Gary "Eggsy" Unwin Oi! Dean!
Most-quoted character in Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015): in 19 of its 34 quotes
Most scenes with: Harry Hart/Galahad (5), Michelle Unwin (4), Dean (4)
Rox. Rox, I need a favour. Call my mum. Tell her to lock herself away from Dean.
More lines from Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
6 quotes Gary "Eggsy" Unwin Gary "Eggsy" Unwin Merlin, remember those implants you said were of no use to us? Any chance you can turn them on?
Gary "Eggsy" Unwin Merlin, you're a **** genius!
Gary "Eggsy" Unwin [After watching Valentine shoot Harry via live stream]
NO!!!
Gary "Eggsy" Unwin One of these days, I'm gonna smash his face in.
Gary "Eggsy" Unwin [After swapping brandy glasses with Arthur and leaving him a poisoned one]
The problem with us common types is that we're light-fingered. Kingsman's taught me a lot, but sleight of hand...I had that down already.
Scenes with Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
12 scenes
Eggsy? Eggsy, come here. Got any Rizla, babe?
Eggsy No.
Why'd you do your mum a favour, go down to the shop and get some.
Eggsy Get 'em yourself.
[Looks up at Eggsy sternly]
Oi. What have I said to you about speaking to Dean like that?
Eggsy Three's a crowd, isn't it? Why don't Dean's poodle go?
I'll tell you what. [Dean takes some cash out of his pocket and hands it to Eggsy] Why don't you take this, go and get some Rizla's, get yourself some sweets. And while you're gone, we'll show your mum how three can be good company.
Eggsy One of these days, I'm going to smash his face in.
Jamal
Are you mental, cuz? [Points to Dean's thugs] He'd just get that lot to do you and then pretend he knew nothing... about it.
Rottweiler
Oi! You think you can chat shit about us and we won't do nothing just because our governor's banging Eggsy's mum?
Eggsy Pretty much, yeah.
Jamal
[As Dean's thugs get up from their table one by one and head to the table that Eggsy, Jamal and Ryan are sitting at]
Bruv, let's just go, man. It's not worth it.
Rottweiler
You boys have outstayed your welcome. Leave.
Eggsy [Eggsy stands up to face Rottweiler]
I'm sorry about that, bruv.
Ryan
[Eggsy and his friends leave the pub]
They weren't **** worth it, boys.
Jamal
It's freezing. Why are we walking?
Jamal
[Eggsy holds out Rottweiler's car keys]
You jacked his **** car keys, bruv?
Eggsy Yeah. Now we're going to nick his car. Come on.
Rottweiler
[Eggsy, Ryan and Jamal get into Rottweiler's car] [Rottweiler, still inside the pub, turns to see the engine of his car revving outside]
Hold on, boys. [Rottweiler gets up and goes outside and sees Eggsy, Ryan and Jamal joyriding in his car]
Rottweiler
OI, THAT'S MY **** CAR! OI! OI! EGGSY! THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WANT TO **** STOP IT! YOU'RE A **** DEAD MAN! STOP IT! [Eggsy hoots with joy while in the car]
Rottweiler
I'm going to **** have you!
Ryan
[Eggsy, Jamal and Ryan laugh and throw finger gestures at Rottweiler]
Floor it, Eggsy!
Rottweiler
[Eggsy drives off with Rottweiler watching. Rottweiler gets out his phone and calls Dean]
Yeah, yeah, Dean, look, it's me. Eggsy just stole my **** car, yeah. Yeah, I've come out of the pub, he's done about 15 doughnuts in my **** face and he's drove off. No I can't have it! He's disrespecting me and that means he's disrespecting you.
Jamal
Foxes are vermin, cuz. Should've driven it over.
Eggsy Should've done a lot of things. I'll sort this. Get out of the car.
Eggsy [Ryan and Jamal look at Eggsy for a second]
I SAID GET OUT OF THE **** CAR!
[Ryan and Jamal get out of the car. Eggsy drives it into the police car that was following them]
Eggsy [Having got Eggsy off a car theft charge, Harry talks with him in the pub]
So before you was a tailor, was you in the Army? Like an officer?
Not quite.
Eggsy So where was you posted - Iraq or something?
Sorry, Eggsy. Classified.
Eggsy But my dad saved your life, yeah?
The day your father died, I missed something. And if it weren't for his courage, my mistake would have cost the lives of every man present. So I owe him. Your father was a brave man. A good man. And having read your files, I'd think he'd be bitterly disappointed in the choices you've made.
Eggsy [angry]
You can't talk to me like that-!
Huge I.Q., great performance in primary school. And it all went tits up. Drugs, petty crime, never had a job.
Eggsy Do you think there's a lot of jobs going around here, yeah?
Doesn't explain why you gave up your hobbies. First prize, regional under tens' gymnastics, two years in a row. Your coach had you pegged as Olympic team material.
Eggsy Yeah, well, when you grow up around someone like my stepdad, you pick up new hobbies pretty quick.
Of course. Always someone else's fault. Who's to blame you for quitting the Marines? You were halfway through training, doing brilliantly, but you gave up.
Eggsy Because my mum went mental, banging on about losing me as well as my dad! Didn't want me being cannon fodder for snobs like you, judging people like me from your ivory towers with no thought about why we do what we do! We ain't got much choice, you get me? And if we was born with the same silver spoon up our arses, we'd do just as well as you, if not better.
[Eggsy returns home after watching the fight between Harry and Dean's thugs in the pub. Michelle turns to see Eggsy, then turns back to look at Dean before getting up from the couch to warn Eggsy about Dean]
Eggsy. Just go please, because he's going to...
[Dean gets up from the couch and suddenly jabs Eggsy against the fridge and then lands a punch on Eggsy's stomach, causing Eggsy to groan in pain] [Places her hands on Dean's shoulder]
No, please! Don't hurt him! [Dean turns his attention away from Eggsy towards Michelle and grabs Michelle by the throat]
**** off! [Dean pushes Michelle away] Get the **** away! Shut the **** up! [Dean turns his attention back to Eggsy] Who was with you in that **** pub? I want to know the name of the geezer you was with!
Eggsy I wasn't with no one!
Eggsy I don't know what you're on about.
Eggsy I don't know who you're **** on about!
**** tell me his name!
Eggsy I don't know who you're **** on about!
[As the struggle between Eggsy and Dean continues, Harry overhears it through a mic that he placed on Eggsy's shoulder]
You listen to me! I want to know who was with you in that pub. Do you understand? I want to know his **** name! Because, I swear, I'll rip your mouth! [Slaps Eggsy again as Harry hears] Tell me!
Eggsy I don't know who you're **** on about!
Tell me!
Just tell him, Eggsy!
[Dean picks up a meat cleaver and shoves it in Michelle's face]
**** off! **** off, Michelle! [Dean threatens Eggsy with the meat cleaver] I could kill you right now and no one in the whole world will notice!
But I would. I have enough evidence on your activities to have you locked up for the rest of your life, Mr Dean Anthony Baker.
What the ****?
So I suggest you leave the boy alone, or I shall be forced to deliver it to the appropriate authorities. [Dean puts the meat cleaver down]
Eggsy, meet me at the tailor I told you about.
What the ****'s going on here?
Eggsy [[Eggsy wakes up, tied to a railroad track. He sees the Interrogator approach him with a knife in hand]
Who the **** are you? Where am I?
The Interrogator
This knife can save your life.
Eggsy [Eggsy suddenly notices a train approaching] [Struggling to get out of the ropes]
****!
The Interrogator
My employer's got two questions for you, Eggsy. What the **** is Kingsman? And who is Harry Hart?
Eggsy I don't know who the **** that is! Shit!
The Interrogator
Oh, Eggsy, I just killed two of your friends who gave me the same bullshit answer!
Eggsy ****! Just cut the **** ropes, please!
The Interrogator
Hey, Eggsy, is Kingsman worth dying for?
Eggsy [Eggsy watches the train getting closer.]
**** YOOOOOOU!
[Eggsy sustains the "you" as the train passes over him. He discovers that the section dropped down before impact. Harry arrives at the scene]
Congratulations. Bloody well done.
Eggsy How'd the others do?
Roxy passed with flying colours. Charlie's up next. Want to watch?
Eggsy Yeah. Alright.
The Interrogator
[Cuts to Charlie tied to the same tracks, The Interrogator standing over him.]
Is Kingsman worth dying for?
Charlie
No it **** isn't! Shit! I'll tell you what you want, please! Chester King's Arthur! Arthur's head of the secret spy agency! It's called Kingsman! Get me out of here!
The Interrogator
Thank you, Charlie. Much appreciated.
Charlie
[He walks away.]
No, that wasn't the **** deal! FUUUUUUUCK!
Arthur
[Train passes over Charlie and the section he's tied to drops down. Section rises as Arthur arrives at the scene.]
I've had such high hopes for you. You're a bloody disgrace.
Charlie
I'm so sorry. Please untie me.
Arthur
Untie yourself.
Charlie
[Arthur walks away.]
Arth- Arthur, please. Shit. Anyone!
[Merlin, Harry, Eggsy, Roxy, and Percival observe the scene in the control room.]
Galahad, Percival, congratulations. Your candidates have reached the final stage of the testing process. As tradition allows, you will have 24 hours to spend with them. Eggsy, you should know your father reached this point. From now on, there are no safety nets. Understood?
[The Kingsman agents and candidates leave the room. Merlin turns around and turns on the loudspeaker at the railway.]
Charlie. Time to go home.
Charlie
**** you! **** Dad's going to hear about this!
Eggsy [Eggsy checks on Daisy]
Oh my days, look how big you've grown!
Eggsy [Eggsy's smile fades when he sees a black eye on Michelle's face] [Referring to Dean]
Where is he?
I'm fine. Eggsy, please, please, just don't get involved.
Eggsy No, I should've never left you on your own. This stops right now. I'll be right back.
Eggsy...
Eggsy [Eggsy drives the taxi to the pub where Dean and his thugs are]
Oi! Dean!
Oh, Mugsy. So you're back. What, you've gone and nicked a **** taxi now?
Eggsy Yeah. Can I have a word about my mum's black eye?
You want to have a word with me? You get out of that cab, I'll knock you straight back down on your **** arse.
Eggsy Tell your muppets to go inside, then I'll get out.
South Glade Mission Church. Merlin, get the plane ready.
Will do.
Eggsy I am so sorry, I'm gonna do every...
You should be. You just stay right there, I'll sort this mess out when I get back.
Church Leader
[Harry is in a hate group church]
And I say to you, bear witness! Watch the news. Watch the news. AIDS! Floods! The blood of the innocent, spilled! And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God. Our filthy government condones sodomy, divorce, abortion! And yet, some still doubt this is the work of the Antichrist! You do not have to be a Jew, a ****, a whore or an atheistic, science-loving evolution spouter...
Church Leader
So, my friends, although he is a just God, he is just a vengeful one and there can be no turning back from the almighty wrath...
Gazelle
Are you sure we're out of range?
Valentine
We're over 1,000 feet away. What's wrong?
Gazelle
What if the calculations are wrong?
Valentine
You just have to trust me.
Church Leader
...Jew, ****, **** lovers, and the devil is burning them for all eternity.
Would you excuse me?
Church Blonde Woman
Where are you going? [Harry tries to leave the church] Hey! What's your problem?
I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.
Valentine
Oh, shit. He's leaving. I'm starting the test now. Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards.
Church Leader
[continuing his sermon]
I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend!
Church Blonde Woman
Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies! You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!
Eggsy [Harry, under the effects of the test, shoots the woman and everyone in the church attacks each other] [remotely watching]
Holy ****!
Valentine
Oh, shit, I can't watch this. Get over here.
Eggsy Aren't you that princess who went missing?
Princess Tilde
Let me out of here.
Eggsy If I do, will you give me a kiss? I've always wanted to kiss a princess.
Princess Tilde
I'll give you more than just a kiss.
Eggsy [Just as Eggsy goes to open the door, Valentine tells Eggsy over the loudspeaker he's still alive]
Sorry love, but I've got to save the world.
Princess Tilde
If you save the world, we can do it in the arsehole.
Eggsy [monotone voice]
I'll be right back.
[Eggsy is in Harry's home after failing Kingsman selection and stealing Arthur's car]
You throw away your biggest opportunity over a **** dog. And then you humiliate me by stealing my boss' car.
Eggsy [to Hart]
You shot a dog just to get a job?!
Yes. [walking into toilet where there is a stuffed dog on the mantelpiece] And Mr Pickle here reminds me of that, every time I take a shit.
Eggsy You shot your dog and had it stuffed? You **** freak!
No, I shot my dog, brought him home, and continued to care for him for the next 11 years until he died of pancreatitis!
Eggsy What?
It was a blank, Eggsy. It was a **** blank. Remember Amelia?
Eggsy Yeah.
She didn't drown. She works in our tech department in Berlin. She's fine. Limits must be tested. A Kingsman only condones the risking of one life to save another.
Eggsy My dad might have saved your life, even though your ****-up cost his? What, you've got him stuffed here and all?
Can't you see that everything I've done has been about trying to repay him?
Eggsy I know this bloke who's taken over a tailor shop on Saville Row. It's given me a job, Mum. Comes with a lot of perks. Including a house. Come and live with me there, Mum. Come on.
[Michelle starts to stand up, but Dean suddenly grits his teeth and points a finger at Michelle]
Sit down, you.
[Dean, Rottweiler and the other thugs gets up from different tables]
Only place she'll be visiting is you in **** hospital. Do you hear?
Just leave him alone, Dean! Eggsy, go. Please, just go, babe.
Eggsy Alright.
[He turns to walk away]
Yeah, that's it, do as Mummy says! Why don't you ask that tailor friend of yours to knock up a nice chicken costume? It'll suit you, mug!
Eggsy [Eggsy stops in his tracks]
As a good friend once said, "Manners... maketh... man."
Man
[Eggsy locks the pub's doors methodically, in perfect imitation of Harry. One of the men who was in the pub last time quietly speaks to Dean.]
Hey-
Shut the **** up. Eggsy, I'm going to shove your manners up your ****-
Eggsy [Eggsy turns, sweeping his umbrella handle to catch the glass sitting on a nearby counter, and flings it at Dean, knocking him out.] [with a cunning grin]
So, are we going to stand here all day, or are we going to fight?
