Angus Tully
Ouch. You two have chemistry.
Paul Hunham
Okay. That's the Percodan talking.
Angus Tully
I don't know, seeing her like this, I think she's pretty attractive.
Paul Hunham
Listen, you hormonal vulgarian, that woman deserves your respect, not your erotic speculation.
Angus Tully
He used to be fine. He was better than fine. He was great. He was my dad. Then about four years ago, he... started acting strange. Erratic, forgetful, saying all this weird shit. My mom took him to a bunch of doctors, and they put him on medication. But that just made it worse. He got more confused. Then he got angry. And then he got... physical. That was it. That was the last straw. They put him away. And she divorced him... without him even realizing it. That's why she wants a whole new life. And it's easy to just stash me away in boarding school. Like half of us are just stashed away there. And I get it. She never has to look at me. Because maybe when she looks at me, she... she sees him. Maybe she's right. I can't keep it together. I lie. I steal. I piss people off. I don't have any friends, real friends. I'll probably get kicked out of Barton too. And when I do, it'll be my own fault. Get sent to Fork Union and maybe to youknowwhere. And nobody will care. The funny thing is... I wanted to see him so bad this whole time. But I also didn't, you know? Because I'm afraid that's what's going to happen to me one day.
Paul Hunham
You're not your father.
Angus Tully
How do you know?
Paul Hunham
Because no one is his own father. I'm not my dad. No matter how hard he tried to beat that idea into me. I find the world a bitter and complicated place, and it seems to feel the same way about me. I think you and I have this in common. But don't get me wrong, you have your challenges. You're erratic and belligerant and gigantic pain in the balls, but you're not your father. You're your own man. Man, no. You're just a kid. You're just beginning. And you're smart. You've got time to turn things around. Yes, I know that Greeks had the idea that the steps you take to avoid your fate are the very steps that lead you to it, but that's just a literary conceit. In real life, your history does not have to dictate your destiny.
Angus Tully
What the **** just happened? I thought Barton men don't lie. Don't get me wrong, that was fun but you just lied through your teeth.
Paul Hunham
What I say during a private conversation is none of your goddamn business. You are not to judge me.
Angus Tully
It wasn't a private conversation. The wife and I were there. And I helped you. Why did he ask if you landed on your feet?
Paul Hunham
What is this, Nuremberg? Jesus.
Angus Tully
You're the hard-ass constantly telling everybody not to lie and going on and on about the honor code.
Paul Hunham
There was an incident when I was at Harvard with my roommate.
Angus Tully
And?
Paul Hunham
He accused me of copying from his senior thesis. Plagiarizing. Ah.
Angus Tully
Well, did you?
Paul Hunham
No, he stole from me. But that blue-blooded prick's family had allies on the faculty. I mean, their last name is on a library, for Christ's sake. So he accused me in order to sanitize his treachery and, uh, they threw me out.
Angus Tully
Wait, so you got kicked out of Harvard for cheating?
Paul Hunham
No, I got kicked out of Harvard for hitting him.
Angus Tully
You hit him? What, like punched him out?
Paul Hunham
No, I hit him with a car. Ah.
Angus Tully
You got kicked out of Harvard for hitting a guy with a car?
Paul Hunham
By accident.
Angus Tully
Where's my photo?
What photo?
Angus Tully
I think you know what photo, and you stole it.
I resent that baseless accusation.
Angus Tully
Give me my goddamn picture.
Hey, what's your problem, Tully? You homesick? Huh? Gonna cry? Little boy misses his mommy?
Angus Tully
**** you, Kountze. Why are you even here, anyway? Where's your family?
We're renovating our house, all right? It's all torn up. They're storing the tools and stuff in my room.
Angus Tully
That's what they told you? It's winter, idiot. Nobody renovates their house in the winter. Your parents don't want you around because you're a **** insecure sociopath.
A what?
Angus Tully
I mean, who'd want you for a son? That's why you grind everybody, because deep down you know you're an asshole. Plus, academically, you're a disaster. I mean, if I were your parents, I'd never want you home again. The only tool in your room is you.
Paul Hunham
He was a great kid. I had him one semester. Very insightful.
Mm-hmm. He hated you. He said you were a real asshole.
Paul Hunham
Well, uh, like I said... sharp kid, insightful.
Paul Hunham
Believe it or not, Mr. Tully, there was a time when the fire in my loins burned white hot.
Angus Tully
You're full of shit.
Paul Hunham
No, the details would curl your toes.
Paul Hunham
Do you think I want to be babysitting you? Oh, no, no, I was praying to the god I don't even believe in that your mother would pick up the phone or your father would arrive in a helicopter or a submarine or a flying **** saucer to take you...
Angus Tully
My father's dead!
Paul Hunham
Fresh air would do you good.
Angus Tully
It's like 15 degrees outside.
Paul Hunham
And the Romans bathed naked in the freezing Tiber. Adversity builds character, Mr. Tully.
Paul Hunham
I guess I thought I could make a difference. I mean, I used to think I could prepare them for the world even a little. Provide standards and grounding like Dr. Greene always drilled into us. But, uh, the world doesn't make sense anymore. I mean, it's on fire. The rich don't give a shit. Poor kids are cannon fodder. Integrity is a punch line. Trust is just a name on a bank.
Well... look, if that's all true, then now is when they most need someone like you.
Paul Hunham
You just earned yourself a detention, sir, now, get back here!
Angus Tully
Being here with you is already one big **** detention!
Paul Hunham
Son of a bitch! That's another detention!
Sir, I don't understand.
Paul Hunham
That's glaringly apparent.
I can't fail this class.
Paul Hunham
Oh, don't sell yourself short, Mr. Kountze, I truly believe that you can.
And you, gentlemen, did you save room for dessert?
Paul Hunham
Hmm.
Angus Tully
What's that?
That's our signature dessert. Cherries jubilee.
Angus Tully
Sounds great.
Paul Hunham
Bring the young vandal here Cherries Jubilee.
I'm afraid I can't. The dish contains brandy. Same deal with the bananas Foster.
Yeah, but doesn't the alcohol just burn off?
It's still against the rules, ma'am.
Paul Hunham
Fine. I'll order the cherry jubilee. We can share it.
Mm. I can't allow that, either.
Can we say it's his birthday?
Angus Tully
It's my birthday.
Well, happy birthday, young man. Let's get you a slice of cake or some other age appropriate dessert.
Paul Hunham
Christ on a crutch. What kind of a fascist hash foundry are you running here?
Excuse me, ma'am. Do you by chance have cherries?
Yes.
Great. And do you have ice cream?
Yes.
Fantastic. Can we please get cherries and ice cream to go?
Paul Hunham
And the check.
Right away. [walks away]
Bitch.
Paul Hunham
Mmm.
[Angus smiles]
Paul Hunham
Hardy, I have known you since you were a boy, so I think I have the requisite experience and insight to aver that you are and always have been penis cancer in human form.
Angus Tully
I thought all of the Nazis were hiding in Argentina.
Paul Hunham
There's nothing new in human experience, Mr. Tully. Each generation thinks it invented debauchery or suffering or rebellion, but man's every impulse and appetite from the disgusting to the sublime is on display right here all around you. So, before you dismiss something as boring or irrelevant, remember, if you truly want to understand the present or yourself, you must begin in the past. You see, history is not simply the study of the past. It is an explanation of the present.