Olive
Hi, Uncle Frank!
Frank
Oh, hey, Olive. Wow, you're getting big, almost like a real person.
Scenes with Olive
9 scenes Olive
Frank
Olive
[Discussing Frank's attempted suicide]
Why did you want to kill yourself?
Richard
No, don't answer the question, Frank.
Sheryl
Richard...
Richard
Don't answer it. He's not going to answer the question.
Frank
I wanted to kill myself because I was very unhappy..
Richard
He's sick! He is a sick man! He's sick in his head!
Sheryl
Richard!
Richard
I'm sorry, I don't think it's an appropriate conversation for a seven year-old.
Sheryl
Well, she's going to find out anyway.
Richard
Okay.
Sheryl
Go on, Frank.
Olive
Why were you unhappy?
Frank
There were a lot of reasons, mainly though I fell in love with someone who didn't love me back.
Olive
Who?
Frank
One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him.
Olive
Him? It was a boy? You fell in love with a boy?
Frank
Yes, I did. Very much so.
Olive
That's silly.
Frank
Yes, you're right. It was very, very silly.
Edwin
[under his breath]
There's another word for it.
Richard
Dad.
Olive
So that's when you tried to kill yourself.
Frank
Well, no, the boy that I was in love with fell in love with another man. Larry Sugarman.
Sheryl
Who's Larry Sugarman?
Frank
Larry Sugarman is perhaps the second most highly regarded Proust scholar in the U.S.
Richard
Who's number one?
Frank
That would be me, Rich.
Olive
So that's when...
Frank
No, uh, what happened was I was a bit upset, so I said some things that I shouldn't have said and did some things that I shouldn't have done, and subsequently I was fired from my job and forced to move out of my apartment and into a motel.
Edwin
[blows his nose]
Olive
And that's when you..'
Frank
Well, no. Actually, all of that was...okay, what happened was, two days ago the MacArthur Foundation, in its infinite wisdom, awarded a genius grant to Larry Sugarman. And that's when I...
Edwin
Decided to check out early.
Frank
Yes. Yes. And I failed at that as well.
Olive
I practice everyday.
Frank
Well, then, good luck.
Richard
It's not about luck, Frank. Luck is the name losers give to their own failings. It's about wanting to win.
Olive
Grandpa, am I pretty?
Edwin
Olive, you are the most beautiful girl in the whole world.
Olive
You're just saying that.
Edwin
No! I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality. It's because you're beautiful, inside and out.
Olive
Grandpa?
Edwin
Yeah?
Olive
[tearfully]
I don't wanna be a loser.
Edwin
You're not a loser. Where'd you get the idea you're a loser?
Olive
[breaking down]
Because... Daddy hates losers.
Grandpa
Whoa whoa whoa, back up a minute. D'you know what a loser is? A real loser is someone who's so afraid of not winning, they don't even try. Now you're trying, right?
Olive
[tearfully]
Yeah?
Edwin
Well then you're not a loser! We're gonna have fun tomorrow, right?
Olive
[more cheerfully]
Yeah. [takes her glasses off; wipes her eyes]
Edwin
We can tell 'em all to go to hell.
Olive
Mom? Dad?
Richard
[half asleep]
What is it, hon?
Olive
Grandpa won't wake up.
Olive
[going over eye test pamphlets]
Mom, Dwayne's got 20/20 vision!
Sheryl
I bet he does.
Olive
Now, let's see if you're colorblind.
Olive
[Olive opens the pamphlet]
What's the letter in the circle?
Olive
[Dwayne looks confused]
The letter in the circle?
Frank
Can you see a letter, Dwayne?
Olive
It's an "A". See? Right there?
Frank
It's bright green.
Frank
[Dwayne scribbles anxiously on his notepad "What?"]
Dwayne, I think you might be colorblind.
Frank
[pause, Dwayne holds up his notepad again]
You can't fly jets if you're colorblind.
Dwayne
[Dwayne immediately falls into an emotional breakdown; Frank, Olive and Sheryl all yell for Richard to pull over the vehicle; Dwayne springs from the stopped van into an empty field] [yelling]
****!!!!!! ****!!!!! [he collapses, screaming and sobbing, after breaking his nine-month vow of silence]
Sheryl
What happened?
Frank
He's colorblind. He can't fly.
Sheryl
Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. [waits several moments, then approaches Dwayne] Dwayne? Dwayne, honey, I'm sorry. Dwayne, come on. We have to go.
Dwayne
I'm not going.
Sheryl
Dwayne.
Dwayne
I said I'm not, okay? I don't care, I'm not getting on that bus again.
Sheryl
Dwayne, for better or worse, we're your family.
Dwayne
[stands up]
No, you're not my family, okay? I don't want to be your family! I hate you **** people! I hate you! [points to Sheryl, Richard, and Frank as he shouts] Divorce, bankrupt, suicide?! You're **** losers! You are losers!
Sheryl
[whispers]
Dwayne.
Dwayne
[begins to cry again]
No, please just leave me here, Mom. Okay? Please, please. Please just leave me here.
Olive
Do you eat ice cream?
Miss California
Yes. My favorite is Cherry Chocolate Garcia, except technically I think it's a frozen yogurt.
Olive
I'd like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves.
Pageant MC
Aww, that is so sweet.
Pageant MC
[Audience applauds]
Is he here? Where's your grandpa right now?
Olive
In the trunk of our car.
