Joe Dirt Things are gonna happen for me, I'm Joe Dirt.
Played by David Spade 
Joe Dirt (2001) · 57 quotes
Joe Dirt (2001) · 57 quotes
Most-quoted character in Joe Dirt (2001): in 43 of its 57 quotes
A line from Joe Dirt [Joe falls off a swing]And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandy was looking up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.
More lines from Joe Dirt
31 quotes Joe Dirt Joe Dirt I'm a rocker through and through. Here's a list of my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lep...
Joe Dirt Life's a garden, dig it.
Joe Dirt When bad pets go bad, dang.
Joe Dirt Turn it up.
Joe Dirt Ya gotta keep on, keepin' on.
Joe Dirt Right on! You're Joe Meteorite and I'm Joe Dirt.
Joe Dirt You guys got somethin' to say to me? Why don't you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mike right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both working and guess what? they don't like no feed back, what's up?
Joe Dirt His name's Rocky and he ain't no puppy.
Joe Dirt [Trying to scrape Charlie the dog's testicles off the frozen porch]
Now, this ain't no flapjack, so I'm gonna be real careful, I won't look.
Joe Dirt My name is Joe Dirt?, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.
Joe Dirt There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I'm number one. Rule number two, the croc's number two.
Joe Dirt [To himself]
YOU JUST SAID YOUR SISTER WAS HOT. WHAT A FOR-EEK. You're going to Hell, man.
Joe Dirt And you'll be sticking your head out the window and check out chick dogs saying "What's up, baby?"
Joe Dirt That shit'll buff out.
Joe Dirt Luckily, my neck broke my fall.
Joe Dirt You wanna fight? Why don't you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?
Joe Dirt It puts the Joe Dirt in the hole.
Joe Dirt Why don't you go practice, fallin' down, I'll be there in a minute.
Joe Dirt Where's my supplies?
Joe Dirt I thought I had broken my ass bone
Joe Dirt [while on air balloon]
I can see down your shirt
Joe Dirt I got the poo on me!!
Joe Dirt I'm new in town, kinda lonely, lookin' for my parents.
Joe Dirt You like to see homos naked?
Joe Dirt Say it, don't spray it brother. Dang!
Joe Dirt [Trying to scrape Charlie the dog's testicles off the frozen porch]
Now, this ain't no flapjack. I'll go real easy. I won't look.
Joe Dirt [To himself]
YOU JUST SAID YOUR SISTER WAS HOT. WHAT A FUH-REAK. You're goin' to Hell, man, but it was worth it.
Joe Dirt I'm puttin' the lotion on the skin!
Joe Dirt My face and your ass... I mean, your ass and my face.
Joe Dirt I don't care about this, and I don't care about these! And I hope I never see you again for the next twenty-five years!
Scenes with Joe Dirt
11 scenes Joe Dirt If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Jill Sure would. Do you want to go back to my place?
Joe Dirt Sure do.
Robby You all right Dirt?
Joe Dirt Yeah, I'm cool.
Robby No you're not.
Joe Dirt So your gonna' tell me that you don't have no black cats, kick but, or screaming mimis?
Kicking Wing No.
Joe Dirt Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?
Kicking Wing No, I don't.
Joe Dirt You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
Kicking Wing No... because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
Joe Dirt Well that might be your problem, it's not what you like, it's the consumer.
Old Cajun Man [In a muffled back water accent]
Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt What?
Old Cajun Man Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt You like to see h***s naked?
Old Cajun Man No, no, no. Home. It's where you make it.
Joe Dirt Yeah, you like to see h***s naked. That's cool.
Old Cajun Man No! Home is where you make it!
Joe Dirt Oh.
Old Cajun Man Everybody knows that. God damn, boy.
Old Cajun Man walks away.
Joe Dirt Guy likes to see h***s naked, that doesn't help me.
Joe Dirt Well today I'm gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner. That's right, I said Hemi.
Jill Wow. A Hemi. Balls to the Wall.
Joe Dirt Yep, left it at a friends house.
Joe Dirt [under his breath]
Actually it got towed away two years ago.
Joe Dirt [loud again]
But I'm picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say?
Jill That's a big ten-four.
Little Joe Dirt [when the dog starts humping Little Joe's leg]
Can I push him off of me?
Miss Clipper He'll stop humping as soon as he's done.
Bullying Man #2
[throws Joe an apple core after he farts on it]
I got a fart. You want that?
Joe Dirt Maybe if it came out of Charlene Tilton's ass I'd take a bite.
Bullying Man #2
You probably liked J.R., you ****. I saw your bumper sticker: "cowboys' butts drive me nuts."
Joe Dirt [sticks his fists up]
This ****? Is this ****?
Joe Dirt Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where's the good stuff man?
Kicking Wing Good stuff? This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers.
Joe Dirt Are you nuts dude? You need stuff that'll explode. Go boom!
Kicking Wing Why is that good?
Joe Dirt Well, duh, might as, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick 'em in mailboxes, you drop 'em in toilets, shove 'em up bullfrogs asses.
Kicking Wing I would never do that, because one day I'm going to be a veterinarian
Joe Dirt Well there you go, one day a bullfrog has a M-80 up his ass, he comes to you, you win twice brother
Joe Dirt Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes; making fun of poor Joe Dirt?
Zander Kelly Probably, because I'm sure that Yahwee would be chiming in too.
Robby Did I get ya, Dirt?
Joe Dirt Nah, I'm cool.
Robby No you're not.
Joe Dirt [Narrating]
I checked my list of Rambler Wagons, and there it was: Nunamaker. Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I was finally home.
Joe Dirt [Joe comes up to his childhood house only to find it's been condemned]
Sir? Hey mister! You know the people who live here, Nunamaker?
Farmer Fran
[In a thick Cajun accent]
They move.
Joe Dirt W-what's that?
Farmer Fran
Move! They move! 'bout... 15 year ago. Had a lil' boy. Had same kinda haircut you got now. [laughs] God da', you outta date, boy.
Joe Dirt Yeah, man, that little boy, that's me. My parents were-this was my home. I though this was it this time.
Farmer Fran
Nah, home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt Ya like to see homos naked?
Farmer Fran
[repeats phrase, this time with a firmer tone of voice]
Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt You like to see homos naked. That's cool, man. Whatever.
Farmer Fran
No no no no. Home is where you make it. Home, where you make it.
Joe Dirt Oh.
Farmer Fran
Ev'body know dat. Goddamn, boy.
Joe Dirt [he walks away]
Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn't help me.
