The usual vault rules apply: Touch not, lest ye be touched.
You're such an anal retentive bastard.
Hey, I tried to teach you how to handle comics in the sixth grade, but, oh, no. You wanted to play little league instead.
Like it? I framed it before you got here.
Oh my God, Rene dumped you!
Hell hath no fear like a woman scorned for Sega.
Wow, look at this long list of complaints; no sense of direction, no college ambition, no job prospect--
Yeah, and it also says I have no dick, but you'll see that follows the financial aspect which proves once more what women really look for in a guy.
Whoa, she calls you callow in here.
You say that like it's bad.
Well, it means frightened and weak-willed.
Really? Shit, that was the only part of the letter that I thought was complimentary.
Well, you're lucky, because unlike you, I didn't get a letter with all those obscure adjectives.
What are you talking about?
Just like you, now I'm in the framing business.
Holy shit, Brandi dumped you. Wait a sec. Aren't you two supposed to be going to Florida together?
Yeah, she left this morning, but it gets worse; I was going to propose to her.
Where?
Universal tour.
You're kidding! What part?
When Jaws popped out of the water.
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.
Too bad I'm not trying to marry you.
Tell me, did you ever fart in front of her?
I never farted in front of Rene. Not once. Last week, I let one slip and today she dumps me.
You think that's the reason she dumped you? C'mon, Rene's not the shallow type. You're not insinuating--
She was going down on me at the time.
Shut up.
What? What can I say, I was feeling very relaxed, when I feel relaxed I squirt.
If all she did was dump you, you got off light.
I can't believe this shit. Why are we sitting here trying to figure out where we went wrong with our significant others?
No, there is something out there that can help us ease our simultaneous double loss.
What? Ritual suicide?
No, you idiot, the **** mall!
I prefer ritual suicide.
Oh come on, man, it'll be great. They have these new cookies at the cookie stand. You have to try 'em, they're awesome.
