Legally Blonde 2001 quotes

David

I called your room last night; I was wondering if we could go out some time.

No.

David

Why?

Because you're a dork. Girls like me don't go out with guys like you.

Elle

Excuse me. [turns around and slaps David] Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together, and I haven't heard from you since.

David

I'm sorry?

Elle

Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?

David

Both?

Elle

Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.

So, when did you wanna go out?

Elle

Warner, what kind of shoes are these?

Warner Huntington III

Um.... black ones.

Elle

Chutney, why is it that Tracy Marcinko's curls were ruined when she got hosed down?

Chutney Windham

Because they got wet.

Elle

Exactly. Because isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least twenty-four hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?

Chutney Windham

Yes.

Elle

And wouldn't somebody who's had, say, thirty perms before in their life be well aware of this rule? And if in fact, you weren't washing your hair, as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot? And if in fact, you had heard the gunshot, Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which would mean that you would have had to found Mrs. Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible. Isn't that right?

Chutney Windham

She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your age?

Elle

You, however, had time to hide the gun, didn't you, Chutney? After you shot your father.

Chutney Windham

I didn't mean to shoot him! [points at Brooke] I thought it was YOU walking through the door!

Order, order! Order!

Elle

Oh, my god.

Brooke

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Bailiff, take the witness into custody where she will be charged for the murder of Heyworth Windham. In the matter of The State vs. Brooke Windham, this case is dismissed. Mrs. Windham, you are free to go.
[Courtroom audience cheers. Guards grab Miss Windham by the arm and arrest her.]

Elle

Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.

Paulette

Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.

Elle

I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.

Well, then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.

Elle

Okay.

And a heck of an admissions essay.

Elle

Right.

And at least a 175 on your LSATs.

Elle

I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me; I can handle anything.

Elle

I'm reading about the LSATs.

Serena

My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your....

Elle

Oh, Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?

Warner Huntington III

Uh, yeah.... [Vivian gives him an evil look] no.

Elle

Well, this is so much better than that! Excuse me; I have some shopping to do.

Vivian

Four hours, huh?

Elle

So, if you don't know an answer, they're just gonna kick you out?

Emmett

So, you have Stromwell, huh?

Elle

Yes. Did she do that to you, too?

Emmett

No, but she did make me cry once.... not in class — I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah, she'll kick you right in the balls.... or wherever.

Emmett

Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?

Enrique Salvatore

Yes.

Emmett

Where?

Enrique Salvatore

A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.

Emmett

How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?

Enrique Salvatore

Three months.

Emmett

And your boyfriend's name is....?

Enrique Salvatore

Chuck.

Emmett

Right.

Enrique Salvatore

Pardon me; pardon me.

Emmett

Yes, Mr. Salvatore?

Enrique Salvatore

I was confused. I thought you said “friend”. Chuck is just a friend.

Emmett

Oh.

Chuck

YOU BITCH!

Enrique

Chuck, wait!

Margot

You'll need this.

Elle

Your scrunchie?

Margot

My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.

Serena

You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap-dance after the final.

Margot

Yeah – luckily.

Professor Callahan

Would you rather have a client who committed a crime malum in se or malum prohibitum?

Elle

Neither.

Professor Callahan

And why's that?

Elle

I would rather have a client who's innocent.

Professor Callahan

Dare to dream, Miss Woods. Miss Kensington, which would you prefer?

Vivian

Malum prohibitum, because then the client would have committed a regulatory infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime.

Professor Callahan

Well done, Miss Kensington. It's obvious you've done your homework. Now, let's look at malum prohibitum a little more closely. It has been said-- [Elle raises her hand] Yes, Miss Woods?

Elle

I changed my mind. I'll take the dangerous one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge.

Serena

Oh, my God, there she is! Elle!

Margot

Elle, we came to see your trial!

Serena

Oh, look! How cute! There's, like, a judge and everything.... and jury people.

Margot

Vote for Elle!

The Honorable Marina R. Bickford

Ladies, take a seat!

Vivian

Nice costume.

Elle

You, too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

Vivian

You know, I'm still shocked that you didn't give Callahan the alibi.

Elle

It wasn't my alibi to tell.

Vivian

I know, I thought that was very... classy of you.

Vivian

You know, when he first applied for Harvard, he got wait-listed. He got in because his father had to make a call.
[Elle was shocked by this because she got in with a convincing video essay, while Warner had to be put in a waiting list for transfer students.]