, you will follow a schedule. Those who do not follow the schedule will be punished.
Nattie
Punished?
Lydia She's lying. She'd never punish us.
[evilly]
Don't...fuss with me.
[Cut to Chris wiping the door frame, Nattie polishing the silver and Lydia vacuuming; Lydia gives Mrs. Doubtfire an "I hate you" look as Mrs. Doubtfire sits on the couch reading the paper and sipping iced tea]
[Daniel and Lundy have been watching a long-running TV show filming another episode. The host speaks slowly, in a near-monotone voice, and the show is so boring that the camera operators are close to falling asleep]
Which one's the dinosaur?
Lundy The one in the middle, I think.
Nah, you're wrong. They're all extinct. [Lundy chuckles] I can't believe they're still subjecting kids to this. This is insane. They should have a little disclaimer that says, "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show." It's incredible. This guy used to put me to sleep when I was a kid. That's amazing. He has the warmth of a snow pea. He makes Mr. Rogers look like Mick Jagger. It's insane. [scoffs] What kind of idiot kept this guy on the air for 25 years?
Lundy Me.
You?
Lundy [offering his hand]
Jonathan Lundy.
Jonathan Lundy, general manager, owner? [Lundy nods] I'm Daniel Hillard, former employee.
Lundy Ah, maybe.
[chuckles]
That was funny. Listen, I don't mean to criticize. I just, you know...Sometimes I have...
Lundy Criticize all you want. Show's terrible. I'm gonna cancel it. It's pulling down the whole afternoon schedule. It's gone.
You know what you gotta do?
Lundy What?
Just start from scratch. Give it kind of a... Maybe a musical number. You know, imagine a little Tyrannosaurus rex comes out, you know-
Tony
[Tony appears from behind Mr. Lundy and Daniel]
Hillard! Get your ass to the truck, that shipment's gotta make a 6:00 flight to L.A.! [referring to the stack of film canisters Daniel is supposed to bring to the shipping department]
Tony, this is Mr. Lundy.
Lundy [Tony walks away]
He knows who I am.
Yeah. Did you ever wish you could freeze-frame a single moment in your day, look at it and say, "this is not my life"? [Leaves]